Bear Down Baffa

The Bears had their one shot, and they missed their chance to blow.  This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.  With a virtually new team compared to just a few years ago, this was our time to weigh in against the mighty Pack and see what’s what.  And the conclusion is simple: we are still not on Green Bay’s level.  I wanted this game.  I wanted it bad.  I was so ready for us to rally as a team, and I thought we were finally ready to go toe-to-toe with the monsters of our division.  But much like my thoughts on Obamacare, I was insanely wrong.  GB kicked the ever-living shit out of us.  Again.  And because of this (just like Obama’s re-election), the world is now forever ruined.  And I’m pissed.  Royally pissed.

One of the rare moments GB wasn’t scoring
(For your FYI:  It’s a timeout)

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The Supa Bow called…they want their Bears back!  After starting 0-1 at home, we went on the road for two games in prime time against fiery defenses, and somehow we came home 2-1.  And this game was won defensively.  We stopped the Jets 5 times in the red zone, including their last: a fourth-and-five from our 9 in the final minute.  With this stellar performance, I think our new defense just popped its cherry.  But since they are so young, and we witnessed it, does that make us all accessories to child pornography?

Mundy “Pick-6’d the Shit-6” out of the Jets on Monday Night

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The last time the Bears came back after trailing by more than 16 points was a dry, Monday night in Arizona in 2006.  Hester was introduced to the world, and Urlacher had the greatest game in his illustrious career that night in the infamous, “They are who we thought they were!” game.  We are now 3-140-1 when trailing by 16 or more, but we’re 1-0 at San Fran’s new “Levi’s Stadium.”  And with a name like that (in addition to committing 16 penalties for 118 lost yards), San Fran deserved to lose!

Marshall makes the first of his 3 TD catches

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Jay “I Just Won The Lottery” Cutler has already over-stayed his welcome in Chicago.  Now that he’s making more than $1M per game, and he’s surrounded by Pro Bowlers with a QB Whisperer in his ear, there is a different standard to which he is being held.  And 2 INT’s with an 86.2 QBR definitely doesn’t meet that standard.  Jay, you are now 0-1 as a premier QB, and you lost at home to a shitty team with a QB who’s only thrown 12 NFL TD’s.  Nice job, suckwad!  I bet the guys that advised the Bears on committing that much cash to Cutler are sweating bullets tonight.  And if they’re not, they should be!

Buffalo came in, held our balls and told us to cough, then snuck
out the back door with our wallets while we pulled our pants up

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There are few times in our lives when we become so full of anticipation that we can feel it surround us like a cool pool of water up to the neck on a hot day.  And while these times can lead to an expectation not being met, they teach us to appreciate times like this.  And by “times like this” I mean the euphoria-inducing potential bestowed upon us in the form of the 2014 Chicago BEARS Offense!  Similarly to how I’d feel if Iron Mike made a triumphant return to the field as a player, I’m so over-joyed that I’m finally ready to forgive Robbie “My Son Ruined The Bears 2013 Season” Gould for missing the FG in OT in Minni last year and costing us the playoffs.  LOL, I’m only kidding – I hope ISIS gets ahold of that cocksucker because he’s DEAD to me!

Trestman breaks camp in Bourbonnais, where there
are only 2 things to do: 1) practice football and 2) leave

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