The 2015 Bears are officially in hospice. The Broncos, coming off 2 straight losses, brought their top ranked defense to town, but left the legendary Peyton Manning at home. And it turned out to be a wise choice. In case anyone didn’t hear it the 147 times it was mentioned during the game, Denver’s backup QB (Brock Osweiler) is 6’8”, his parents drove 14 hours to see him, he made his first career start, and it was his 25th birthday. What you may not know, however, is that he came in having thrown just 54 career passes – over 4,000 fewer than Cutler. And not only did Osweiler out-play Cutler, but he’s the only AFC QB to beat the Bears this year, knocking us down to 1-4 at home. And, for all intents and purposes, ruining our chances of making the playoffs. Happy fricken Thanksgiving.
Denver seemed delighted to play w/o the noodle-armed Manning
Recap
Denver scored on their opening drive for the 1st time in 14 games, the 3rd game in a row the Bears have allowed that to happen, and they punted on their next 3 drives before kicking a FG at the end of the half. The Bears, meanwhile, punted 3 times and kicked 2 FG’s, running only 1 play inside the Denver 20 in the entire 1st half. But we were somehow able to stay within 4 points. Probably because we no longer have Conte.
The 6’8″ Osweiler plays at “Mile High Stadium” for a reason
In the 2nd half, the Broncos punted 4 times, turned it over on downs (after Osweiler tripped their RB on a 4th-and-1 at our 2), and scored a TD. The Bears punted, Cutler threw a pick, we kicked our 3rd FG, turned it over on downs (after a 1st down at the Denver 7), Cutler fumbled (though it was originally ruled a 2nd INT), and then we finally scored our only TD with 0:29 left. But we failed on the 2-point conversion, as well as Robbie “I’ve Never Converted An Onside Kick” Gould’s feeble attempt at an on-side kick.
Cutler, doing his best Nixon: “I am not a quarterback.”
The Low Down
We were in it the whole game, despite never having a lead, trailing for 57 minutes, and not reaching the endzone until the 59:31 mark. But what really did us in was failing on the 2-point conversion, an inside handoff – almost exactly like our previous play on which we scored. Sure, that would only have tied it, but it would have sent us to OT. And at home, I would’ve liked our chances – especially against a young QB.
#49 Acho complained Osweiler made inappropriate eye contact all day
We somehow gained 350 yards despite playing without our best RB and WR’s. But not a single offensive player had numbers worth mentioning, except for maybe Marquess “My Name Is Either Mis-Spelled, Or Mis-Pronouced ‘MarquEEs’” Wilson, who led us with 4 catches for 102 yards. Oh, and we still haven’t scored a 3rd quarter TD yet this year.
Langford made us forget that we forgot about Forte last week
Defensively, no matter how well we played, the stats almost don’t matter because they were against what is in essence a rookie QB. So any positives were to be expected – and there were only a few of those. Plus, we didn’t capitalize on any of Denver’s mistakes, or take advantage of great field position on several occasions. Oh, and we gave up 170 yards on the ground, including 102 to RB Ronnie “Yeah, I’ve Never Heard of Me Either” Hillman.
Osweiler had so much family at the game, he had to quiet them down
We didn’t get a single turnover, which is completely unacceptable against a young QB. The one thing we did do was sack him 5 times. They didn’t help us much, but they did come from some different names: Adrian “Famous” Amos, Chris “The 2015 Conte” Prosinski, Willie “Get A Sack This Week?” Young, Bruce “I Made The QB Blow A” Gaston, and Eddie “I Got One Of Our Sachs” Goldman.
No, Goldman did not injure himself while celebrating this sack
We didn’t commit a single penalty the entire game, while Denver committed 8 for 118 yards. That’s a pretty big disparity, but you’d never know it by looking at the boxscore – or the scoreboard. We did force them to punt 7 times on 11 drives, but Mini Mariani only had 1 return for 4 yards. He didn’t fumble any, but all that means is now he’s gonna fumble at least twice next week.
Mariani held onto his only catch, bringing the ball to the locker
room to prove it to reporters, but no one asked him about it
The one piece of good news that I learned during the game was that we signed a new kickoff returner about a week ago. Of course Deonte “Beyonce” Thompson hasn’t been on an NFL roster in 2 years, but he did manage 54 yards on 2 returns (which is WAY better than Mariani). Hopefully he’ll pick up our return game – it certainly can’t get any worse.
The bar’s been set so low that Thompson looked like Hester
Doubtlook
Imagine. If we had won this game, it would have been our 5th W in 7 games, and we’d be .500 for the 1st time all season. We’d be in a 3-way tie for “3rd Wild Card Place” at 5-5, and sitting only 1 game behind the last WC team (ATL), who just lost their 3rd in a row. We’d also be only 2 games out of 1st place with both teams that are ahead of us (GB & Minni) on our up-coming schedule. It would’ve been the best situation we could have asked for all season.
Wait, where did this defender’s right fist go?!
But instead, we lost ground to GB, who took over the division lead by beating Minni. And Minni took GB’s spot as the top WC, which is 3 games ahead of us. Meanwhile, both Seattle and Tampa won, moving up a spot on us, and pushing us back to a tie with 4 other teams at 4-6. It’s just SO worst case scenario.
I don’t know about you, but to me it looked like Jay phoned this one in
Here’s the current NFC breakdown:
- 4 Division Leaders: Car (10-0), AZ (8-2), GB (7-3), NYG (5-5)
- 2 Wild Cards: Minni (7-3), ATL (6-4)
- 3rd WC (2-way tie @ 5-5): Sea, Tampa
- 5th WC (5-way tie @ 4-6): Wash, Philly, NO, STL and the Bears
- 10th WC (3-way tie @ 3-7): Dallas, Detroit (sucks!), San Fran
But Jay would have you believe he bent over backwards instead
We’re technically still only 2 games out of the WC, but there’s one less game left to play to make up that ground. And if we lose on Thanksgiving in Green Bay, even if we were to win out, we could only finish 9-7. And right now, literally every team in the NFC has a chance to finish 9-7. So I can’t imagine that’ll get ‘er done.
Eeeew
Quotes of Note
Dan Fouts after Cutler tripped Langford while handing it off, which happened shortly after Osweiler tripped Hillman while handing it off: “It’s been a trippy game.” ~ Awful, Dan. Just awful.
Advantage to sub-freezing temps? Your pre-game beers stay ice-cold.
Jim Miller on finding positives from this game: “The defense made 2 terrific stops at the end of the game to give the Bears the opportunity. 20 (yard line) to 20 (yard line), the Bears were moving it. They went 3 drives consecutive over 70 yards against the top ranked defense.” ~ Yeah, unfortunately Jimbo, they only count points scored.
Like our season, the inflatable Bear deflated just after kick-off
Coach Fox when asked if he felt like this was a good game by your defense: “Well I don’t really feel great about it anytime we lose. I don’t really understand the question.” ~ Boom.
Raise your hand if you think our season is over…
(Hey, only 2 guys raised their hands, and they did it half-assedly!)
Coach Fox when asked if it was different playing Denver (where he used to coach) from a personal standpoint: “Yeah, I mean, there’s more guys to say hi to after the game.” ~ And more guys to congratulate on kicking your ass, coach.
Nuns?! Really, McCaskey’s? I can’t even. On so many levels.
Were no kids with cancer available? Or how about a blogger?!
BEAR DOWN?
#GBWillEndUsThursday
Bear Down Baffa 
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