Bear Down Baffa

Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  First.  First who?  First place, bitches!  In a game we needed to win in order to save our season, the Bears stepped up like a U.S. General going after some civilian poontang.  And with GB losing to the Giants, we moved back into sole possession of first place.  We started slowly yet again, fumbling on our first play, which led to a Viking FG that gave them a 3-0 lead.  We then went 3-and-out after gaining only one yard.  But then we got medieval on they ass.  We picked up 2 turnovers, blocked a FG, played keep-away with the ball and owned the clock as we scored 25 straight points before the half.  And after some hot cocoa and a nice bedtime story, we tucked this one in and put it to bed early.

Cutler studied hypnosis during his week off and applied it to the Vike’s defense

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In a game billed as a Battle of Backup QB’s, with both starting QB’s out with bloodied vaginas, the Bears played like they were on the rag.  It was the first game in NFL history this late in a season between two first place teams with both QB’s making their first start of season.  And it looked like San Fran’s QB had completed 1,308 passes for 14,511 yards and 75 TD’s, and ours was making his first NFL start, instead of the other way around.  And it revealed only one thing:  that the Bears are a stinky, sweaty, 50-pound, heaping pile of elephant shit being fought over by Jerry Sandusky and Donald Trump in a “2 guys, 1 cup” battle royale.  Yes, the Bears season appears to be over, folks.

In case you can’t tell, this is the stinky, sweaty, 50-pound, heaping pile of elephant shit that is the Bears right now

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It was a Battle of the Bulge.  And by bulge I mean the bulge in the collective crotches of NFL fans across the nation.  The 7-1 Bears had a chance to stake their claim as a contender, hosting the 7-1 Texas Houstons on Sunday Night.  It was only the fifth time since the merger in 1970 that two teams with one or fewer losses met after week nine.  Adding to the hype, we celebrated Veteran’s Day while this game marked the 86th anniversary of the first Bears game at Soldierz Field.  Surprisingly, they have still played more games at that shithole Wrigley Field than at Soliderz.  But not so surprisingly, they fared as well as the losebag Cubs.

A dazed, confused and benched Cutler is no recipe for victory

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The Bears flew down to Nashville to do two things:  drink some beer and kick some ass.  As it turned out, they forgot the beer.  But they did remember to bring Peanut “Brittle” Tillman.  And unlike weeks passed, the Bears came out like the ass of a guy with diarrhea who just ate hot sauce while sitting on a live volcano – on fire.  Hello!

Tennessee faded into obscurity as just another team demolished by the Bears

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