Bear Down Baffa

Put up or shut up.  Go big or go home.  This one’s for all the marbles.  To the victor go the spoils.  Here’s where we separate the men from the boys.  Shit or get off the pot.    There are plenty of sayings to describe what the Bears did – and did not do.  Despite their mediocrity all season, the Bears still had the chance to win their division.  And we were right there, winning with under a minute to play.  But the bottom line is we sucked.  The big one.  We’ve now lost 9 of our last 11 to GB.  And all hyperbole aside, the Bears 2013 season turned out to be the most epic failure in the history of sports.

The Pack did what we couldn’t do –
finish…the play, the game and the season.

With the loss of Urlacher, a passive Defensive Coordinator in Mel Tucker, injuries across the board leaving us utterly defenseless, we faltered and blew our shot, finishing the season right where we started – with as many wins as losses.  Starting Chris “Someone Hand Me A Fire Extinguisher To Put Out The Flames In My Jock” Conte all season might have been our ultimate failure.  But if I’m going to put this season all on one guy, that guy would be Robbie “I May Be The Most Accurate Kicker In NFL History, But I Blew The Bears 2013 Season” Gould for missing the OT kick in Minnesota.

Conte is the Robbie Gould of our defense – minus the
talent, successful history and newborn child for an excuse

We had GB right where we wanted them.  After going down 6 at halftime, we scored 3 TD’s on our first 3 second half drives, and we had an 8-point lead with 12 minutes left.  But we let them go 77 yards on 6 plays to pull within 1, and then we punted.  And on GB’s final drive, we let them convert on fourth down 3 times!  The last was a 48-yard TD pass to Conte’s guy with 38 seconds left.  How does that even happen?!  It was typical of our play against them damn fudge packers, and of our season.  Thanks, Obama.

This about summarizes the game and our season  –
Marshall has missed the playoffs every season of his career

Season Reflection
So with our season over, it’s time to reflect on the past four months, so here goes:  it was real, it was fun, but it wasn’t real fun.  And Conte sucks.  OK, reflection over.  So long 2013 – you were a real cuntbag!

Podlesh lets one rip onto Conte (who’s cooling his
jock) – and for that, Podlesh deserves the game ball

Outlook
Offensively, we’re pretty solid, starting 7 new players this year who all played well.  The big question here is at QB.  I think Cutler will be back, and if he is, McCown may not be.  But if Cutler doesn’t come back, McCown will probably be signed.  No one really knows except Emery, Cutler, McCown and their agents.  Any speculation made about this by anyone else is just that – speculation.

Nipple rubbing aside, no one knows who our QB will be next year

Where we have a lot of work to do is on the defensive side of the ball.  There are a lot of guys whose contracts are up, but we are well below the cap going into next year.  Tucker may have to start from scratch and rebuild.  But with the job Emery did on the offensive side of the ball, Bears fans have a reason to be optimistic on the other side.  As long as Conte doesn’t come back.

I have a suggestion for the defensive rebuild:
get rid of this heaping pile of elephant shit!

Quotes to Note
Trest:  “I thought our guys came to play tonight.”  Hey Einstein, you were wrong.

Rodgers collects on their pre-game bet:
a post-game, on-field nipple rub for the winner

Trest on the GB fumble that became a TD:  “There’s never been a time this whole year where I’ve blown a whistle in practice and the ball was on the ground that we didn’t pick it up and (try to) scoop and score with it.  So for me to try to explain why that happened, I really can’t at this time because we’ve never allowed the ball to sit on the ground like that at any time in practice.”  Is it me, or did Trest, for the first time all year, throw the defense under the bus?

Conte walks away after getting beat
for (hopefully) the last time as a Bear

CSN’s John “Moon” Mullin:  “If you don’t stop an injured guy on fourth and 1, shut up.”  Amen, brother.

Trestman and his “creepy guy” boyfriend
leave the field for the last time this year

Cutler on Forte:  “He’s underrated, you know, I think in the public’s eye.  He did a heck of a job for us.  I think he’s the best all-around back in the NFL.  You leave him in there on third down.  He pass protects.  We throw him the ball (on) check downs.  He had 60+ catches this year and he ran the heck out of the ball, up the middle, end, on the edge.  So I’m glad he’s on our team.  Each week, we’re like, ya know, how can we get Matt the ball.  We gotta get him more touches.  He’s fun to play with.”  Well said, Jay.  Although you may never play with him again.

2014 new word based on 2013 new word:
“gelfie” – a gay, group, game selfie.

Marshall:  “Definitely thankful for the opportunity we had to control our own destiny.  You couldn’t ask for anything more than that.  And we didn’t get it done.”  Yes, you could ask for something more than that.  How about a stop on fourth down?  Or for the defense to play til they hear a whistle?  Or a new free safety?  Or for Hester to run forward instead of backward?  Or for Cutler to throw passes to someone other than you?  Or for McClellin to be able to pass rush?  Or for the Bears to have found a way to bring Urlacher back?  Or a few more gelfies?

We didn’t stand a chance with this guy rooting against us

Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!  (2014)

BEAR DOWN!

#FuckThe2013Bears

© 2013

This entry was posted on Mon, Dec 30, 2013 at 5:39 pm and is filed under h) 2013 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.