Bear Down Baffa

Last year, accidentally beating the 49ers cost the Bears a draft spot.  And that spot cost us 3 selections, as we traded them up to draft Mitch “13 College Starts” Trubisky.  But with SF leading us in the draft pool again this year, the Bears got a chance to exact their revenge.  Whether it’s because SF now has Jimmy “2 Draft Picks Cheaper Than Truby” Garoppolo, or just because we royally suck, we were able to execute our PFTD (Playing For The Draft) plan, and snatch defeat at home.  The best part?  The Bears are so inept across so many functions that nobody can even suspect us of tanking.  Top-5 pick, here we come!

Garoppolo already has as many wins at Soldierz as the Trubes

The Low Down
Leave it to Robbie Gould to continue finding ways to hurt the Bears.  Now just a year removed from when his NY Giants beat us, Gould went 5 for 5 on Sunday, single-handedly outscoring us 15-14.  That bitch is now 95% since we cut him, a full 10 points higher than his time with the Bears.  If we were actually trying to win this one, it would’ve stung like the dickens.  But since we weren’t, it was actually kind of funny watching Gould pretend he’s got a penis.

Gould, flexing his itty-bitty Kegel muscles at the Bear’s bench.
Isn’t that just the cutest little thing you’ve seen all season?

The bottom line is that we stink.  We stink like Steve-O after a Poo Cocktail Supreme.  So does SF, but they’ve now got a QB that can actually throw a football, so we’re worse than even them.  Truby Tuesday keeps taking steps backwards, Fox continues to be aloof, and our defense is erratic – and that last part was meant as a compliment.  It’s almost as bad as Trestman’s reign.  In other words, everything is going perfectly to plan for the 2018 Draft!

What is more surprising – Truby’s 117 QBR, or this moron
actually getting the letters “NFL” tattooed on his forearm?

Outlook
Other than SF, every team with us in the “bottom 6” lost.  So even though we didn’t lose any ground, the only team we gained on was the 9ers themselves.  But now that they have Garopollo, they’re likely to continue winning.  So while we remain stuck in a tie with INDY and DEN for the #4 spot, and the #1 becomes CLE’s to lose, our chances of drafting in the top 5 just went up a notch.  Now, if we can only lose our final 4…

Even if we unwittingly win 2 more, we can still pick as high as #8

Quotes of Note
Trubisky:  “We’re not just doing this for nothing, we’re doing it for a purpose.” ~ Sounds like el Truberino only got 13 starts in English class as well.

These 2 teams have combined for just 10 wins over 2 seasons,
and 2 of those wins came from beating each other!

Robbie Gould:  “Really?  Do you even care what a fucking kicker has to say?  No, I’m not going to quote him.  He’s an over-paid soccer player who wears a cup even though he’s got nothing there to protect.” ~ FYI…that’s me scolding you in case you thought I’d actually quote that penis-less sprite.

Mark “Dirty Butt Fumble” Sanchez getting
a little dirty-handed Slap-Ass in on Gould

Coach Fox, on what he’d say to fans:  “It was hard to even talk to the team after this loss…the guys’ mindsets are good, they’re working at it…I wish I had something better to tell the fans.” ~ Well, you could pull a Nixon: write a letter saying, “I hereby resign the Office of Head Coach of the Chicago Bears,” get on a helicopter, flash a double peace sign, and fly away forever.  Or you could do like a wild geriatric animal: just crawl away from the herd and die in a field somewhere.  I think fans could get on-board with something like either of those, Coach.

Knowing his severance bonus will be based on PFTD performance,
Coach Fox winces after the Bears mistakenly take an early lead

BEAR DOWN?

Worn-out quips aside, these 2 need to get their PFTD on!

#GetYourPFTDOn
#RobbieGouldDoesKegelExercises
#DirtyButtFumbleSanchezPlaysDirtyHandedSlapAssWithGould
#JustCrawlAwayFromTheHerdAndDieInAFieldSomewhere
#StopTheBearTrainIWantToGetOff

© 2017

This entry was posted on Tue, Dec 5, 2017 at 12:16 am and is filed under d) 2017 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.