Bear Down Baffa

I’m shocked.  Not by how awful the Bears played, or that we won in spite of it.  And not because this was our first win in 294 days (and 7 games), or that it came just two years after we went winless for 315 days (and 8 games).  I’m not even shocked that Marcus “Endzones Are Overrated” Cooper “stopped short” of the goal line while returning a blocked punt – or by the subsequent madness.  What I am shocked by is how little joy this win gave me.  And I realized it’s because of our imposter QB.  Like Vanilla Ice stealing that sick Queen baseline, Glennon didn’t just steal this win from Pittsburgh, he stole it from Trubisky.  Is “Ice, Ice, Baby” a good song?  Hell, yes.  But I just can’t see myself rolling in my 5.0 (with my ragtop down so my hair can blow) until Trubisky takes over.  So let’s drop the Ocho and get with the hero!

Being Leon Lett’ed is now known as being Marcus Cooper’ed
(And boy, I bet Lett slept better than he has in a while last night!)

The Low Down
Sure, it’s a win.  And you’ll always take those.  But between the 10 penalties, the missed FG, the 5 fumbles (though we only lost 1), and throwing for just 84 net yards (on a warm, clear, windless day, mind you) along with an INT (and 74.2 QBR), this one was all but handed to us.  And Glennon is still listed as our starting QB.  Yo Vanilla said it best:  “Anything less than the best is a felony.”  So you’ll have to forgive me for not enthusiastically celebrating this felonious victory.

You think YOU were surprised the Bears won?
How do you think THESE guys felt?!

I did enjoy the return of Kyle “I Hold My Blocks So F-ing” Long, and therefore, our running game.  Jordan “Anyone Seen My Shoulder?” Howard was cooking MC’s like a pound of bacon, gaining 164 yards on 28 touches with 2 TD’s (including the game-winner in OT).  It was uncomfortable to watch him obviously favoring his right shoulder, yet still being sent back onto the field after repeatedly leaving injured – almost as uncomfortable as watching the Ocho being repeatedly sent out there healthy.

This is what Pitt gets for not coming out for the National Anthem

And Howard wasn’t alone.  After throwing twice as often as we ran in our first two games, on Sunday we kept it on the ground twice as much as we passed (38 – 22).  This is what we should be doing based on the math:  solid RB’s + good line + Ocho + 0 WR’s = Run, Forest, Run.  And not only were we successful running (220 yards), we were more efficient (5.8 yards/run – 3.5/pass), and we spread the load.  Our 3 RB’s (Jordan “Ron” Howard, Benny “Richie” Cunningham and Tarik “Ralph Mouth” Cohen) combined for over 90% of our 304 total yards, slicing like ninjas and cutting like razor blades – so fast, that other DJ’s said, “Damn.”

When this Steeler defender thought he heard the Bears
say, “Trubisky’s coming in,” he took 2 knees to protest

This win was also about the defense, which was stellar.  Even Marcus Cooper, Sr. (not to be confused with the other Marcus Cooper, who apparently plays for the Bears and also wears #31).  Altogether, we came up with 2 takeaways and 3 sacks, and we allowed just 17 points – despite our offense twice leaving Pitt in our redzone after turning it over.  That’s the fewest points we’ve allowed since our last win, and this was against a team with 3 Pro Bowl offensive specialists – and that isn’t stuck with an Ocho.

If there’s one thing our D knows how to do, it’s celebrate!

Doubtlook
Somehow, at 1-2, we’re only a game out of first place.  When healthy (as we were on Sunday), we’re almost a winning team.  But we’re still a “starting QB switch” away from being one, so there will be no stopping, collaborating or listening yet.

It had to be Glennon’s mom that brought this to the game

5 Minutes With Greg Gumble – Calling The Cooper Debacle
1:26 pm, from the top:  “6 seconds to play, and here’s (Pitt Kicker) Chris Boswell, 25 straight field goals, he has yet to miss anything this ye…the kick is blocked…the Bears are gonna get a TD out of this!”

1:27, after seeing multiple replays, still not sure what happened:  “He did slow down, did he not?”

1:28, upon piecing it together:  “That is a showboat move that just has no reasonable explanation to it.  None whatsoever!”

1:29, now just piling on:  “That’s just a dumb play.  It’s a dumb.  Thing.  To do!”

1:30, taking it to the Trump-Tweet level:  “And that’s just a bad play…it’s a horrible play!  And Rosie O’Donnell is a pig!”

I mean, how often do you come away with 3 points
when the other team lines up for a FG as time expires?

Quotes of Note
Comcast’s Jim Miller: “That was one of the ugliest games I’ve ever seen of professional football in my life.” ~ And that’s from a guy with a 75.2 career QBR, people, and who’s Bear QBR is worse than Glennon’s!

“Eating Machine” Shaheen scored his 1st TD, but he wasn’t too keen
on Charles “Lead With The Crotch” Leno’s approach to celebrating

Comcast’s Lance Briggs: “Interceptions that were dropped, fumbles that should’ve been lost…the football gods were smiling on the Bears today.” ~ Jesus, I’d hate to see when they’re frowning on us!

I wonder if Ben did this when he was acquitted of rape charges

Comcast’s Alex Brown: “The Bears tried to give this game away, and Pittsburgh just did not want to win it.” ~ Word to ya mutha.

It’s not like they drafted him without intending to play him, right?
Trubisky Menthol – Smoke ’em if you got ’em!

BEAR DOWN?

#DropTheOchoAndGetWithTheHero

#SmokeEmIfYouGotEm

#InCaseYouDontGetTheFirstTwoHashtagsIMeanIWantTrubiskyToPlay

© 2017

This entry was posted on Tue, Sep 26, 2017 at 12:21 am and is filed under d) 2017 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.