Up until a couple days ago, there was little to be excited about for the 2016-17 Chicago Bears season. Sure, we made a few big defensive acquisitions, but every team has a draft and makes offseason moves. And ours just weren’t enough to rev my Bear Nation engine. That is, until yesterday when the Bears finally cut our worst player, Robbie “Wide Left” Gould. And they did it without another kicker on our roster, which is kind of like putting an “F U” on his pink slip. And if you ask me, it’s not only appropriate, but I think it’s a pretty solid tactic.
Gould will probably miss the Bourbonnais water tower most –
it’s the only thing he could see or hit during training camp
But before you start getting all sappy, remember, this is the Chicago Fucking Bears and the Not For Long league. Let’s not forget how awful “Wide Left” was last year. If we hadn’t had so many other shitty players, he would have single-handedly ruined our season. And compared to his $3M salary, he simply became over-paid for his recent performance. There was no guaranteed money left, and he was in the last year of his deal. And someone decent became available for a third of the price. And his name is Connor “I Think I’m Gonna” Barth.
Your new kicker: Barth Vader, Barth Face or Barth Bag –
we haven’t officially decided which yet
Ironically, the same guy who bragged about being “the highest-paid kicker in the history of the NFL” after his 4-year, $15M extension in 2013 just fell victim to that very contract. So should any of us really be surprised? I mean, this blogger called for “Wide Left” to be cut last year. On a weekly basis. And someone actually made an anti-Gould mask – we can prove it! I’ve included some photos with their original captions to help trigger any forgotten memories of how imminent his departure had become.
Week 14, @ Minn, 12/20/15:
“Someone finally gets me”
Sure, Gould hit a Bear record 33 FG’s last year. But he also missed 6 for the first time since his rookie season – all of which were crucial. 1) Nov. 1: he missed in a game we lost by 3 to Minnesota. 2) Nov. 9: a week later, he missed 2 in a game we squeaked out by 3 points in San Diego. 3) Dec. 6: he again missed twice in an OT loss to San Fran, including 1 while tied at the end of regulation. 4) Dec. 13: the next week, he missed with 1:40 left in a 3-point loss to the Skins. And that doesn’t count missing an XPA in a game we won by only 2 against Oakland on October 4.
1) Week 7, Minn, 11/1/15:
“Gould tried using body language – but it was lost in translation”
That XPA miss was Gould’s third in 3 years, after only missing once ever – back in his rookie season. And he missed 2 XPA’s in game 4 of the pre-season. Just 3 years ago, he was ranked #2 all time in NFL history at 86.3%. A couple years ago, he fell to 5th with an 86.0%. But after going just 82% over the last 2 seasons, he finished his Bear career ranked 9th all time with an 85.4%.
2) Week 8, @ SD, 11/9/15:
“Gould already on the phone with his agent setting up interviews”
Barth Simpson isn’t ranked far behind him – he sits 13th all time at 84.8%. Yes, the 13th best kicker in NFL history was available – and he’s never missed 6 FG’s in a season. He played his rookie season with KC, then went to TB for 4 years, spent part of 2014 with Denver, went back to TB last year, and was just cut by New Orleans. He holds the Bucs record for consecutive FG’s made (25), and in 5 games with the Broncs, he was 15 of 16, and had 5 FG’s in a game twice. And he’ll make less than $1M on a 1-year deal.
3) Week 12, San Fran, 12/6/15:
“Gould trying to quiet the voices in his head after blowing our season”
To his credit – and legacy – Gould played 166 games over 11 seasons. Other than Cutler, he was the last player brought in by GM Jerry “If Anyone Wants To Know, I’m Still Unemployed” Angelo, and he was the last left from the 2006-07 SB team. That season, Gould became the first Bear kicker selected to the Pro Bowl after a league-leading 143 points – 1 short of Kevin Butler’s ’85 team record. Gould set franchise records for career points (1,207), FG’s (276), FG’s from 50 yards (23) and longest FG (58 yards in 2013). But he may well be remembered for making everyone cry on an almost weekly basis in 2016.
4) Week 13, Wash, 12/13/15:
“I’d tell Gould to go fuck himself, but he’d probably miss wide left”
Season Prediction
There’s not really much to be excited about this year. We’re in the second year of a defensive overhaul, so our personnel are just not setup as well as other rosters, and they need time to gel. I think that project needs another year of experience and hole-fillers. And with a new, unproven OC (Cutler’s 7th in 8 years?), you can’t expect much from the offense. As per my practice, I’m going to keep it 100. I was going to say we’d finish 3-13. But since Gould is gone, I’m officially predicting we’ll finish 5-11. I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better. But it will get better. 2017 is going to be our year!
Pic from the Bears Alumni Golf Outing 2016
Quotes of Note
Coach Fox on Barth-elona: “He’s extremely accurate. We had him in Denver, brought him in in a similar situation.” ~ I mean, what else is there really to say about the signing of a kicker?
Now we all know what he’s smiling about
BEAR DOWN!
#2016OneMoreYearToBearIt
© 2016
Bear Down Baffa 
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