Bear Down Baffa

Well, Mike “ESPN 8 – The Ocho” Glennon wasted no time in chunking this one.  It took him less than ocho minutes, and less than ocho plays, to hand GB the lead in the Bears-Packers rivalry for the first time in ocho decades.  The Bears led the series from inception (1921) until 1930, won it back again in 1933, and then dominated for 60 years.  After going on a 30-9 run in the 1940’s and 50’s, our lead peaked at 24 games in 1960, and again in 1992 after Bret Fahrvergnügen lost his series debut.  But since then, GB has gone 38-13.  And as of Thursday night, our run is over.  After a franchise-worst 3-13 season last year, this has to be rock bottom.  And so I have to ask – how much worse could Trubisky really make us?

We’re considering some new nicknames for Ocho: Hot Potato,
Fumble Knees, Janeane Giraffalo, or Giraffe-Face McTurnover

(more…)

I’m shocked.  Not by how awful the Bears played, or that we won in spite of it.  And not because this was our first win in 294 days (and 7 games), or that it came just two years after we went winless for 315 days (and 8 games).  I’m not even shocked that Marcus “Endzones Are Overrated” Cooper “stopped short” of the goal line while returning a blocked punt – or by the subsequent madness.  What I am shocked by is how little joy this win gave me.  And I realized it’s because of our imposter QB.  Like Vanilla Ice stealing that sick Queen baseline, Glennon didn’t just steal this win from Pittsburgh, he stole it from Trubisky.  Is “Ice, Ice, Baby” a good song?  Hell, yes.  But I just can’t see myself rolling in my 5.0 (with my ragtop down so my hair can blow) until Trubisky takes over.  So let’s drop the Ocho and get with the hero!

Being Leon Lett’ed is now known as being Marcus Cooper’ed
(And boy, I bet Lett slept better than he has in a while last night!)

(more…)

If you sat on a jury in a game-fixing case against Mike “ESPN 8 – The Ocho” Glennon, and the only evidence was video of Sunday’s first half, you’d have no choice but to vote guilty.  And to seek the death penalty.  Now, I’m not saying the Ocho is a traitor sent here to sabotage the Bears – that’d be like sending a rat to sink a sinking ship.  But what I am saying is that if Glennon were a saboteur, he would’ve played exactly how he did yesterday.  That’s how bad he was.  It was like he was literally trying to pass the torch to Trubisky, except Tampa kept intercepting it.

Ocho wears 2 jocks cuz he has so much trouble holding onto his balls

(more…)

The new Bears feel a lot like the old ones.  It’s like a recurring nightmare:  our solid defense keeps us in it, and our “eh” offense takes us right out of it.  Trailing 23-17 with 3:18 left, Mike “ESPN 8 – The Ocho” Glennon drove 72 yards to set up a 1st-and-goal at the 6.  But then he threw 3 straight incompletions before getting sacked to end the game where he should’ve been during it – sitting on his ass.  As if almost instinctively, like his predecessors before him, he’s already steered us into last place.  Apparently, the “Win Now” phase has been put on hold until further notice.

Glennon high-fiving Atlanta’s D to congratulate them on the win

(more…)

Well, the rebuild is over, folks.  The Bears made their big move, which finally showed their hand and told a story.  That story:  what you see now is what you’re getting.  And that includes us having no face to go with our franchise.  The most likely mug is Trubisky’s, but it’s all a matter of when he starts.  Since 2000, 23 of the 26 QB’s drafted in the top 10 have started as rookies.  And our boy wasn’t just taken top 10 – the Bears traded 4 picks to move up from 3 to 2, revealing their love for him as awkwardly as a guy climbing out of a public pool with a raging boner.  So all the signs point to Truby Tuesday playing ASAP.  Unfortunately, it won’t be soon enough to win us a Super Bowl this year.

You can already hear the crowds: “Tru-by!  Tru-by!  Tru-by!”

(more…)