Bear Down Baffa

I feel no joy being right this year, but you have to admit I’ve been spot on.  Our season started badly, it’s gotten worse, and there’s no tunnel (let alone an end) from which to glean any light.  As we predicted, Cutler went down, his backup is inadequate, and our defense has fewer stars than Jeb! has former presidents in his bloodline.  And on Sunday, we continued our recent trend of using both old and new ways to fail.  Old: we kept it close til the half, allowed the opponent to set a team scoring record, and then lost (all for the 3rd straight week).  New: we didn’t turn it over, fell to 0-3 for the 1st time since ’03, and got shutout for the 1st time since ’02 (when Henry “Only One” Burris made his one – and only – career start).  Unfortunately, with that kind of hidden creativity, it’s likely the Bears have yet to hit rock bottom.

If a tree falls in the forest, does a Bear cry?

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The two cardinal rules of today’s NFL are: 1) offenses live and die by their QB, and 2) defenses live and die by pressuring the QB.  On Sunday, the Bears proved to be a house of cards in both areas as our D got 0 sacks for a 2nd straight week, and our QB play was vaginal at best (not to disparage vaginas).  It didn’t take long for AZ to show their hand, taking the opening kickoff to the house.  We hung in for a bit, but eventually folded when Cuter walked off with his uterus hanging out of his jock.  And when AZ called, we revealed that we were bluffing, as our backup filled in as nicely as a pap smear.  Boy, those two are lucky they have union health coverage because the House just voted to block funding for Planned Parenthood.

AZ pulled a Hester on us – but do you
remember the Hester we pulled on them?

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It was a good game.  Kind of exciting.  The Bears came out like a complete team for the first time in almost a year, and apparently all it took was dumping Conte.  We played better than probably even we expected, but in a story that’s become commonplace this time of year in Chicago, the better team pulled away before too long.  Though the final score was close, Green Bay put a fork in this one when they stepped on the field after the half.  They were better in preparation and execution from that point on.  But the Bears – at least for today –  are in third place in our division.  And if you’re a Cub fan, that makes this a winning season.

Pack lives matter

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