Bear Down Baffa

The 2015 Bears are officially open for business!  After losing 10 straight conference games dating back to when Cutler & Trestman beat McCown & Lovie (just 9 days shy of a year ago), including 5 this year, we finally won an NFC game.  We still haven’t scored a 3rd quarter TD, but this was our first convincing win this year for several reasons.  1) The Rams were a top-5 defense.  2) The Rams were top-5 in rushing, led by a top-5 RB who’s a rookie.  3) We were without our best offensive and defensive players.  And 4) we won by 24 points after our first 3 wins were by a total of 6.  And now, despite starting 0-3, we’re 4-5.  And right in the middle of the playoff hunt.  Yes, THOSE playoffs!

We flipped St. Louis – and the NFC playoff picture – upside down

Recap
St. Louis scored first, a quick TD on their opening drive.  But it would be the last time they’d reach the endzone all day.  In response, our first play from scrimmage was a run for a loss of a yard.  But our second was a 2-yard screen pass that turned into an 87-yard TD to Zach “Sorry I Used Both Hands” Miller, the longest TD reception by a Bear TE since 1960.  And it would be a sign of more to come.

Miller would still be running if the Edward Jones
“Olmos” Dome floor wasn’t such a death trap

Our defense stopped them on their next drive – along with their much-hyped rookie RB, Todd “Do My Braids Make Me Look” Gurley.  But when they punted, Marc “Where’s The Ball?” Mariani fumbled, giving them the ball back at our 17 in what turned out to be a 50-yard gain for them.  But we held them to a FG, and came right back with a FG of our own to tie it again.  And though that was only after we punted and they fumbled on their first play from scrimmage, our D would shut them out for the next 2 quarters while the party for our O was just getting started.

Mariani doing the 2 things he does best –
fumbling in Bear territory, and watching

St. Louis punted on their next 2 drives while we scored 2 straight TD’s before the half.  The first was a long drive (on which Cutler was 7 for 7), culminating in a 2-yd TD pass to Zach “Hey, Do You Guys Remember Martellus ‘Hey, Do You Guys Remember Me?’ Bennett?” Miller.  And the second started with a 3-yard carry that was followed by an 83-yard TD pass to our own rookie RB, Jeremy “Hey, Do You Guys Remember Matt Forte?” Langford, who filled in for injured Matt “Watching A Rookie Do My Job At A Fraction Of The Cost Is My New” Forte.

This girl is own FIYAAAAAAA!

And so it was pretty much over at halftime.  The Rams actually came out for the second half, but could only muster up 3 points the rest of the way as our D put them on lockdown.  And though we didn’t score at all in the 3rd quarter, we put up 13 more offensive points in the 4th quarter to put it out of reach.  And Willie “Ever Get An Interception?” Young even added his first career INT late to pad our stats.

Gurley’s braids were hidden in the swarm that was the Bears D

The Low Down
We gained almost 400 yards, scored on 7 of our first 11 drives, and we scored our most points in a game (37) in almost 2 years.  And these points were all offensive; there were no defensive or special teams scores.  And we did it all against the league’s 5th ranked defense, and in their own backyard where they were 3-1.

Fan: “Jay, you’re the man!”  Jay: “Sorry, focussed
on the game right now, but right back at ya, slick.”

Cutler had a career day, even taking into account his body language.  He was 19 for 24 (79.2%) for 258 yards, 10.8 yards/attempt, 3 TD’s, 0 turnovers, and a career-best 151.0 QBR – almost all of which was in the first half.  He also became the first Bear QB to throw 2 TD passes for over 80 yards in a game – and he threw them both in 20 minutes.  And all without Matt “Playing Elsewhere Next Year Will Be My New” Forte.

Is it me, or do fans seem to be supporting Cutler more lately?

As for Jeremy “So Long Forte!” Langford, not only did he make us forget about Matt “Hello Green Bay!” Forte, but he had a nice little coming out party in doing so.  And when you add his 182 yards on 27 touches and 2 TD’s to Miller’s 5 catches for 107 yards and 2 TD’s, that’s 2 new guys that combined for 289 yards on 32 plays (a 9 yard avg.) – and 4 TD’s.  Maybe this whole rebuild thing isn’t necessary after all?

Bennett refuses to celebrate with rookies – even if its Langford
and he’s doing his “discount double check out my crotch” dance

Langford also out-played the Ram’s talk-of-the-town Todd “I Am Serious, And Don’t Call Me” Gurley with help from our svelte defense, who held him to just 45 yards on 12 carries.  STL scored only 3 times over their 13 drives, punting 6 times, turning it over twice, and losing it on downs twice.  And we held them to 4 of 16 on 3rd and 4th downs.  Yup, it was a pretty well-rounded ass whooping.

Even Robbie “It’s About Fricken Time I Was As Good As” Gould, who came in having missed 3 straight FG’s, finally did his job.  He was 3 for 3 on FG’s (from 35, 36 and 37 yards) and 4 for 4 on PAT’s.  If you take away his 13 points, we still won by a ton.  But if you take away our other points, he ties the Rams, goes to OT, and probably loses by missing a FG.

I didn’t say it – he did!

Outlook
Since 1990, teams starting 5-4 have made the playoffs 50% of the time, while teams starting 4-5 made it just 12%.  But this year, there are only two 5-4 teams (both in the AFC), and there are *ELEVEN 4-5 teams (6 in the NFC).  That means that *34.4% of the NFL is 4-5!  Added to which, there are only 9 teams that are more than 1 game over .500 – meaning there are 23 teams NOT more than 1 game over .500.  So those percentages probably won’t apply this year.  (*updated when Houston won on Monday night, moving to 4-5)

Willie “Get A Penalty” Young’s Key & Peele-esque fishing dance

Five of the six teams that were ahead of us lost this week (GB, Philly, STL, New Orleans & Seattle), while the sixth had a bye (ATL).  The 4 division leaders and 2 Wild Cards, however, stayed the same:

• 4 Division Leaders:  Car (9-0), Minn (7-2), AZ (7-2), NYG (5-5)
• 2 Wild Cards: GB (6-3), ATL (6-3)

Willie “Get Patted On The Butt 3 Times Once He
Stops After Seeing The Ref?” Young stopped once he
saw the ref – who then patted his butt at least 3 times

But beyond that, the NFC race is anything but typical.  All 4 teams with 4 wins LOST this week, and all 3 teams with 3 wins that played this week WON (TB had a bye).  So we go from having 0 teams with 5 wins, 4 teams with 4, and 4 teams with 3 to:  still 0 teams with 5 wins, SEVEN teams with 4, and only 1 team with 3.  Most importantly, the Bears (who were tied for “7th WC place”) caught 4 teams, putting us in a SIX-WAY TIE for 3rd WC place.  We trail the 2 WC teams by 2 games, but they’re a combined 0-5 over the last 3 weeks.  Here is the rest of the race:

• 3rd WC (6-way tie @ 4-5): Philly, STL, Sea, Wash, Tampa, and the BEARS
• 9th WC: New Orleans (4-6)
• 10th WC:  San Fran (3-6)
• 11th WC (tie @ 2-7): Dallas, Detroit (sucks!)

The NFC is in utter chaos right now with all the teams piled up

The bad news is that we’re 1-5 in the NFC, which is the 4th WC tie-breaker.  And we’re 0-3 in our division (2nd WC tie-breaker).  So we’d better hope we don’t tie anyone, unless we’ve beaten them head-to-head (1st t-b) or we’ve beaten more common opponents (3rd).  The good news is that we get to play 1 of the teams we’re chasing in 10 days (GB).  As for the other 5 with whom we’re tied, well, the new season begins today.

Jay’s lone “mistake” – sliding at mid-field to not get caught from
behind when there was NO ONE between him and the endzone

But before facing GB on Thanksgiving, we play our last game versus the AFC Worst (against whom we’re 3-0) next week when we host a slumping Denver – who will be without the impotent Peyton Manning (and by impotent, I’m talking about his winkie, which is probably as wet a noodle as his passes are these days).  So we’re in it to win it!  Unless we lose next week, then we’re pretty much out of it again.

The Bears could make the playoffs this year –
if they can just keep their eye on the ball

Quotes of Note
Jim Miller on Ram QB Nick Foles:  “Foles couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat today.” ~ Easy, Jimbo.  Foles put up 54 points on us a couple years ago.

Foles: “Man, this is a whole different team from
when I put up 54 points on them a couple years ago!”

Zach Miller on scoring 3 TD’s in 2 weeks after missing 4 seasons: “I’m blessed to be in this position to play here.  We’ve got a great team, a lot of weapons.  Other people are going to be covered, they’ve got to throw it to someone, you’ve just got to make the play when they throw it your way.” ~ I find it interesting that Mr. Modesty showed up in the locker room after Mr. Cocky SOB was on the playing field.

3 TD’s in 4 years, and this guy is show-boating?!

Martellus Bennett on Cutler’s success with calling audibles:  “I consider St. Louis (to be) Seattle’s little brothers.  It’s a bunch of front-runners.  I mean, 97 (referring to Ram DE Eugene “What Did I Do To Martellus Bennett!?” Sims), he’s a little bitch.  So, overall I was just happy to go out there and kick their ass.”  ~ I’m not sure he understood the question.  But hey, Martellus what you REALLY think!

Anybody ever watch Friends?

Ram QB Nick “This Was A Total Team Loss, Not Any One Particular Individual” Foles on his team losing (probably while most of his teammates were pointing at him while being interviewed themselves): “There’s no pointing fingers in situations like this.  It’s easy to point fingers.  It’s all of us.”  ~ Uhm, no, Nick.  It’s you.  It’s definitely you – and your 53 QBR.

Foles on our D: “Who are these guys?!  They’re supposed to suck!”

Jim Miller on Coach Fox’s mantra of playing hard every single down: “It’s catching on.  Maybe this is a watershed moment for this football team.” ~  We can only hope, Jimmy.

Cutler and Foles skipped the formalities and went right for the
nutulars (ya know, like “jugular,” but with their nuts) by sticking
their hands in each other’s pants as creepy security guy watches

BEAR DOWN!!!! (Yes, we can finally say that for the first time this year!)

#InItToWinIt-ForAtLeastOneMoreWeek

© 2015

This entry was posted on Mon, Nov 16, 2015 at 5:59 pm and is filed under f) 2015 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.