On a short week after losing two straight, the Bears pulled out a big win and earned back the Supa Bow birth that they set aflame over the past two weeks. Sure, it was against an 0-5 team, but it’s an NFC team and that will help us if we get into a tie-breaker. And like a straight guy in prison, this win was the gay sex we needed to get us by. And while the prisoner would be one step closer to his parole, we’re one step closer to da Supa Bow.
Marshall Marshalling
Don’t let the Giants’s recent inadequacies fool you. They’ve won 2 of the last 6 Supa Bows. And the last time we faced them, Cutler was like a woman on a train in India, getting sacked 9 TIMES in the first half, and left for dead on the side of the road full of IED’s.
This time the Butler was like a nun backstage at a
first communion, escaping virtually untouched
Yeah, this game went down a little differently. As anyone might have guessed, it started with an Eli Manning pick, and it ended with an Eli Manning pick. He’s now thrown 15 on the year, the most of any QB in the first six games since 1986, and as many as he had all last year. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that he’s no longer considered elite.
Eli’s body language says it all – I’m a whiny
bitch who throws sourpuss faces and INT’s
First Halfsies
The first half included all of the following: only 1 punt, only 1 kickoff return (us), only 1 punt return (them), 440 combined yards (with both teams averaging exactly 7.6 yards per play), 4 consecutive TD drives of at least 80 yards, only 2 penalties (1 each), 2 picks in the first 6 passes, 5 TD’s and only 1 FG, no sacks, no fumbles, only 9 third down plays (Bears 2 for 3, NYG 4 for 6), and 26 first downs (Bears 15, NYG 11). And we out-scored them 17-7 in the second quarter, breaking our second quarter losebag streak. Oh, and Eli threw 2 more pics in the locker room at half-time.
Eli: “Yeah, you right there! I’m gonna throw an interception to you!”
Offense
We gained 372 yards, had 26 first downs, scored 20 offensive points and Cutler wasn’t sacked once. We got off to a slow start when we couldn’t score after returning a pick to the Giant 12 on our first drive. But we were steady the rest of the way with no turnovers. Matt “I Wasn’t Even The Best Starting RB On The Field” Forte had 111 yards on 25 touches (a 4.4 average) and Marshall had 9 receptions for 87 yards and 2 TD’s. Cutler was 24 of 36 for 262 yards, 2 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a QBR of 106.5 (it was over 140 at halftime). He is now 16-2 when his QBR is over 100.
Cutler even played the second half left-handed (to be more like Obama)
Defense
Zackary “Taylor” Bowman got the start for injured Peanut “Brittle” Tillman, and all he did was intercept Manning’s second pass. We allowed 355 yards (123 rushing, 106 of which was Brandon Jacobs), and we only had a sack, but we held Manning to 14 completions and came up with 3 picks, including Tim “Pick-6” Jennings’ third pick-6 in his last 13 games. And we did all this with 3 D-Lineman out. We also lost D.J. “Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince” Williams for the season, but that means rookie Jon “Bomb” Bostic will finally get on the field.
Jennings has more TD’s than Hester in
the last 2 years – and he plays defense!
Special Teams
Devin “Short Of The 20” Hester only had 4 returns with 15 of his 73 yards coming in our endzone. And he only got us beyond the 20 once, and fumbled once (though we recovered it). But Robbie “As Good As” Gould continued his perfect season streak with his 9th and 10th straight FG’s, including a 52-yarder, giving him 12 straight from 50 or longer.
Hester not only runs sideways, but he takes
untouched dives sideways now as well
Outlook
We took back first place and have the third best record in the NFC. I don’t give a shit if we’ve beaten two teams without a W between them (PIT & NYG). Their two QB’s have won 4 of the last 8 Supa Bows, and been to 5 of the last 8. You can only beat the teams your schedule puts in front of you, and we’ve now done that twice as many times as we’ve lost. And our second half schedule is about as weak as Tom Coughlin’s hold on his job.
Briggs: “That guy, the one right there.” Bostic: “Who, that
guy?” Briggs: “Yeah, he’s gonna throw the ball right to us.”
The Giants aren’t really as bad as their record shows. Sure we scored the fewest points they’ve allowed all year, but they’ve lost to two undefeated teams (DEN & KC). And we beat them across the board, playing a solid game in all aspects. So I don’t think anyone can argue that we aren’t back to being Supa Bow favorites.
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Quotes to Note
Marshall: “We still left a lot out there. We still can get better. Especially from my standpoint…they got their hands on me way too much.” Yeah, that’s what she said.
Jennings Marshalling before Marshall Marshalled
Cutler: “That fourth down to start the game, after the turnover, (I’d) like to punch that in for some points…We won the game but you kind of leave a little bit unsatisfied, cuz I think offensively, we could’ve exploded for a little bit more.” Yeah, that’s what she said.
Check out this tool. I wonder if he got his ass kicked lugging those
plates to his car. And how did he get through airport security?
Cutler when asked if this was one of those wins where there’s more questions than answers afterwards: “Maybe for you.” Classic.
The Bears pulled a Double Sandusky on Manning
Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!
BEAR DOWN!
#TrestmanForCongress
©2013
Bear Down Baffa 
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