Bear Down Baffa

Turn out the lights…the party’s over.  The day before New Year’s Eve brought the biggest hangover to Bears Fan nation on Sunday.  How about that for irony?  Like rain on your wedding day, a black fly in your chardonnay, or Alanis Morrissette mis-using the word ironic.  But what isn’t ironic is the Bears starting 7-1 and then choking in the second half of their season, losing 5 of their last 8, and missing the playoffs despite having the best record (10-6) for a non-playoff team.  Fuck you, 2012!

Though we won 6 more games than Detroit (sucks!),
we both finished the season upside down

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Santa wouldn’t have to check his list twice to see on which side the Cardinals belong.  AZ showed that they were exactly who everyone thought they were – a shitty team.  And the Bears did exactly what they’ve done all year – they beat a shitty team.  Santa’s probably going to have to check that list a few more times tonight to see on which side the Bears fall.  And I’m sure the Bears are sweating that decision out as much as they’re sweating out next week’s game – like a Mayan on December 20, 2012.

An unfamiliar site of late – the Bears celebrating!

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The Chicago Bears suck major donkey balls, and so does Lovie “I Suck So Good I Should Be Dyson’s Spokesperson” Smith.  Green Bay just beat us for the SIXTH time in 24 months, and the eighth time in nine games.  And after winning 7 of our first 8 this year, we’ve now lost 5 of our last 6.  Alshon “Offensive Pass Interference” Jeffery?  Sucks.  Devin “I Once Could See, But Now I’m Blind” Hester?  Sucks.  Cutler?  Sucks.  Our O-line?  Sucks.  Our defense?  Sucks.  Lovie?  Leader of the Suck Pack.  It’s officially time to call the Donald and get him to tell Lovie, “You’re fired.”

Hopefully, Lovie’s coached his last game at Soldierz

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Playing without Urlacher, we can’t make mistakes and expect to win games.  But the Bears made plenty of them Sunday.  So many, in fact, that we looked like George W. Bush paired with a chimp trying to do a crossword puzzle.  We let All Day Peterson run all day, and we turned the ball over twice, both of which Minnesota converted into TD’s.  You add in the fact that we dropped balls like a Special Ed team hosting a dodgeball tournament, and that we committed 10 penalties for 80 yards, and it’s easy to see why our season is in a coma with a “do not resuscitate” directive and Jack Kevorkian waiting in a van around the corner.

Take this guy off the field and the Vikings are the Cubs

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For the third year in a row, the Bears lost a regular season game at home to Seattle.  That brings up two questions:  1) Who the hell is scheduling these games?  And 2) Why can’t we go to the west coast and win but they can come here and win?  And this time, Cutler and Forte weren’t hurt, and the Seahawks had a rookie QB.  That’s two losses to two rookie QB’s in three weeks, people.  It’s too bad that we didn’t have a player kill his girlfriend and then himself the day before the game because at least then we’d have an excuse.  Instead, the Bears were left looking as dumbfounded as a nun finding out she’s pregnant.

The Bears defense was looking in all directions for answers

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