Bear Down Baffa

The Bears called “Even Stevens” early on by knocking Aaron Rodgers out on the opening drive, leaving both teams without their star QB’s or their best defensive players.  It may be the first good thing Shea “Where Is Shea-Shea?  Where Is Shea-Shea?  Here I Am!  Here I Am!” McClellin has done so far in his short, lackluster career.  Now I’m not one to celebrate injuries to players in an ultra-violent game where they almost literally put their lives on the line, are paid millions and get all the pussy they can handle while having to work 3 hours a day for 16 days a year.  But in Aaron Rodgers case, halle-fucking-llujah!  That guy’s an asshole!  QB’s don’t do TD “dances.”  At least not ones who respect themselves.  What a toolbox!  And by that I mean a box of tooledness.  If I were on his team, I’d go Richie Incognito on his ass.

McCown is Rex Grossman plus 3 inches – and minus the INT’s

Click here to watch Aaron Rodgers get his ass whooped

Josh “I Will No Longer Be Compared to Tremendous Bust (And Not The “Good” Kind) Cade McNown” McCown was able to avenge his loss in Green Bay two years ago by doing what Cutler has only been able to do once in four years – beating the Pack at Lambeau.  And now instead of looking up at 6-2 GB and 5-3 Detroit (sucks!) at 4-4 in third place, we’re tied for the fourth best record in the NFC at 5-3 and in a tight 3-way tie for first place in our division – we beat GB, they beat DET and DET beat us.  And we still get to host both of them this season!

Bum bum, bu bu bum, bum bum, bu bu bum…Gonna Fly Now!

Is Our Second Quarter Curse Over?
We started the second quarter with a Julius “Where Have I Been All Season?” Peppers sack and held GB to a 3-and-out.  We scored a TD and held the Pack to another 3-and-out.  We 3-and-outed, and they 5-and-outed.  Then we finished the half with a 4-minute, 12-play, 93-yard drive using great clock management (including a 20-yard scramble by McCown on third-and-9) that led to a FG as time ran out.  In that second quarter, we had held them to 28 yards and 0 points on 11 plays, while we had 159 yards and scored 10 points.  At the half, McCown was 14 of 22 for 196 yards, 8.9/attempt, 1 TD, 0 INT’s and a 107.3 QBR.  Perhaps the curse has been lifted like a Rand Paul speech from Wikipedia.

McCown to Cutler:  “No, I got this.  You just
keep your stretched vagina on the bench.”

Critical Condition
With just under 10 minutes remaining in the game, we got the ball after a punt on our own 11 with a 4-point lead.  Five plays later, Marc “I’m No Lovie Smith” Trestman faced a fourth-and-an-inch on our own 32 with 7:50 left.  With balls of steel, he went for it.  This critical call not only gave us a first down, but it led to a whopping 20-play drive (counting 2 Bears penalties) that went 80 yards and ran NINE MINUTES off the clock.  It also led to a FG that put us up by 7 and gave GB the ball back with less than a minute remaining.  We closed it out with 2 sacks (the “good” kind) on the three plays of their last drive.  Watch and learn, Lovie.  Watch and learn.

OK, so Rodgers not being in uniform may have had
a greater effect than our going for it on 4th-and-1

I Love You, Monday Night!
Everyone knows that GB has owned us of late, winning the last 6, and 8 of the last 9.  But only on Sunday games.  The last time we beat them was 9/27/10 (when GB had 18 penalties), which happened to be a Monday night (they had 0 penalties last night).  The only other time we’ve beaten them during this string was 12/22/08, also a Monday night.  In fact, they haven’t beaten us on Monday night since 2003.  Let’s talk up this rivalry, maybe kill a couple-two-tree cheeseheads and send some Incognito-like texts, to create more buzz so that the NFL continues to schedule us on Mondays.

Marshall asking the gods to schedule us on Monday night next year

Offense
We gained 443 yards and put up 27 offensive points – with a backup QB?!  We allowed only 1 sack and had no turnovers – with a backup QB?!  McCown, the first of eight backups to win at Lambeau since 2007, finished a decent 22 of 41 for 272 yards, 6.6/attempt, 2 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a 90.7 QBR.  And Matt “Rushing For Over 100 yards Is My New” Forte had 125 yards rushing (his first time over 100 this season) and 54 receiving (a season-high 179 total) on 29 touches for an average of 6.2.

Forte left plenty of “fromunda” cheese in his wake on Monday

Defense
We gave up 200 yards rushing (an average of 6.9), including 56 and 32-yard TD runs, but limited them to only 141 passing yards.  We only got 1 takeaway (a Peppers pick), but held them to 1 for 9 on third down.  And we had 5 sacks, including 3 by McClellin, who doubled his career total in one game.  Man, what a night that suckbag had!

Jon “Bomb” Bostic even knocked the Riddel label off this
poor bastard’s helmet – something I never saw Urlacher do

Special Teams
Devin “Let’s Hope It’s Not Another 28-Game Dry Spell” Hester had a decent night, averaging over 22 yards on 5 returns, but he only gave us good field position (past our own 30) once (which did lead to our only TD in the second half).  But we allowed GB’s Jamari Lattimore to block a punt as well as recover an onside-kick early in the second half.  Who the hell is Jamari Lattimore?!

Daaaaaaaaaa Bears!  Daaaaaaaaaa Coach!

Outlook – Second Half of the Season
Before the season I discussed at length the Bear’s schedule with my buddy Andy, a self-proclaimed NFL expert, and co-founder and co-president of the “Jim McMahon is the Greatest Professional Athlete of All Time” fan club.  We broke it down game-by-game, and this is what we came up with.

The last 4 years, NO ONE blocked – but now
even our receivers are blocking like mofos!

We differed on a few early games.  I had us beating Cincy and New Orleans but losing to Pittsburgh and Detroit (sucks!), while he had each of these the other way around.  But we agreed our mid-season record would be 4-4.  We both conceded that we’d lose to GB – even with a healthy Cutler and Briggs – so the Bears are ahead of our predicted schedule.  But what is more exciting is that we also agreed that our second half schedule was about as weak as any fiber in Cutler’s cho-cha.

Wallace to backfield:  “Somebody help me!”

Here is our second half schedule:  Sun 11/10 vs. DET; Sun 11/17 vs. BAL; Sun 11/24 @ STL; Sun 12/1 @MIN; Mon 12/9 vs. DAL; Sun 12/15 @CLE; Sun 12/22 @PHI; and Sun 12/29 vs. GB.  At 5-3, the only teams Detroit (sucks!) has beaten with a winning record is DAL and us (granted, we’ve only beaten CIN and GB).  But BAL (3-5), STL (3-6), MIN (1-7), CLE (4-5) and PHI (4-5) could (and should) all be W’s.  And we get both DET and DAL (5-4) at home.  Then we host GB in the finale – the only game that Andy and I predicted that we’d lose on the back nine.  So even considering our injuries, we could realistically finish the second half 7-1, making us 12-4 and most likely earning us a Wild Card – if not the division.

Never seen this one before – it’s a “cheese grater.”  Get it?  Pretty solid!

Interesting Search Results
The WordPress blog host site tracks a lot of things, including site hits, follows and search engine terms.  The last is a list of web searches that people typed in before clicking on a link to our blog in their results list.  This not only tells us what is bringing random people to our site, but it also reminds our staff of what topics we commonly talk about in our posts.  I took a look at our results list during the bye week and found some interesting terms.  Note:  these are NOT made up.

• partial orchiectomy (3 times) – Apparently this is more common than I thought.
• elefant shit (3) – Even misspelled, they found us.
• elephant shit (2) – What’s with the elephant shit searches?!
• blows dead bears (2) – Animal necrophilia anyone?
• packer fucking a bear (1) – Apparently this one would still be alive?
• robbie gould bulge (1) – I had no idea he had a bulge?  And why the kicker’s bulge of all the bulges available?
• bulge cub bear (1) – And now an animal’s bulge?  And a baby one at that?!
• smegmatron (1) – Damn, I thought I had come up with this word!
• is mark baffa gay (1) – This was probably my brother.
• ballsack bear (1) – WTF?!
• hot women getting raped (1) – Right, cuz no one wants to see an ugly woman getting raped.
• 10 incredible big ballsacks (1) – Why 10?
• huge hairy ballsack (1) – This guy only wants to see one, but one that’s hairy?
• scrotum sack (1) – I’m surprised this is only once.
• scrotal (1) – I’m beginning to see a trend here.
• self felatio (1) – Another one I thought I had come up with!
• tebow self fellatio (1) – I hope they found the pic I posted on this one!
• sounds like a real shitfuck sandwich (1) – This must be related to Urlacher not coming back.
• homoerotic nfl (1) – Isn’t this redundant?

I love when Packer fans look heart-broken!

Quotes to Note
McCown when asked how much Brandon Marshall makes a difference, especially given for a QB like him:  “Uh, well I don’t know what a QB like me means…but I do know that he makes a difference for everybody.”  Nice response!  Humble yet passively aggressively telling the idiotic reporter to get bit.

And I love it even more when we’re the cause of that heart-break!

GB’s Jordy Nelson: ”We expected to win this game, even with the situation that happened.”  Ha-ha, you dumb cheesehead!

I don’t understand this numbskull – you’re a fan of a “rivalry?”

CSN “Sports” Reporter Jen Lada, who continues to embarrass women almost as much as Sarah Palin, to Shea McClellin:  “Inside the visiting locker room with Shea McClellin, who we’ll be surprised if you’re not elevated to MVP status.  You never want to see an athlete get hurt, but when you were able to get to Aaron Rodgers and knock him out of the game, how did that change the way that the Packers were able to attack this game?”  Really, Jen?  You don’t want to see someone hurt, but you’re awarding him MVP for hurting a player?  MVP of what, exactly?  And I think even an unborn fetus knows that hurting a former MVP is going to hinder their passing game quite a bit.

Rodgers to Cutler: “Meet me in the trainer’s room after
the game – I want to give you a moustache ride so bad.”

Jen Lada’s next question to McClellin:  “You’re not a doctor, but from your vantage point, where do you think Rodgers had the impact?”  Come own, man.

Unfortunately, Conte still sucks

Jen Lada to Jermon “Shepherd” Bushrod:  “We’re back inside the Bears locker room here at Lambeau Field after a Bears victory.  My goodness that does not happen very often…”  Jen, my goodness, you need to look up the definition of “often.”  The Bears have won 5 of the last 10 at Lambeau, 19 of the last 40 at Lambeau, and 45 of 89 overall at Lambeau, giving us a winning percentage there of .506.  Nice work, girlfriend.

Can’t…..stop…..laughing!!!

SUPA BOWL, SUPA BEARS!

BEAR DOWN!

#McCownForMayor

© 2013

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