Bear Down Baffa

The Vikings went trick-or-treating on Sunday at Soldierz Field, dressed up as an NFL team that eats purple people.  And despite having an extra week to prepare, the Bears, who were also dressed as an NFL team (albeit not as convincingly), hospitably filled their bags with a bounty of endless chances to win the game.  And Minnesota accepted those chances like child ghosts, ghouls and goblins fiending for sugar in your local cul-de-sac.  But what some haven’t yet accepted, and will soon be forced to accept (it’s only a matter of time), is that the Bears were the ones that came up winners on Sunday.  With this loss, we moved up 3 slots on next year’s draft board.  And anytime you’re moving up like Ben Carson, it’s got to be good!

The Vikes took their sacks (of candy) – and the win – home

Recap
This game was crap from the start.  There were 5 lead changes, both teams had 7-point leads, and it was tied at both the half and the 2-minute warning.  We punted on 4 of our first 5 possessions, and our 1st TD only came after we picked them off at their 34 at the end of the half.  Whoppity woo.

Cutler kept trying to tickle Long’s armpit while throwing

It took us 20 more minutes to reach the end zone in the 2nd half, but Cutler reminded us that he’s one of the few on our squad that still possesses a nutsack by plowing it in on a sneak from 4 yards out.  It was one of few plays I rewound to watch again.  But like every game this year, something new was revealed about the 2015 Bears.  This time it was that we can take a 7-point lead at home with 5 minutes left – and still lose it in regulation.

Jay:  “Did you guys see the size of that chicken?!”

Even after we let them tie it 3 minutes later, we were in the driver’s seat with the ball and 1:49 remaining.  But we 3-and-outed on what turned out to be our final possession of the game, and gave them the ball back after killing just 49 seconds – without Minni having to take a single timeout.  And then we let them walk down to our redzone on 3 plays and kick a FG to win it as time expired.

Even with Viking players helping us tackle their
teammates, we couldn’t keep them out of our endzone

The Low Down
We started our third Center in 4 games.  And we were without Jeremiah “The Player Formerly Known As Jay” Ratliff, who is now “The Player Formerly Known As A Chicago Bear.”  He was released last week after being escorted from Halas Hall –  but not before making a lasting impression with the Lake Forrest Police Department on his way out.  His absence was clearly felt in the middle.

Slauson: “Wait, which guy do I hike it to again?”

I didn’t even get excited when we took the lead late because I knew Minnesota was getting the ball back.  Our Offense might be good, even really good at times, but they cannot compensate for our Defense.  Or our Special Teams.  Speaking of which, can anyone explain to me WTF is going on with Special Teams?

Wilson, you have exactly 2 career TD catches –
you have NOTHING to be cocky about

We allowed another punt return for TD, and our punter Pat “I Like To Keep Both My Uniform – And My Vagina – Clean” O’Donnell had a shot to get him.  But he instead trotted along avoiding contact, and let the returner – and his blockers – go untouched the last 30 yards.  But he still managed to get in the pic!

Patty O’Donnell plays “Patty Cake” on punt returns

And Robbie “2 Out Of 3 Ain’t As Good As” Gould missed a FG from 51 yards.  Minnesota’s kicker was 3 for 3, meaning Gould got out-kicked at home by a dome team kicker.  It’s a new way, but still a way that he (and the lot of those Special Teams knuckleheads) have succeeded in disappointing us this season.

Gould tried using body language – but it was lost in translation

We didn’t turn it over, but we only got 1 sack on 30 pass plays, and we allowed 150 yards rushing on just 25 carries (6 per carry!).  And most importantly, we let Minni score 3 times in the 4th quarter.  It was kind of hard to watch.  Even an official stepped down, with Line Judge Ron “Hey, Did You Hear About Mariani?” Marinucci punching out after getting injured in the fourth quarter.

Line Judge, or Viking fan in costume faking injury?
You be the judge.

Oh, and Mini Mariani caught his 1st pass as a Bear after being targeted 6 times this season.  But he also fumbled 2 punt returns.  Lucky for him, we recovered both.

I couldn’t find a pic of Mariani’s catch, but I found a fumble!

Doubtlook
We’ve now been swept by our division, and GB, DET and Minni are an otherwise combined 9-10.  We still have to go to GB and Minni, both of whom have beaten us at home.  Maybe we can beat the Lions at home?

No so cocky now, are you, Wilson?

Nah, we’ll lose to Detroit (doesn’t suck as bas as us!).  But by falling to 2-5, we moved ahead of Washington, Philly and Tampa, and stayed even with Dallas, on the draft board.  And we’re currently third worst in the NFC.  I’m confident we can catch those other losers, though.

What’s with all the post game nipple rubbing?  I can’t even.

Quotes of Note
Bear’s DC Vic Fangio predicted the Cubs would win the World Series 2 weeks ago: “It’s in the bag, don’t even worry about it.” ~ Hey Vic, why don’t you stick with what you do best, putting it in the bag for opposing teams’ offenses!

As part of his costume, Jay even played
left-handed Sunday to help the Vikes’ cause

Trent Dilfer to his baton-passing cohort before his big Sunday night bit: “Did you know I was only offered one scholarship to play QB out of high school?  Fresno State took a chance on me.  FS’s had some pretty good QB’s actually, I’d probably be one of the worst of them.” ~ Trent, you’d “probably” be one of the worst QB’s on MY high school team.  You’d “definitely” be one of the worst at Fresno State.

With Forte going down, and being on the trade block,
this could be his final handoff from Jay as a Bear

GB Packers Head Coach Mike McCarthy, pissed off after falling to 6-1: “That’s a humbling loss.  I haven’t had my ass kicked like that in a long time.” ~ Wow.  How do we get this guy over to Halas Hall?

Jay sought parenting advice from Peterson after the game

On the Fox sports intro in Chicago, both Larry “This IS My Inside Voice, And No I’m Not” Yellin and Lou “Can, Toucan, Who Can?” Canellis referred to this loss as a “heart-breaker.” ~ Who, pray tell, is having his heart broken?  Fellas, if anyone’s heart is still breaking at this point, it’s on them.  This was just a gorgeous Chicago afternoon where the Bears made head-way in next year’s draft.  So get with the program, Debbie Downer!

He gone.  He gone.  He gone.  He gone…

BEAR DOWN?

#YesWeCan-Lose14

© 2015

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