So much for the spending spree this off-season. I don’t think anyone on the planet would’ve predicted the Bears would head up to Lambeau, knock A-A-Ron out early, take a 17-point lead into the 4th, and then blow it after Rodgers returned, and lose by a point. If you’d have run a million computer simulations, none would’ve come out like this. I don’t think Bear fans would’ve minded if we came back late but came up just short. But to lose like this – it doesn’t even make sense. I mean, how were the Packers down 20 points to the Bears?!
Kyle “My Drawer Of Burned Jockstraps Has Never Been” Fuller –
who just signed an extension for 4 years and $56M
The Low Down
We had them right where we wanted them, taking an early lead by scoring on our first 2 drives. GB, meanwhile, punted on their first 4 drives, then turned it over twice – the second of which was our third score on a “Captain And” Khalil Mack Pick-6. We took a 17-0 lead into halftime as Rodgers was carted off, and we led 20-0 early in third. In all, we had the lead for 50 minutes. But with 2:13 left, Rodgers completed his 3rd TD pass of the 4th quarter and took the lead for the first – and final – time.
Jesus H., did the Raiders just give us a 27-year-old
Lawrence Taylor for two measly 1st round picks?
OK, so maybe we jumped the gun a little bit on our season leading to the promised land. Or the playoffs. Or even back to .500. As it turns out, our weakest link isn’t our kicker, it’s our QB. The Troubador got sacked 4 times, lost a fumble, and finished with a QBR of just 77.2. But Cody “Worth Every Penny” Parkey was 3-3 on FGs, and 2-2 on XPTs. Not only is that bitch actually our star, but he’s been perfect so far.
There’s one guy happier than Parkey in this picture –
can you find him?
Doubtlook
Sure, we’ve got a new look offense. We came out in the T-Formation (a 3 RB set) on our first play. We lined a lineman up as a flanker – multiple times. Hell, we even went for it on 4th-and-4 at the GB 37 (we didn’t make it, but we took a shot!). But half our yardage came on our first 2 drives, and offensively, we only scored 1 TD. We didn’t think we needed to play our starters in the pre-season? I understand if we wanted to keep our new scheme a secret, but it appears that we kept it so secret, even we haven’t figured it out yet. We clearly could’ve used more reps.
Boy, Truby really pulled a Cleveland Steamer in the 4th quarter
Even though it’s completely their fault because they gassed out late, I just don’t think you can blame the defense. Khalil and Roquan “The Proton” Smith cannot win games for us by themselves. And with the recent extension given to Eddie “Sachs” Goldman (4 @ $42M), that brings the Bear’s total off-season spend on new contracts to over $470M. So there’s really no excuse not to win NOW. Especially with a 20-point lead. I give them one more week, and then I start calling for coaches to be fired.
Leonard “Clubba Lang” Floyd is also on our shitlist
Quotes of Note
Chris Collinsworth, after our first drive (a TD): “I’m just gonna say ‘Wow!’ That was a wow drive…man, did that look good!” ~ It took you 10 words to say wow? Why not just say wow?
Down goes Fraziuh!
Collinsworth, at halftime: “I thought Khalil Mack would have an impact on this game…but I didn’t think he’d have THIS impact on this game. ~ Astonished by his own lack of knowledge. I must say, “Wow!”
Carted off – just to add to the drama queen’s drama
Al Michaels: “100 years of GB Packer football, this was the largest 4th quarter deficit they’ve ever overcome. 17 points in the fourth. Stunning. Just stunning.” ~ And Al believes in miracles, people!
Clay has been quoted as saying he always wanted to be a priest
Matt “Not Up In Here!” Nagy, on Trubisky: “One thing this team won’t do is point fingers that the offense didn’t do well…it’s not gonna happen. Not here.” ~ He then nodded his head in Truby Tuesday’s general direction.
ILB Nick “How Racist Am I?” Kwiatkoski is so racist, he’ll tackle
any black player he can get his hands on – even his teammates
BEAR DOWN?
#JustSayWow
#HowRacistIsKwiatkoski
© 2018
Bear Down Baffa 
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