Bear Down Baffa

It was cold.  Single digits cold.  And below zero with the wind chill.  Dallas (who borrowed Ditka for a few years after he was deemed too much Bear for Chicago) came in riding a 2-game win streak, had won 5 of their last 7, and had been tied for first place in their division on Sunday morning.  The Bears, on the other hand, had lost 2 straight, 6 out of their last 9, and 9 of their last 11 December games.  But Da Coach was back on our sideline, and he provided so much emotional heat that even Robbie “My Kid Is More Important Than The Playoffs” Gould couldn’t blow this one.

McCown, doing his take on the Supa Bow Shuffle, came
up with this spinning back kick to honor Ditka as he scored

Dallas came right out and scored a TD on their first drive, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned.  But we came right back and scored our own TD.  And just like voting in Chicago, we scored early and we scored often.  In fact, we scored every time we touched the ball.  8 possessions, 8 scores.  We took the lead for good toward the end of the first half, and opened up the can of whoop ass after Ditka’s number was retired at halftime.  Everybody played well, even Gould and Conte.  OK, maybe not Conte.  But his damage was minimized by our high-powered offense that started only 2 players that were here 2 years ago and was set ablaze by jet fuel and Ditka.

If I could, I would buy this flag and sleep wrapped in it every night

Daaaaaaaaaa Coach
If the Bears hadn’t dominated Dallas like they were a girl named Debbie in 1978, we still would’ve had plenty to celebrate Monday night.  That’s what made this game so special.  The Bears franchise finally got off their collective ass and retired the living legend Mike Ditka’s #89.  A three sport athlete at Pitt, where he was widely considered one of the best TE’s in college football history and also punted, he was a first round draft pick (fifth overall) by the Bears in 1961.  Iron Mike became the first TE inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame.  And he is still the only man to win a championship with a team as both a player (’63) and a head coach (’85).  He also won a Super Bowl as both a player (’72) and an assistant coach (’77) with Dallas.

Ditka’s jersey number AND sweater were retired

He was brought in by golf cart and walked up a red carpet to the stage erected in his honor, much like most wenuses in Chitown.  He gave a touching and very brief speech – partially due to the cold and partially due to his humility.  He ended by saying, “I could go on, but I wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you.”  And then he screamed, while pumping his fist, “And Go Bears!”  And it was on in the second half.

Nothing says “legend” like face cutouts from several different decades

He’s lived through a heart attack (’88), a minor stroke (’12) and 7 seasons coaching Jim McMahon (’82-’88), who was perhaps the reason for the heart attack.  But most importantly, Ditka was the face (and the testicles) of the greatest sports team known to mankind, the ’85 Bears.  “And when they look back at the annals of history, they’re gonna be talking about four things: discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, the Flint Michigan MegaBowl, and the ’85 Bears.”

Fuck Brady & Belichick – McMahon & Ditka is the best duo of all time!

No Punt Intended
Adam “I Don’t Like To Punt In The Cold” Podlesh was on the field 9 times, but only to hold field goals and extra points, as we didn’t punt once.  Not once!  That’s only the third time that’s happened in the NFL this year.  So he pretty much spent the night by the heaters keeping his scrawny ass warm, and texting Gould’s wife to check on their son.

This one is for my folks – the only guy they hate more than
Ditka is Obama, who was living in Kenya during the ’85 season

Offense
We amassed 490 total yards, 33 first downs, went 8 for 11 on third down and committed only 2 penalties (though both were offensive) – all of which are season bests.  We allowed only one sack, and didn’t turn the ball over once.  Oh, and we put up the most points we’ve scored all year (45), all coming on OFFENSE, without the help of a takeaway or a short field.  We ran, we passed, we blocked, we broke tackles, and we scored every single time we touched the ball.  And then we fixed the Obamacare website.  Ha-ha, just kidding.  That shit ain’t ever gonna work!

Our O-Line deserves much credit for Monday night’s domination

Despite the almost unBEARably cold weather, Josh “Who’s Jay Cutler?” McCown was a steaming hot 27 of 36 (75.0%) for 348 yards, 9.7/attempt, 4 TD’s, 1 rushing TD, 0 INT’s, 0 fumbles and a 141.9 QBR.  That’s a career day for him, and a better day than Cutler has had in his entire career.  Alshon “Highlight Reel” Jeffery made some highlight reel catches.  Again.  And Matt “Rushing For Over 100 Yards Is My New” Forte rushed for over 100 yards for the second week in a row (102), gaining 175 total yards on 27 touches (a 6.5 average).

McCown to Cutler:  “See Jay, look how easy it is!”

Defense
Despite allowing a RB to go over 100 yards for the sixth straight game – and tying an NFL record in doing so – and giving up 198 rushing yards, we held Dallas to 328 total yards.  We only got 2 sacks and didn’t get any turnovers, but we limited All-Pro Romo to 11 for 20 (55%) for 104 yards (5.2/attempt).  Chris “If I Have More Than 6 or 7 Tackles, Your Team Must Suck” Conte had 8 tackles, which tells you more about the Cowboy’s offense than Conte’s tackling prowess.

Conte was still Conte, showing up just in time for opponent TD’s

Special Teams
Gould rebounded from last week’s devastation with a season-high 13 points.  He earned his pay this week, hitting 4 FG’s, 3 XPT’s and kicking off 9 times.  He also made a one-handed tackle, which I think tells you more about the Cowboy’s return game than it does about Gould’s tackling prowess.  Devin “Running Backwards Is My Matt Forte” Hester didn’t do much, but we didn’t need him to.

Now that Gould’s son is a week old, he
can get back to the important things in life

Outlook
With Detroit (sucks!) losing in a snow bowl in Philly, we’re back to being tied for first place.  And we both lead GB by half a game due to their tie.  We’re 2 games behind Carolina and San Fran (both 9-4) with 3 to play, and they are 2 and 3 games ahead of us respectively in conference record (the first tie-breaker for non-division opponents).  AZ also won, moving to 8-5.  So the Wild Card is all but out.

Romo: “Anybody know what time it is?  I think it’s time
for us to make like a tree and get the fuck out of here!”

We play @CLE, @PHI and GB.  The Lions have BAL, NYG and @MIN.  And GB plays @DAL, PIT and @CHI.  It will most likley come down to the wire.  But after how good we looked on Monday night, and if Cutler and Briggs come back, we may be in it to win it.  And if Ditka shows up, it’s Supa Bow all the way, baby!

This guy looks like he could lead us to the promised land.  Now
I don’t know where that is, but this game he looked like he did.

Quotes to Note
Dallas’ DeMarcus Ware on McCown’s performance:  “If you were back there quarterbacking, and we played the way we played, you probably would have five touchdowns.”  Wah.  Somebody sounds like a sore loser.

Dallas’ Selvie felt differently than
Ware, bowing down in awe of McCown

CSN’s Dan Jiggets:  “Everybody all in, doing their jobs…that’s what you get when put an effort together like they did tonight.  Everybody pulling on the same end of the rope, you get a nice win here in December on a frigid, cold Soldier Field.  It was a thing of beauty, really…They came to Chicago and got the beating they so richly deserved.”  Damn, Jiggs!  You go, girl!

89 – the last Chicago Bears number to be retired

CSN’s Jim Miller:  “For me, it’s got to be a December to remember.  If the Bears play like this all the way out, they got a chance.  I think we know Detroit (sucks!) can stub their toe.  They just did it in Philadelphia, and they may do it again next week against the Baltimore Ravens.  So if the Bears play like this, and play with that type of offensive production…they’ll be just fine to make the playoffs.”  Way to go out on a limb, Jim.  As long as we score 45 points a game, even with Conte playing, we should be fine.

Conte getting beat AGAIN for a Dallas TD

CSN’s John “Moon” Mullin:  “Let’s not make too much out of one game because the last 4 games they haven’t scored over 23 points.  This is the kind of performance you need out of an offense in order to win…(but) it needs to be sustained.  This was a step in the right direction, sustaining is everything.”  Hey Moon, was “sustain” your word of the day in your daily word calendar?

Patton Oswalt showed up to honor Da Coach

CSN “Sports” Reporter Jen Lada:  “It is safe to say that perhaps the Cowboys were ill-equipped to handle this chilly Chicago weather that Marc Trestman had his guys practicing in the week leading up to this game.”  Really, Jen?  Is it safe to say, or is it perhaps?  It can’t be both.

McCown to Romo: “Hey, good game, man.”
Romo to McCown:  “Who are you again?”
Romo to someone next to McCown:  “Who is that guy?”

Trest on the O-Line protecting McCown:  “I think it all starts with our offensive line.  They kept him clean.  I thought our protection was very, very good tonight.”  Yes, and you have Coach Ditka to thank for that!

So much for tailgaters “roughing it”

Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!

BEAR DOWN!

#DaCoach

© 2013

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