Bear Down Baffa

The NE Patriots played Whack-a-Mole on the Bears’ heads Sunday, bringing our organization to a new low.  The last time we faced them, Lovie’s defense-minded squad played host in 2010.  We lost in the blizzard by 29 points (36-7) after allowing an “at the time” Bears-worst 33 points in the first half (and turning the ball over four times).  Well leave it to Belichick and Bradychick to top that.  This time Trestman brought his Big O to Bean Town, and though we only lost by 28 (51-23) and only had two turnovers, we did allow a new Bears-worst 38 first half points.  At this stage, we’re in Cubs territory.  And while it’s already embarrassing to wear the blue and orange in public, it may be time to put the house on the market.  Though I only wrote it in pencil, I just added a Brady jersey to my X-Mas wish list.

Apparently Gronk eats bear meat for breakfast

Trestman’s days in Chicago may be coming to a screeching halt, and you have to wonder if all those NFL teams that passed on hiring him over the past decade might have had good reason for doing so.  I mean, I don’t know a single person that thought the Bears would be 3-5 at the turn this year.  We’ve now lost 4 out of 5, and we’ve lost them by 21, 7, 13 and 28 points.  And there isn’t a single sign that it’s going to get any better.

Brady: “Wait, did Johnny score yet?  Hey you guys,
Johnny didn’t score yet.  I’ll throw a TD to Johnny next.”

The worst part of this is I saw it coming, and I warned you last week: “We go to NE on Sunday for what is looking to be quite a shit storm.  Remember what they did to us in the snow a few years ago?  Yeah, think Ebola outbreak at a nudist convention: shit everywhere.”  Now I’m not saying I’m a genius – this statement says that for me.  But it’s especially torturous when you predict that you’re team will metaphorically contract ebola and shit all over the field, and then they do just that – literally.  It gives me no joy in being right, but I chose this song to “celebrate” it anyway.

Bears reach a new low, low, low, low…

Houston, We Have A Problem
Speaking of celebrating…despite our trailing by 25 points at the time, Lamarr “Alexander” Houston took it upon himself to celebrate our lone sack – his first as a Bear.  And in doing so, he injured his knee, which seems to have upset everyone.  But not for the right reason.  What I’m upset about is his choice of celebration dance.  I mean, if you’re only going to make one play in a season, and you’re going to celebrate it in a blow out, and you’re going to hurt yourself in the process, wouldn’t you come up with a better sack dance than whatever that was?  Even the announcer agreed with me: “You don’t want to see anyone injured, but what a ridiculous celebration (dance).”

3rd highest contract ($35M) on team – will miss
rest of season due to weak ass dance move

On A Positive Note
You’d have to search a haystack of needles to find any positives in this game.  But our staff did just that, so here they are.  1) We limited NE to just 6 points in the fourth quarter, 2) The refs didn’t stop the game because of the Slaughter Rule, and 3) No one died (*at least not that we’re aware of).

One more positive: players had a great view of the
ass-whooping as it happened from the field – all in HD!

Offense
The play that best summarizes our day was when Cutler tried to make a two-handed forward pass as 3 guys held onto him in our redzone with a minute left in the first half.  Of course he fumbled, of course NE recovered, and of course they ran it back for a TD.   It was their third TD in 57 seconds.  The Butler threw a pick on his next pass to end the half, which was his league-leading 12th giveaway.

Regrettably, this image summarizes the first half of our season

Defense
NE ran 70 plays and averaged 7 yards per play; that’s about as bad as it gets defensively.  We couldn’t stop Brady, who showed us what an elite QB looks like, finishing 30/35 (85.7%), 354 yards, 10.1/att, 0 sacks, 5 TD’s, 0 INT’s, and a 148.4 QBR.  We also couldn’t stop the Gronk, who had a career day with 9 catches for 149 yards and 3 TD’s.  Or anyone else for that matter, as the Pats had five guys that gained over 50 yards.  F.

Our D knew Gronk’s former “Partner in Crime” is in
prison for murder, so they were afraid to touch him

Special Teams
We almost had another punt blocked.  NE only punted once, but they kicked off 10 times, and we didn’t have one memorable return, revealing just how awful our return game is.  And our kicker was out-scored 15-1.

Cutler: “I wonder where I’ll spend the $1M I made to lose this week.”

Outlook
Despite this being our bye week, Vegas has us at even odds to lose on Sunday.

“Let’s put 20 seconds on the clock and see
how many jokes we can come up with…”

Quotes to Note
Sam Rosen: “I know there is disappointment in Chicago, but I know we have a big group of fans watching us at the Knickerbocker hotel where my niece Jay Eisenberg got married last night to John Kendis.  Great wedding, and the fans in Chicago, hang tough for your Bears.”  Hey Sam, nobody gives a fuck about your niece, and to try to tie that to some bullshit sentiment for the losing team is a bush league shout out.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Jen Lada called: she wants her mouth back.

Yup, it’s come to this

Dan Jiggets: “They just got smoked from the word go.  It was a bad game.  It started off bad and it got plenty worse…This things is, right now, it’s looking like the Titanic.  Is there anything possible, is there any hope, from the second hull maybe, to kick in and save it from going down?”  No Jiggs, she’s sunk.  And she ain’t coming back up.

At least Cutler’s never done this…(yes, that’s Tom Brady)…

Supa Bow, Supa Aw Heyel NAW!

BEAR DOWN!

#FireTrestman

© 2014

This entry was posted on Mon, Oct 27, 2014 at 12:15 pm and is filed under g) 2014 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.