Bear Down Baffa

We had so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Going .500 since we lost Cutler, remaining tied for first place despite a plethora of defensive injuries, and our high-powered offense from a new head coach with 9 new starters from just 2 years ago.  But that all came tumbling down just 3 days after Turkey Day at the hands of a cubs-like opponent.  The Minnesota Vikings are unique in that their starting QB is a backup.  And we knocked that suckbag out at halftime.  So technically, we faced a third stringer during the second half and OT.  But it wasn’t their QB that beat us.  We did it to ourselves.  The only thing we can hope for is that the gun the Bears have been using all year to shoot themselves in the foot is about out of bullets.

This is what a REAL kicker looks like

We were up by 10 halfway through the fourth quarter.  And while clinging to a 3-point lead with less than 2 minutes left, we had the game in our pocket with Minnesota facing a fourth and 11 from their own 8.  But we let them go 80 yards on the next 8 plays to tie it with 20 seconds left.  Then we missed a last second FG from 66 yards.  In OT, they had a FG called back because of a penalty, then missed the re-kick from 57.  We missed one from 47, and then they hit one from 34 to win it.  In the end, we gave up 13 unanswered points.  We’ve now lost 2 in a row for the second time this year, and this one was to a team that only had 2 wins coming in.  It’s also the second time in a row they’ve beaten us up there, the fifth out of the last 7, and ninth out of our last 12 trips to Minneapolis.  And Conte has only played in 3 of them!  At least he didn’t injure any LB’s this time!

Conte’s pretty yellow bracelet didn’t prevent him from sucking

Robbie “I Should Change My Last Name To Bronze.  No Wait, What’s Worse Than Bronze?  Whatever It Is, I Should Change It To That” Gould missed a 47-yarder in OT that would have won it for us.  You can’t blame a loss on one play or one player, so I’m blaming this game on him, his wife and his newborn son.  Apparently his wife had given birth early Sunday morning.  And for some reason, this knob thought attending the birth is more important than the Bears winning a football game.

Teammates immediately tried to distance themselves from Gould

Listen, you are making $2.5M this year and are only asked to play 16 days a year.  And as a kicker, you are only asked to be on the field about 10 plays a game.  That’s about $15K per play.  I think your son, who won’t remember your being there, would’ve appreciated your getting a good night’s sleep and keeping the Bear’s playoff hopes alive over holding his amniotic-fluid-covered body for 5 minutes before catching a redeye to the Twin Cities.  I’m fairly certain the gated community in which he’ll be raised, his private school education and free college tuition would certainly help him get over your not being there during the first 24 hours of his life.

Gould will now have plenty of time to
spend with his family – during the playoffs

Marc Trestman + 0 = Lovie Smith
On second down from the Minnesota 29 with 4:12 left in OT, Trestman called a timeout before kicking a FG.  Why, to ice your own kicker?  Then the Vikings called a timeout, double-icing Gould.  But why the fuck did you kick a FG on second down?!  We had just run it 5 straight plays for 23 yards, a 4.6 average.  And we only needed 7 yards for a first down.  Why not just keep running until they stopped us?!  This has to be the worst call a Bears Head Coach has made in my lifetime.

Notice the old Bears fan to the right – raising
his hand to volunteer to fill in for Conte

Offense
Josh McCown was once again decent, going 23 of 36 for 355 yards, 9.9/attempt, 2 TD’s, no INT’s and a 114.9 QBR.  But he didn’t do enough.  Alshon “Al-Time Receiving Yards” Jeffery broke the Bears single-game receiving yardage record for the second time this year with 249 yards on 12 catches and 2 TD’s, putting him at 1,100 yards three quarters of the way through the season.  That also puts him on pace to catch Marshall’s season-record of 1,508 yards from last year.  And Matt “Losing In Minnesota Is My New” Forte had 151 yards on 25 touches, a 6-yard average.

McCown getting a preview of his next career as a “fluffer”

Defense
We held Minnesota to just 13 yards in the first quarter, getting 3 sacks and forcing 3 punts – more punts than we got all of last week.  But for the remaining 3+ quarters, we allowed almost 500 yards, including 373 after halftime, and only got 2 sacks and forced 3 punts.  And we gave up 23 points.

Hey, did you see that old guy in the stands?
Maybe he can do a better job than us.

We also allowed a RB to go over 100 yards for the sixth game in a row, with Peterson gaining 211.  And we allowed 246 rushing yards overall.  That’s 200+ rushing yards for the third time in our last 5 games with an average of 197.  The lone bright spot was Khaseem “-s Like He Ka-Sucks” Greene getting his first career pick at the goal line and returning it to mid-field.  But it didn’t lead to any points.  So who gives a shit.

Conte takes a break to douse the flames on his jock on this play

Special Teams
We limited Minnesota to 28 yards on 12 kick returns.  But Gould went 2 for 4 on FG’s, only the second time he’s missed 2 in one game.  Hester was nowhere all day until a 57-yard kickoff return with 20 seconds left in regulation that gave us the ball at midfield.  But it was too little, too late.

Hester let a kicker – the only thing between him and the endzone –
tackle him.  I’ve never seen Gould make a game-saving tackle.

Doubtlook
Falling to .500 for he first time this season at 6-6, we blew yet another opportunity to gain ground in the Wild Card race with AZ (7-5) losing.  But they lost to Philly (7-5), who just passed us despite being 2 games behind us a month ago.  And with Carolina (9-3) and SF (8-4) both winning, the WC is realistically out of reach.  So it looks like our only hope is to win the division.

#84 to ref: “Hey ref, where’s the john?  I gotta take a massive dump!”

But with 7-5 Detroit (sucks!) winning, we’re trailing them by a game again, and of course they hold the tie-breaker.  As we head into the final quarter of the season, we play DAL, @CLE, @PHI and GB (who might be Rodgers-less) while the Lions have @PHI, BAL, NYG and @MIN.  So there IS a chance, but it’s highly doubtful – especially if Trestman is our coach and Gould is our kicker.

#84 to ref: “But before I go, let me jiggle deez nuts real quick.”

Quotes to Note
Comcasts’s Jim Miller:  “Unfortunately Robbie Gould wasn’t golden today.”  Oh, real clever Jimmy.  Making a pun on his last name.  How original.

Conte in typical form – 3 steps behind
the runner, and 2 behind his teammates

Comcasts’s Dan Jiggets:  “They had plenty of opportunities on both sides of the ball to get it done, and they didn’t do it.  And they have nobody to blame but themselves.  They’re fortunate to have been in the situation they were in at the end.  I mean, cuz they had their shots.  When you keep playing like that, you keep playing with fire, and we’ve talked about it before, you get burned.  And they got burned again today.”  At least we didn’t have to hear him talk about the orange koolaid tasting like victory.

Enough with the nipple rubbing already!

Comcasts’s Chris Boden: “We have Robbie Gould, it seemed like a perfect situation for him.  He welcomed a baby into the world earlier this morning.  Took a redeye flight in order to get to the game on time.  You thought it was all setting up perfectly for him, a 47-yarder, he’s made those in his sleep throughout his career, doing it without any conditions to worry about as well.  But he misses that one, that opens the door for the Vikings to march right back down and get this 23-20 OT victory.”  Fuck Robbie Gould.  And fuck his newborn son.

Barry Bonds – before and after photo

Trest:  “As hard as we played we didn’t play well enough to win, there’s no doubt about it, in all 3 phases…The accountability starts with me, we didn’t do it well enough to win and that starts with me, and I take responsibility for that.”  Does that mean you’re resigning?  Cause that’s what it sounds like you’re saying to me.

There’s that creepy guy again!

Trest on why he tried to kick a FG on second down:  “We were definitely in range, and I didn’t want, at that point in time, (to) risk a penalty that would’ve set us back, similar to what happened on the other side, or a fumble of some time, something unique.  And I felt that we were clearly in range and we could get the game over at that time…I’ve seen it happen many times before.”  Yeah, maybe you’ve seen FG’s on second down in the CFL where they only get 3 downs, jackwad.

Only the Bears could lose to a team that plays in a shopping mall

Gould on kicking it on second down, while choking back tears:  “We get called out there to kick it, I’ve got to go out there and make it…It was in my range.  I make that kick a lot…I just didn’t do it…That game could’ve cost us the playoffs and that’s on my shoulders.”  Could’ve?!  COULD’VE?!  I hope your son gets Incognito-ed in kindergarten!

No, Vikings fan, save your steamers for when you play Cleveland!

Click here to see the last 3:20 of game

Supa No, Supa BEARS!

BEAR DOWN!

#CutGouldSoHeCanSpendTimeWithHisSon

© 2013

This entry was posted on Mon, Dec 2, 2013 at 8:38 pm and is filed under h) 2013 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.