But that defense, though, right?! After Monday night’s game, it’s clear that the Bears have become the Seahawks of 5 years ago. They had a cheap QB, a fledgling short-game offense, and a menacing defense that ran as deep as Paul Manafort’s dirty bank accounts. But after funneling all their cash to Russell Wilson (4 years – $88M), Seattle couldn’t afford to keep that D under wraps. So now they’re like we were with Cutler at the end – too much coin to one guy who’s not delivering up to his pay grade. And the Bears are where the Seahawks were in 2012 – about to reach 5 straight playoffs. And though this was our first win since X-mas Eve, barring a pardon, it looks like Manafort could be watching the Bears win multiple Supa Bows from the slammer.
Khalil “Cuz I’m The Miggida Miggida Miggida Miggida Mack Daddy,
The Miggida Miggida Miggida Miggida” Mack
The Low Down
The team stats were almost identical. The Bears ran 63 plays to Seattle’s 64, and gained 271 yards to the Seahawks’ 276. We had 5 punts and 7 penalties, they had 7 punts and 5 penalties. But we got 6 sacks – 5 in the first half alone – and had Wilson calling for Tom Hanks. Danny “Khalil Makes Everyone Around Him Better” Trevathan led us with 8 tackles, 2 sacks and a forced fumble. You’re gonna have to rock a pretty big night to win stats of the week on our D this year.
All this talk of sacks, balls, and reach-arounds…
YOU try writing about this stuff without mentioning Dick Butkus!
We scored on our first drive, just like last week. But this time, we kept our foot on the gas. We maintained at least a 7-point lead until the 4th quarter – when we took a 14-point lead and held that til the virtual end. The Seahawks punted on their first 5 drives, kicked a FG, punted twice, scored a TD, turned it over twice, and then scored another TD with 0:14 left. We held them to 80 yards in the first half, and 5 of their 7 punts were 3-and-outs. Seattle was to this game what Obama was to Hawaii: never in it.
Part of the defense, big and bold.
And black.
As for the Troubador, well, we won! His night could most aptly be summarized as “memorable only in that it was forgettable.” He completed 73.5% of his passes – 79% if you count the 2 that the Seahawks caught, and 82% if you count the 1 they dropped. But despite the 2 INTs, he passed for a respectable 200 yards, ran for 24, and threw 2 TD’s. His QBR was a nice, Orton-esque 83. I mean, that’s pretty solid for his second game in a crazy new scheme, ain’t it?
With guys THIS open – and THIS close – Truby should be 100%
Sure, turnovers aren’t a good thing. But you can afford them when your D gets 2 takeaways of its own. And when they score, as we did again when Prince “Charles Could’ve Pick-Sixed That Shit” Amukamara got his 1st career Pick-6, and his first INT in over 3 years. It almost makes up for our secondary collapsing in Green Bay last week. Almost. Let’s just hope our other d-backs were watching and not too busy counting up all the charges against Manafort.
Prince “Karma Karma Karma Karma” Amukamara –
he comes and goes, he comes and goes!
And of all the guys the Fake News is covering, no one seems to be talking about Cody “Mr. Perfect” Parkey, who remains perfect this season. Has anyone seen this guy’s birth certificate? Who vetted him? Because he’s gone 4/4 on FGs and 5/5 on XPTs! Though he better with a salary of almost $4M a year. Don’t look now, but he’s already scored 17 total points, which puts him on pace for 136. That’s just 8 short of Butthead’s team record in ’85. And we all remember what happened that year, don’t we?
This guy (Parkey) plays professional football, and Urlacher doesn’t
Outlook
OK, so maybe the offense isn’t who we thought they were. And neither is the Trubes – at least not yet. But will everyone just let up with the “Trubisky sucks” crap already? There’s only like a dozen guys on the planet who can play QB in the NFL. Just be happy that our guy hasn’t pulled a hammy, held out for a bigger contract, or plead guilty in Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation. And hey, our D can carry us every week now. Because they’re all that AND a bag of indictments for obstruction of justice!
This is who we’d be if we still had the over-paid Cutler
Quotes of Note
Matt “I Hope His Wife’s Name Isn’t Maggie” Nagy, on his first win: “I want to really just thank the fans…every time our defense got out there, just to hear how loud it got. It’s that 12th man…we appreciate all their support tonight. They helped us out a lot.” ~ And the $470M the Bears spent in new contracts. And the 2 first-round picks we traded away for Mack. But mostly, he wants to thank the fans.
Seriously, the Raiders can have another 1st-rounder if they want!
Nagy, on el Truberino’s “shaky start” – and not letting facts affect his opinions: “I don’t care at all about what happened. I’ll never care. I don’t care if he threw 4 picks in the first half. I’m not gonna change (my mind).” ~ Wouldn’t this guy make a perfect addition to Trump’s cabinet?
Kissin’ Coaches
BEAR DOWN!
Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!
Wait, so now Nike is asking players to kneel after every TD?!
#Kissin’Coaches
#Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks!
© 2018
Bear Down Baffa 
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