Bear Down Baffa

Adrian Peterson Day at Soldierz Field came unexpectedly, especially because it was a visiting player named Adrian Peterson, not the one wearing a Bears jersey. 

In the battle of Adrian Petersons, our guy ran for 11 yards on 2 carries with 52 total yards on 8 touches.  The other AP ran for 224 yards on 20 carries and 3 TD’s with 361 total yards on 25 touches.  He broke records for the Vikings (rushing yards in a game) and the Bears (rushing yards allowed by a player), all despite our defense playing an eight-man front most of the day.  And he did all of this in the fifth game of his NFL career.  I heard he also ironed the referees’ uniforms, kept the water cups full on the sidelines, and coordinated all of the Viking’s defensive schemes.  And there is also a rumor that he’s working on a cure for cancer.  I’m just grateful we don’t have to face him for another nine weeks.  Maybe he’ll be injured by then – we can only hope.

So I went to my first game of the year Sunday with my good buddy Reid.  Despite Hester scoring twice, just like a Cub fan, I had my heart ripped out of my chest and fed to me.  What could have been just a plain old butt whipping that could easily be understood and dealt with turned out to be a “come from behind but blow it on kickoff coverage after you tie the game and let their kicker hit the longest FG (55 yards) of his 11 year career” heart-breaker.  And while I staggered out of the stadium in silence, I had more questions than empty beer cups (and believe me, there were plenty of empty beer cups).  They were questions like, why do we wait til the second half to do anything big offensively?  Why didn’t we get Devin Hester involved in the offense sooner?  And why couldn’t we tackle Adrian Peterson?

These and other questions led us to a bar, where the only good news of the day came when Reid and I won two out of three in a game of Bags.  After realizing that a Bags victory coupled with being really, really, really drunk did nothing to heal my pain or answer my questions, I did what many people do when confused and seeking answers – I headed to the nearest church.  With my Bears hat on backwards, my jersey reeking of brats and onions, and a full Miller Lite in each hand, I stumbled in and took an empty seat in the back row.  And I prayed harder than when I was a believer, back in the hay days of my sin-filled youth.  And just when I felt like God had forsaken me, all of a sudden, somewhere between a kneel and a stand, I saw a vision.  It was Jesus himself – in an Urlacher home jersey.  And I don’t know who was more surprised to see the other there, me or the son of God.

As many issues as I’ve had with this bearded wonder, Jesus seemed like a pretty stand up guy.  He took my hand with that handshake that turns into half a hug, with your right hands remaining clasped while your left hands swing around the other’s back.  He smiled and said, “Dude, why are you here?  I HAVE to be, you don’t.”  I said, “Eh, I’m just drowning my misery in alcohol, looking for answers.  F-ing Bears.”  He responded, “I hear ya.  F-ing Bears.”  He then asked me to join him outside because he had a cigarette, and it was against fire regulations to smoke in the church.

Once in the alley out back, he lit up.  He said he was parched, and asked me for a swig of my beer.  I reached out to hand him the beer that was half empty.  I’m not sure how he knew, but he reached for the full one instead saying, “I’ve got a God-sized thirst here, bro.  Gimme the full one, wouldjya?”  He then proceeded to pound my last full beer like Frank the Tank in “Old School.”  And after wiping his beard of the residual foam and releasing a belch that would’ve impressed a biker, he tried to explain why the Bears lost their first home game against Minnesota in seven years.

Jesus said, “As much as I want it to be part of some master plan, it really boils down to whether you can throw, catch and run the football, and stop the opposition from doing the same.  And the Bears just didn’t get it done today.”  He continued to try and offer up answers to my questions.  But it soon struck me that his descriptions were vague, that he spoke in parables that didn’t translate well to the grid iron, and that he kept talking big picture.  To be completely honest, other than saying we need to get Hester more involved, I wasn’t all that impressed with his knowledge of the game.  He must have noticed I was losing interest, because he then started eye-balling my other beer.  He asked, “Hey, you gonna finish that beer?”  And before I could respond, he reached out and took it, guzzled what remained, crushed the can against his head and said, “OK, I gotta roll man.  Super Bowl, Super Bears.”  Then he disappeared into the shadows.

As I reflected on what had transpired, I realized that there were some positives to this week’s loss: Devin Hester ran another one back; despite the Vikings rushing for 311 yards, we scurried out more total yardage thanks to Griese’s 381 yards passing; Griese sprayed out 26 completions to nine different receivers and he threw more TD’s (3) than INT’s (2) for the second week in a row; we came back from a 14 point deficit by scoring two offensive TD’s in under a minute; and we finally got Hester involved on offense.  The one thing I can’t figure out is why we waited til the game was on the line with time running out to do so.

Hester scores maybe once every ten times he touches the ball.  Today, he had an unbelievable 164 yards with 2 TD’s on only 6 touches.  The only reason it was Peterson and not Hester Day is because Peterson got the ball 19 more times than Hester.  So plain and simple, we need to get Hester the ball.  My suggestion is to change his number to 6, put him at QB, line up with four TE’s and a single blocker in the backfield, snap him the ball and let him run amuck.  Go sandlot on them.  It’d be like a kick return every play.  I mean, that’s just me talking.  But when I asked Jesus what he would do, he said he would get Hester more touches.

Lovie Smith
One additional item I wanted to acknowledge is Lovie Smith’s success with the Bears.  In his first three-plus seasons, he is 31 – 23 (.574) and he’s gotten us to the playoffs twice.  The first thing he said he’d do was beat Green Bay, and he’s won his first four games at Lambeau.  The second thing he said he’d do is get us to a Super Bowl, and he did that in his third year.  I must say, I didn’t give this guy the credit he deserved when he arrived and made those statements.  But he did what he said he would do, and he keeps his composure no matter the situation.  To me, that’s leadership.  Despite our 2 – 4 start, Lovie would have to rank somewhere at the top of the list of the best NFL coaches – not counting the cheaters, of course.  And I’m delighted that the Bears signed him to a four year extension, which keeps him with us through 2011.

Week 5 SB Shuffle Update
Last week’s game was so earth-shattering that I was unable to compose myself long enough to write Super Bowl Shuffle lyrics.  It was also difficult to select any one player, with so many making contributions to the big win in Green Bay.  I finally settled on Brad Maynard for recovering a fumbled punt return.  I mean, how often does a punter recover a fumble, and how often do punters get some spotlight?  So this week we have two new additions – last week’s Maynard and this week’s Lovie Smith.  To view all of the SB Shuffle lyrics written this season, just click the 2007 SB Shuffle link in the upper right corner of the blog (the number in parenthesis refers to the number of players with lyrics written for them to date). You’ll see the first couplet for each player with a link to read all eight lines. You can also click the player’s name to see his lyrics.

© 2007

This entry was posted on Mon, Oct 15, 2007 at 6:52 pm and is filed under n) 2007 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.