Bear Down Baffa

Black Friday must’ve been quite prosperous for whoop-ass canneries in Southeastern Pennsylvania.  The big winners were those that bought in bulk because at halftime, they announced a shortage throughout the region, as the Eagles had poured enough on the Bears to rival the BP oil spill.  What would easily have been the worst loss of the year for most franchises was just a typical Sunday afternoon for the Bears, who’ve now lost 25 of their last 32 (.219).  But while I still believe Coach Fox should pull a “Keyser Soze,” I think it’s best to wait 5 more weeks – after all, we want to lose out, and that old bird is on a roll!

With the NFL’s lax celebration rules, Philly made this
game look like an episode of “Dancing With The Stars”

The Low Down
We ran just 16 plays on 5 first-half possessions, and the only time we didn’t punt was when new kicker Cairo “Not As Wide Right As Barth, Though” Santos missed a FG.  Our 2nd drive was our “best,” and it lasted just 4 plays.  It began with Trubisky throwing a pick, which Philly fumbled back to us on the return (gifting us 10 yards and a new set of downs), and ended with us punting 3 plays later.  Yes, our most productive first-half drive went 17 yards, and 60% of that was on a pass caught by an Eagle.

Santos seems to have picked up (wide) right where Barth left off

But on our 4th drive of the half, we took it up a notch, getting a jump by committing a penalty while returning the kickoff.  And after drawing another flag on our 1st play, we fumbled (and recovered), threw incomplete, took a timeout (even though the clock was stopped), threw incomplete again, and then punted from our endzone.  It was actually rather impressive.  And so we trailed at the half in first downs (16-0), yards (272-33), and points (24-0).  And Philly had turned it over twice!

Trubes to O-line: “You guys have GOT to keep Spacey off of me!”

We finally got a first down on our 1st drive of the second half.  And though it led to our only points, we’re citing it here as an example of what NOT to do.  Despite the help of 3 Philly penalties, we gained just 36 yards, and we STILL managed to squeeze in a penalty, a sack, and another fumble (we recovered again) before finally making an f-ing FG.  The only other relevant detail the rest of the way was that the Eagles pulled Wentz early in the 4th quarter, as there was no whoop-ass left in site.

Did you forget what a real WR looks like?
Yeah, me too.  Sad.

Outlook
Everybody ahead of us in the draft (CLE, SF, NYG) lost, as did the 2 teams tied with us (IND, DEN).  So we’re still in a 3-way tie for the #4 spot.  But we did buy a little security.  The cluster of teams one place behind us shrunk from 9 to just 4.  So even if we don’t lose out (like, if we accidentally win a 4th game), we’re still guaranteed a top-10 spot.  Our most pivotal game remaining is this coming Sunday, when we host SF.  It’s as must-lose as they come if we want to get back into the top 3.

7 teams are tied @ 5-6

Quotes of Note
Fox announcer Kevin Burkhardt:  “The Bears find themselves in a heap of trouble…Boy, this has been a disaster for Chicago so far.” ~ And that was early in the 2nd quarter, folks.

The Longs are so competitive that they measure whose is really
the “longest” whenever they face off – even in a game of checkers

Fox announcer Charles Davis, on the missed FG:  “Kick is up and that’s not even close…Not a great way to start with your new team.” ~ Also not a great way to introduce a kicking-depleted fanbase to their new kicker, Chuckie Cheese.

With the Brazilian Nightmare’s help, the Bears have
missed 17 FG’s in our last 37 games (48 for 65, 74%)

Burkhardt, at the half: “They just need to get out of here and get into the locker room.  They don’t need anything else to go wrong here in the first half.” ~ FYI, this was just before they announced that they’d run out of whoop-ass.

Lincoln Financial Field emptied out at halftime, as
Philly fans ran out to try to replenish the whoop-ass

Davis, post game:  “The Eagles have absolutely dominated Chicago in every way imaginable.” ~ Either this guy has a limited imagination, or he hasn’t been watching Coach Fox over the last 3 seasons.  Maybe both?

You wanna impress me with pre-game festivities at Soldierz?
Lose the flames and the fireworks, and bring in a wild bear!

Comcasts’s Jim Miller:  “The game was over before they even lined up.  The Bears weren’t even competitive from the opening kickoff.” ~ And if you didn’t see that coming, Jimbo, you’d be the only one.

Truby had so much whoop-ass opened on him that he stuck to the
ground whenever he was tackled, and often needed help getting up

Comcasts’s Alex Brown, on firing Fox:  “I’m there.  It’s that time.  It’s time for him to get up outta here.” ~ Just give him 5 more weeks, Alex.  5 more weeks.

Seriously, let’s just ride this bitch straight into the ground!

BEAR DOWN?

#PickedUp(Wide)RightWhereBarthLeftOff
#TheLongestLong
#5MoreWeeksOfFox
#SoMuchWhoopAssOpenedOnHimThatHeStuckToTheGround
#LocalWhoopAssCanneryUnionOfSoutheasternPennsylvania

© 2017

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