Bear Down Baffa

Two bottom feeders played “not it” with the “Worst Team in the NFC” trophy on Sunday in the worst city in the country, Detroit (sucks!).  The 2-3 Bears had lost 4 straight to the Lions (including Detroit’s last win), and the 0-5 Lions (losers of 6 straight) were the league’s last winless team.  Both lost their highest paid defenders, both recently benched their QB’s and both are headed nowhere fast.  But the Bears won out as the team most detrimental to its own good, which is saying a helluva lot considering how hard the Lions fought to keep that title!  Detroit deserves a ton of credit for actually “playing” worse, they just wound up winning because the Bears “are” worse.  So we made the drive home with the trophy strapped to the roof like Mitt Romney’s dog.  And the only thing worse than being Romney’s dog, or going to Detroit, is leaving Detroit a loser.

Bears players try to force “NFC Worst” belt onto Detroit player

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Until just 8 days ago, the Bears had lost 8 straight.  But apparently our locker room didn’t get the memo, as we went on the road to get our 2nd straight win Sunday.  Now before Jim Miller “straps open the party boots,” remember that the 2 teams we beat are 3-7, and the teams they’ve beaten are 4-11.  And while we’re no longer the worst ranked defense, that title is now held by none other than the Chiefs.  So while it’s great that we came back and won, once again, we only needed to come back because of our own ineptitude.  And again, it was new-level ineptitude:  this time Cutler gave away a TD by fumbling in our own end zone.  So once again, we “bearly” won, which we define as “a crappy team stumbling into a win against another crappy team at the last second.”  But hey, though we’re “bearly” on one, at least it’s a win streak!

Maybe not telling our squad that they suck is working?
Or perhaps they’re reading my blog for motivation?

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That’s not a typo in the title, “bearly” is a new adverb we created to describe a crappy team that stumbles into a win against another crappy team at the last second.  Because that’s all that happened on Sunday.  And if the Bears get any more wins this year, they’ll probably be in a similar fashion.  Granted, a win is a win, but I rank “winning by FG” as 127th on the list of manly ways to win in the NFL.  And we only needed that FG because we threw a late pick and lost the lead.  Whether you’re a respected NFL team in rebuild mode, an immigrant in a spelling bee, or Donald Trump, that all still spells “loser.”

Even Gould was stunned that we won Sunday

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