The Bears had their one shot, and they missed their chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo. With a virtually new team compared to just a few years ago, this was our time to weigh in against the mighty Pack and see what’s what. And the conclusion is simple: we are still not on Green Bay’s level. I wanted this game. I wanted it bad. I was so ready for us to rally as a team, and I thought we were finally ready to go toe-to-toe with the monsters of our division. But much like my thoughts on Obamacare, I was insanely wrong. GB kicked the ever-living shit out of us. Again. And because of this (just like Obama’s re-election), the world is now forever ruined. And I’m pissed. Royally pissed.
One of the rare moments GB wasn’t scoring
(For your FYI: It’s a timeout)
Ironically, we came out roaring, starting the game with a 15-play, 80-yard, TD drive that took 8 and a half minutes – our longest opening drive in eight years. Cutler was 5 for 6, including 2 for 2 on third down, and Matt “Rushing for 122 Yards On 23 Carries For A 5.3 Average Is My New” Forte had 30 yards on 6 carries on this momentous drive. But GB came right back, scoring a TD via a 6-play, 81-yard drive that only took 1:18. It would be a sign of things to come, that no matter what we did, the Pack would do more – and they would do it more efficiently.
The forecast in Chitown was perfect – but only if you live in Green Bay
On our next drive, we ran on third and short from the GB 35 and failed, and then went for it on fourth and one. Cutler fumbled, but he picked it up and ran straight down the field for 15 yards – and a first down. The refs even added 10 yards for “Illegal Contact to the Head of A Sliding QB.” But after facing a second and goal at the 1, we had to settle for a FG. But it’s still points, right? The Pack responded by moving the ball with ease. When we did stop them on a third down, we committed a “Piling On” penalty, giving them a first down at our 15. And then they scored their second TD.
Rodgers even had time to overtly ogle the cheerleaders from the line
But we were resilient. We came back with a 10-play, 80-yard, TD drive that took 6:21 – our third straight score. But then Trestman thought he’d get cute and called an onside kick. Of course it didn’t work. Instead, GB got the ball at their 39, and they scored their third TD with a minute left in the half, taking the lead for good at 21-17. We came back, moving the ball another 80 yards on our last drive of the half in just over a minute. Unfortunately, we needed to go 80 yards and a millimeter. We got tackled on the goal line, and came away with bubkes. Cutler finished the half 15/21 (71.4%), 173 yards, 2 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a 127.7 QBR, which are great numbers. But the only number that mattered was 4 – the number of points we were behind despite those great stats.
A different Cutler came out in the second
half, and this one did NOT look comfortable
And then the second half came, and things 180-ed on us. GB continued to score with ease while we petered out like a ’71 Pinto running on a fermented cocktail of missed expectations and broken hearts. The Pack committed 2 penalties on their first drive, which was the only reason they had to settle for their lone FG of the day. We started moving the ball yet again, going 61 yards. That was until Cutler threw his first INT in 108 passes, giving GB the ball on our 35. Then, of course, they scored their fourth TD. Seeing a pattern here?
The Pack celebrated early – and often. Us? Not so much.
On our next possession, the Butler broke his new streak of 2 passes without a pick, which gave Rodgers the ball at our 11. So they scored their fifth TD. Yawn. We turned it over on downs after getting sacked on a third and one at their 37. Cutler finished the second half just 7 of 13 (53.8%) for 83 yards, 0 TD’s, 2 INT’s and a 33.9 QBR. And he put up a big ol’ goose egg on the board. We did block a FG attempt on GB’s last drive, which was the only drive they didn’t score. Jimmy “Cleanup Crew” Clausen then came in, threw one pass and handed off 9 times. And that was it. Thanks, Obama!
The incompletions accurately complete the picture
Offense
We gained almost 500 yards; it’s actually quite an accomplishment to ONLY score 17 points with that much yardage. We had 28 first downs (only 2 of which came via penalty), were 6 for 10 on third down, and were sacked only once. But the 2 picks killed us, especially with GB gaining a combined 102 yards on the pick returns. Cutler finished 22/34 (64.7%) for 256 yards, 7.5/att, 2 TD’s, 2 INT’s, and an 82.5 QBR. I think he should return half of his $1.1M paycheck since he only played half the game.
Another of the many – 12, to be exact – incomplete passes
Defense
We did not stop GB from scoring on a single possession (the FG block was technically Special Teams), we gave up 7.5 yards per play, and only got 1 sack. And we let Randall Cobb (the same guy who beat us on the last play of our season last year) and Jordy Nelson combine for 17 catches, 221 yards and 4 TD’s. They were like Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney making gold records together, and doing it in the Bears’ studio! Rodgers finished 22/28 (78.6%) for 302 yards, 0 INT’s, 4 TD’s and a 151.2 QBR. Ma. Jor. Fail. Ure.
Man, do I hate Randall Cobb!
Special Teams
There was not a single punt in this game because GB scored every time they touched the ball, and in the second half, Cutler just started throwing the ball to them. So much for using a sixth round pick to draft a Punter. He wound up playing three snaps the whole game – while holding the ball for FG’s and PAT’s. We did block a FG attempt at the end, which kept the Pack under 40, but the game was way over at that point.
And I hate Clay Matthews even more than Cobb!
Outlook
Everyone in our division won except us. At 2-2, we’re tied for last place and hold no tiebreakers. Awesome.
Most of all, I hate Aaron Rodgers! And his entire family!
(that smug motherf#&*er!!)
Quotes to Note
Announcer John Lynch, early in fourth quarter: “Well the wheels have come off for Jay Cutler.” He was actually quite lucky to get away with throwing only 2 picks. Should’ve been more like 4 or 5.
Rodgers: “I’m awesome, but ow! I caught my finger in my va-joy-na!”
Cutler on whether it will be a difficult game to bounce back from: “Not an easy one…eXpecially the way we played the first half, and the way we were clicking. But it’s early in the season. A lot of good things happened in this game. We’ve got a lot of football left to play. Get some guys back healthy again, hopefully, and keep moving along.” Actually, Jay, the word “especially” has exactly zero X’s.
Chants of “MVP” last week changed to “Cutler Sucks” – and rightfully so!
Supa Bow, Supa NO!
BEAR DOWN!
#TheBearsSuck!
© 2014
Bear Down Baffa 
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