Bear Down Baffa

Well, they did it.  Just when I officially conceded the season was over, the Bears went out and won again.  A big one.  On Thanksgiving.  In Prime Time.  During a nationally televised game.  Against the 1st place Packers.  At Lambeau Field.  On Brett Fahrvergnügen Night.  With A-A-Ron Rodgers playing.  And Bart Starr in a golf cart.  And Clay Matthews’s golden hair (and his lack of a neck).  And with this upset, we made Rodgers discount double-check himself, we ruined everyone from Wisconsin’s Thanksgiving, and we put ourselves back in the playoff conversation.  And not that I have factual evidence to support it, but I think Rodgers was pissed at all the love GB was showing Favre.  And how appropriate that we won by 4 when they put Favre’s #4 up on the Lambeau facade, and they put his “#1” up on the big screen.

Favre was asked to wear a long coat to avoid a wardrobe malfunction

Recap
This one started slowly.  The first 10 drives for both teams led to just 7 points for GB.  There were a lot of incompletions, a lot of punts, and the Bears went 3-and-out on 4 of their 1st 5 drives.  But then word got down to the players that Favre would be showing his winkie on the Jumbotron at halftime, and things started heating up.  After only 1 score in the first 24 minutes, there were 4 in the final 6 minutes of the half.  And it was all in anticipation of seeing “little Bret” on the big screen.

They rolled out the tarps in anticipation of the unveiling of Favre’s junk

Rodgers started getting mad about all the love they were showing Favre, and his team started to falter.  It started with a fumble, giving us the ball at their 34.  It took us 9 plays to reach the endzone from there, but we managed to tie it up with a TD.  GB responded, but only with a FG.  Deonte “Beyonce” Thompson returned the ensuing kickoff 37 yards to mid-field, and we marched down for another TD.  GB squeaked in another FG, but we maintained a 1-point lead heading into halftime.  And it was a lead we would be more stingy in giving up than Favre is with his dick pics.

Rodgers:  “That god damned Brett Favre is stealing my thunder!”

If the 1st half was like foreplay for Favre’s appearance, the 2nd half was like the post-coital cigarette: slow, quiet and not a lot of scoring.  We traded punts, then we kicked what turned out to be a crucial FG after going 83 yards on 16 plays.  It not only gave us a 4-point lead, but they were the only points scored by either team in the entire 2nd half.

Pack Kicker Crosby: “Wait, is that Favre’s boner on the Jumbotron?!”

We again traded punts, then discount double-check didn’t discount double-check where he was throwing.  With just over 3 minutes left, and GB driving, Rodgers threw a pick right into the chest of Tracy “Harry” Porter.  Rodgers was probably thinking of the time he tweeted that he’d bet a year’s salary that the Brewer’s Ryan Braun didn’t use PED’s.  But what did we do when he basically handed the game over to us?  We 3-and-outed, and punted it right back to them just 27 seconds later.

Rodgers: “Holy shit, is that Favre’s skin flute on the Jumbotron?!”

And then we let them go 72 yards on 9 plays, giving them a 1st-and-goal at our 8 with a minute left.  And with the way things have gone against GB over the past decade, everyone expected GB to score.  Even Ditka.  But our defense stepped it up like Favre’s erection when it sees a camera.  And A-A-Ron threw 4 straight incompletions, turning it over on 4th down on the night they hung Favre’s #4.  And if you saw the pics, you know that his “#1” wasn’t hung.

Rodgers stopped being angry once he realized he ruined Favre Night

The Low Down
Defensively, we basically shut down Rodgers, keeping him out of the endzone save once, and shutting him out in the 2nd half.  We got 2 sacks (Willie “Eventually Sext His Weiner To Favre?” Young and “Kendrick” Lamarr Houston) and 2 turnovers (Chris “Conte” Prosinski forced a fumble and Porter got a pick).  And for the 7th game in a row, we allowed less than 200 yards passing.  But we did commit 12 penalties for 95 yards.  And one of those was on Porter (who’s playing on his 5th NFL team in 5 years), which cost him a 2nd INT on the day.

Prosinski (#31) may not be the Conte we thought he was after all

Offensively, we punted 8 times on 11 drives, which is never a good sign.  But we scored 2 TD’s and kicked a FG on the other 3, and we never turned it over.  We still didn’t score a 3rd quarter TD, but Cutler beat GB for just the 2nd time, and it was the 1st time he didn’t throw a pick against them as a Bear.  And while the QB numbers weren’t that far apart, there was a clear-cut winner in this one.  And it was not Favre’s wenus.

Cutler: “Hey, is that Favre’s man meat on the Jumbotron?!”
Miller: “Don’t look!  Some things can’t be unseen.”

Special Teams were also pretty solid.  Robbie “If You Only Need Pooch Kicks, I’m As Good As” Gould hit a pooch FG from 21 yards that put us up by 4.  And Mini Mariani was so jealous of Deyonce taking over his kick-return duties, that he tried to steal a kickoff from him, and almost cost us a fumble in our own endzone.  But Patrick “Holy Shit, A Punter Was Relevant In This Game – In A Positive Way?!” O’Donnell punted 8 times, averaged over 40 yards, didn’t get any blocked, and put 4 inside the 20.  Not unlike Favre trying to put his 4 inside the 20-year old cheerleader that looks like his wife.

Eeew, is that what white peoples’ wee-wee’s look like?

Outlook
The Bears are actually back in the playoff race, sitting in 5th Wild Card place.  But with only 3 games played this week, I’m not going to break it down other than to say we need some help on Sunday with Seattle and Tampa Bay.

Cutler: “When I sext, I send a limp pic cuz I’m a shower, not a grower.”
Rodgers: “Interesting.  I never thought of that.”

Quotes of Note
Tracy Porter on Favre’s tallywacker: “It was huge.  Coming in, they had the whole celebration with (it), so it kind of felt like we were at their homecoming game, so to speak.” ~ Yes, it was just like homecoming – if the homecoming king sexted a picture of his trouser snake to the entire school.

Coach Fox after learning Obamacare covers bladder control issues

Dan Jiggets: “Homecoming was ruined tonight.  Take your little boutonnieres and go home.” ~ I haven’t heard the word “boutonnieres” since 1965.  And I was born in the 70’s.

BEAR DOWN!

#InItUntilAtLeastSunday

© 2015

This entry was posted on Fri, Nov 27, 2015 at 5:59 pm and is filed under f) 2015 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.