Bear Down Baffa

Did I miss something?  Did we go back in time this weekend?  Tiger Woods won a golf tournament, Anita Hill is trending during a SCOTUS nomination, and the Bears are alone in 1st place.  Next you’ll tell me the president is white again!  And not only did the Bears just win 2 games in 6 days after going winless for 9½ months, but they came back from being down 14 in the 1st quarter for the first time since the “They are who we thought they were!” game in ’06!  After the way this season is playing out, it wouldn’t have surprised me if Urlacher had run out on the field, laid someone out, and took off his helmet to reveal a Brian Bosworth Mohawk!

Who needs Urlacher when you got “The Captain And” Khalil Mack?

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But that defense, though, right?!  After Monday night’s game, it’s clear that the Bears have become the Seahawks of 5 years ago.  They had a cheap QB, a fledgling short-game offense, and a menacing defense that ran as deep as Paul Manafort’s dirty bank accounts.  But after funneling all their cash to Russell Wilson (4 years – $88M), Seattle couldn’t afford to keep that D under wraps.  So now they’re like we were with Cutler at the end – too much coin to one guy who’s not delivering up to his pay grade.  And the Bears are where the Seahawks were in 2012 – about to reach 5 straight playoffs.  And though this was our first win since X-mas Eve, barring a pardon, it looks like Manafort could be watching the Bears win multiple Supa Bows from the slammer.

Khalil “Cuz I’m The Miggida Miggida Miggida Miggida Mack Daddy,
The Miggida Miggida Miggida Miggida” Mack

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So much for the spending spree this off-season.  I don’t think anyone on the planet would’ve predicted the Bears would head up to Lambeau, knock A-A-Ron out early, take a 17-point lead into the 4th, and then blow it after Rodgers returned, and lose by a point.  If you’d have run a million computer simulations, none would’ve come out like this.  I don’t think Bear fans would’ve minded if we came back late but came up just short.  But to lose like this – it doesn’t even make sense.  I mean, how were the Packers down 20 points to the Bears?!

Kyle “My Drawer Of Burned Jockstraps Has Never Been” Fuller –
who just signed an extension for 4 years and $56M

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I can’t lie; my Bear’s erection is more robust today than it’s been since 2009 – the last time we traded 2 first-rounders for a star in his prime.  But the latter star is a superstar, a leader with a positive attitude – the exact opposite of the former (Kristin “Very” Cavallari’s husband).  And I’m so excited, I want to run down to Soldierz and “pull a Louis CK” at mid-field!  After trading for “The Captain And” Khalil Mack, the rebuild is now complete.  Sure, it took 5 years (and 53 losses), but we’ve finally got everything we need.  And after emptying our coffers, and trading away our draft future, what we’ve got now is all we’re gonna get.  But it’s enough to make a run at the Lombardi.  And I don’t mean sometime soon – I mean NOW!

Elvis has entered the building

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