The Chicago Bears suck major donkey balls, and so does Lovie “I Suck So Good I Should Be Dyson’s Spokesperson” Smith. Green Bay just beat us for the SIXTH time in 24 months, and the eighth time in nine games. And after winning 7 of our first 8 this year, we’ve now lost 5 of our last 6. Alshon “Offensive Pass Interference” Jeffery? Sucks. Devin “I Once Could See, But Now I’m Blind” Hester? Sucks. Cutler? Sucks. Our O-line? Sucks. Our defense? Sucks. Lovie? Leader of the Suck Pack. It’s officially time to call the Donald and get him to tell Lovie, “You’re fired.”
Hopefully, Lovie’s coached his last game at Soldierz
GB doubled us up in total yardage (391-190), first downs (19-10), completions (23-12), capitalizing on turnovers (they scored 7 off 1, we scored 6 off 2), and leading yardage for a receiver (Cobb, 115 – Marshall, 56). Third and fourth down efficiency? GB was 9 for 19, the Bears 0 for 10. Even despite that, GB gave us countless chances to win, but we didn’t take advantage. And that speaks to coaching; or rather, lack thereof.
Jeffrey picked up yellow flags like an octopus on an Easter egg hunt
Opportunities Knock
Late in the third quarter, with a 14-point lead, GB fumbled at midfield. They then committed a 53-yard Pass Interference penalty on our first play, giving us a first and goal at the 5. Forte ran to the 1 on our first play. But after gaining none on his next 2 runs, we took 2 penalties, and had to settle for a 34-yard FG.
James Brown to Cutler: “Oh, he nailed you. Did that hurt? Man,
it had to hurt. It hurt me watching it from way over there.”
Early in the fourth quarter, GB missed their second FG of the day. Then, as if they were literally trying to give us the game with eight minutes left and an 11-point lead, they fumbled on an uncharacteristically stupid cross-field lateral during a punt return, giving us the ball at their 16. After gaining 0 yards on 3 plays, we again had to settle for a 34-yard FG.
Jeffrey to the ball: “Aw yeah, I’m gonna put it on you.”
Then in the waning minutes, just like the end of the first half, we played with no sense of urgency when we had the ball and time on the clock. This also speaks to coaching. Even if it’s not the coach’s fault, we need a new coach to inspire our players. Because if there’s one thing they are not, it’s inspired.
OK, maybe Corey Wootton was inspired, but clearly for gay reasons,
as he looks at the camera and says, “Oh yeah, this is happening.”
Nah Nah Nah Nah, Nah Nah Nah Nah, Hey Hey Hey, Good Bye Lovie
In our Week 13 post from 2009, we addressed Lovie’s commitment to beating GB: “Lovie has not been living up to the standards he set for himself. According to the Bears own website, he set three goals when he was hired: beat the Pack, win the Division and win the Super Bowl.” During the game, they even played a Lovie quote from the day he signed with the Bears in ‘04: “One of the first things Michael McCaskey said to me, he gave me the history behind the Gree Bay – Chicago rivalry…The number one goal we’ll have is to beat GB.”
Roach to Cutler: “It’s OK, Jay, Lovie will be gone soon.”
We’ve pointed out that GB is only one of 31 teams the Bears play, and how beating them is only slightly more important than beating the others. But Lovie said it was a priority, so he should be held accountable. He is now 8-11 versus GB. Since starting 6-2 against Favre’s Pack from ‘04-‘07, he’s gone 2-9 against Rodgers in the past five seasons.
Tice to Lovie: “So where do you think you’ll end up next year, Jacksonville or KC?”
Lovie’s won the division three times in 9 seasons (in ‘05, ‘06 and ‘10). While that’s better than 25%, which is average in a four-team division, it’s nothing special with Detroit (sucks!) in ours. He’s gotten us to the playoffs three times, and to one Super Bowl, which of course he lost. Lovie is 79-62 (.560) overall in the regular season and 3-3 (.500) in the playoffs.
Lovie, please DO let the doorknob hit you in the ass on the way out
Mike McCarthy, on the other hand, has been GB’s head coach since 2006. In two years less time than Lovie, he’s also won the division three times (‘07, ’11 and now ‘12). He’s also been to the playoffs five times (‘07, ‘09, ‘10, ‘11, and ‘12), and to one Super Bowl, which of course he won. McCarthy is 73-37 (.664) overall in the regular season and 5-3 (.625) in the playoffs. And even though he didn’t vouch to “beat the Bears,” he’s gone 10-5 against us.
McCarthy to ref: “For every flag you throw on Jeffery, I’ll get you a wheel of cheese.”
Since signing Cutler in 2009, the Bears are 1-8 against GB while being out-scored by more than a TD a game. GB has scored more than 20 points in all but two of those games, while the Bears have scored more than 20 only once. And in those games, Rodgers has thrown 19 TD’s and 8 INT’s, while Cutler has thrown 8 TD’s and 17 INT’s. Oh, and the Butler is making $600k more than Rodgers this year.
If not for the uniforms, photos of Cutler from every
game vs. the Pack would be indistinguishable
Three weeks ago, we were the #2 seed in the NFC. Today, we’re not even a playoff team. For all these reasons, along with the 147 you can come up with on your own, Lovie should be fired. And he should be fired now.
Blake “George” Constanzo looks as if he’s either getting stuck by a
cattle prod or having his fudge packed – and either way, he likes it
Doubtlook
With GB clinching the division, our only chance is a Wild Card. Seattle will probably win the first Wild Card, having 9 wins already and two in a row where they’ve scored at least 50 points. Then there are four teams in the NFC tied with us at 8-6: NYG (@ Balt, Philly), Washington (@ Philly, Dallas), Dallas (Saints, @ Wash) and Minnesota (@ Hou, GB).
Obama made it easy for Matthews to come out of the closet on Sunday
One of those teams will win the NFC East (NY, Wash, Dallas), which hopefully won’t be Dallas because we take the head-to-head tie-breaker with them. Either way, we have to beat two of those three. If we tie NY or Wash, since we don’t play either of them this year, the tie-breaker is conference record. NY is 7-4, Wash is 6-4 and we (of course) trail them both at 5-5.
Hayden took Jones’ suggestions to “kiss his ass” to a whole ‘nother level
The Vikes hold the division record tie-breaker over us (3-2 versus our 2-3). With one division game remaining for each of us, we can only tie them in this category. If we do, and finish the season tied, it comes down to common games, which they lead 7-3 to our 5-5. Which means we can’t catch them in a tie-breaker.
Jones tries desperately to force one out in Hayden’s face when the refs weren’t looking
So first and foremost, we need to win our final two games, @ AZ and @ DET. This could actually happen as they only have nine wins between them. If it does, all we would need is for two of the NFC East teams (NY, Dallas or Wash) and Minni to lose at least once.
This kid has 2 things to look forward to: dominating the Bears and childhood obesity
If we win only one of our final two games, we would probably want NY to win the East. Then we would need Dallas to lose to the Saints and beat Wash (we’d take the tie-breaker against Wash on common schedule), and Minni to lose both of their last two games.
Classic (thanks to Chubbs for this one!)
If after all that you’re still reading and haven’t laughed yourself off your chair, I’d say the chances of us doing anything even if we get into the post season are about as good as cub fans boycotting games until their team puts a quality product on the field. So here’s to the Bulls and the Hawks – if they even play hockey this year.
Old school vs. new tool
Quotes to Note
Urlacher on being booed: “Our crowd was pretty good today for the most part. They were loud for a minute there. The boos were really loud, which is always nice. The only team in our division to get booed at home is us. It’s unbelievable to me.” Really, Brian? Unbelievable? America is a free country, and an NFL ticket is not. If you suck, and/or your coach or your players appear to be giving up, it is not only their right to boo, but you deserve it.
Fans (like this guy) are noticeably – and justifiably – frustrated
Conte tweet: “We have two must win games left. We need all the support we can get. if u aren’t with us then you are against us. Real bear fans #beardown.” I know you’re relatively new here, but to question the fans’ loyalty is preposterous. Booing you means they love and support you. They just want you to get your heads out of your collective asses.
Hey Conte, does this look like he’s “against us?!”
SUPER SUCK, SUPER BEARS!
© 2012
Bear Down Baffa 
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