In a game billed as a Battle of Backup QB’s, with both starting QB’s out with bloodied vaginas, the Bears played like they were on the rag. It was the first game in NFL history this late in a season between two first place teams with both QB’s making their first start of season. And it looked like San Fran’s QB had completed 1,308 passes for 14,511 yards and 75 TD’s, and ours was making his first NFL start, instead of the other way around. And it revealed only one thing: that the Bears are a stinky, sweaty, 50-pound, heaping pile of elephant shit being fought over by Jerry Sandusky and Donald Trump in a “2 guys, 1 cup” battle royale. Yes, the Bears season appears to be over, folks.
In case you can’t tell, this is the stinky, sweaty, 50-pound, heaping pile of elephant shit that is the Bears right now
No one should be surprised that it started off badly, but this time it never got better. SF came out running like a well-oiled machine, and they won every single play of the game. On our first defensive play, we committed an Unnecessary Roughness penalty. On our first offensive pass play, we got sacked. The Bears allowed a FG on SF’s first drive, the first time we’ve allowed a score on an opening drive all season. Then we let SF score on their second, third and fourth drives just to prove that our offense isn’t our only problem right now.
You SHOULD be hanging your head, Brian, cuz you fucking suck
By halftime, we were down 20-0 and out-gained 249 yards to 35. It wasn’t until the 41-minute mark that the Bears crossed 100 net yards and scored their first points. In the end, we were out-gained by 212 yards (355 – 143) and 25 points. We were out-run, out-blocked, out-passed, out-caught, out-tackled, out-passrushed, out-techniqued, out-planned, out-coached, and out-balled. Yes, the Bears didn’t wear cups because they had no balls to protect. And after the game, SF’s squad caught a flight to Chicago and took turns banging the Bears players’ and coaches’ wives.
“Let’s get our ass whooped, on three…”
Offense – If You Want to Call it That
You can add Jason “I Fucking Suck” Campbell to the long list of shitty Bear QB’s. We had -1 yard passing at the half, and finished with only 58. Before our last possession of the first half, Campbell was 2 for 6 for 9 yards, 1.5 yard/attempt, 3 sacks, 0 TD’s, 1 INT, and a QBR only 2.8 points higher than the number of presidential elections Mitt “I Am The Bears O-Line Of Politics” Romney has won. At that same time, Colin Kaepernick (who?!) was 12 for 15 (80%) for 184 yards, 12.3 yards/att, 1 sack, 1 TD, 0 INT’s and a whopping 140.0 QBR.
Campbell: “Uh, hold up one second. These guys look like they want to kill me. Can we call a run play?”
But “IFS” Campbell didn’t get much help from an O-Line that couldn’t hold up baby clothes to dry in a light breeze. Could somebody please fucking block Aldon Smith? This mofo had 5.5 sacks after averaging less than 1 a game for his 25-game career. And can we fire GM Phil Emery? We had a gaping hole in our O-line and he’s done nothing to plug it. If you hire a ship repairman because you have a hole in your boat, and he adds a new sail and new seats in the galley but he doesn’t fix the hole, and then your boat sinks, don’t you have legal justification for firing that asshole?!
Once Smith got a piece of Campbell’s ass, he didn’t let it go
Defense – Minus the D and the Fence
The defense, simply put, got manhandled. No fumbles, no picks – and no heart. They allowed 6.6 yards per play to a mid-tier offense, and 243 passing yards to a virtual rookie QB who had only thrown for 241 in his career. There is no excuse for that. Urlacher, dead. Peanut, dead. Neidermeyer, DEAD!
It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times
Doubtlook
At 7-3, the Bears fall to tied for the fifth best record in the NFL, tied for the third best record in the NFC, and a tie for first place in the NFC North. Those all sound like promising stats, but quite honestly, I don’t see ANY promise in the Bears after our last two games. And even if Cutler comes back, I’m thinking we’ll be lucky to finish 8-8.
No caption necessary – this guy’s face and body language say it all
Quotes to Note
Lovie: “We were lucky to be down only 20-0 at the half.” Yup, this game should’ve been 59-0.
Lovie when asked about the offensive line: “We won 7 games with that offensive line.” Yes, you did. But you won IN SPITE of them, not because of them. And you beat 7 shitty teams, only one of which has a winning record (Indy is 6-4), and whose combined records are 25-44-1.
Now that’s a facial expression I’ve never seen on Lovie before
John Gruden mid-way through the second quarter: “I did not see this coming.” Yeah, obviously the Bears didn’t either.
“IFS” Campbell: “Tonight was probably the worst nightmare.” I nominate that for “Duh” comment of the year.
Among other moves, Smith pulled a “Jimmy Superfly Snuka” on Campbell
Jim Miller: “This was absolutely devastating for the Bears for how they performed tonight. Absolutely embarrassing on national TV.”
Jim Miller on next week: “Check your heart, check your effort, check your intensity. Most importantly, check what time the game starts – and show up.” Daaaaaaamn!
Idonije tries to squeak one out, but unfortunately, like the Bears, he “sharted”
Hunter Hillenmeyer: “The Bears have gone from talking ‘#1 seed’ to talking ‘let’s find a way into the playoffs.’ They have to win these next 2 games.”
Miss Kara (my friend who was at the game in SF): “There was this overweight lady Bears fan standing in the middle of the bathroom vomiting on her Bears poncho while her SF friend rubbed her back…and that was only the start of the second quarter. That game would make any fan barf on their poncho.”
View from Miss Kara’s seats at the Bear’s execution
At least we have Thanksgiving dinner to look forward to…
© 2012
Bear Down Baffa 
Tue, Nov 20, 2012 at 6:10 pm |
You’re welcome
At the half, they had peewee teams getting to play, and they were so cute. Many bears fans thought they should try their luck against 49ers instead
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