That’s one small step for the Bears, one giant leap for Trubisky. After all the chatter about our D carrying him, and the Monday Morning QBs saying he sucks, the Troubador finally clapped back. With a McKayla Maroney face, he flashed double birds, and made everyone “STFU” by throwing SIX TD passes. And he did it all in the first 34½ minutes. He was aggressive, defiant, and relentless. At one point, he even broke down in tears of hatred. But he was unapologetic as he treated the TB defense like a Senate Committee interviewing him for a Supreme Court seat that he felt entitled to. And like Brett Kavanaugh’s shot at a vote last week, the Trubes came up 1 shy of the NFL record. But like Kavanaugh, he’s gonna get another shot in a week.
First Bear QB with 6 TD passes in a game since 1949
The Low Down
Following the good judge’s lead, Truby Tuesday came out guns a’ blazing. He threw 5 TDs in the 1st half alone, when we gained 400 yards, got 21 first downs, and scored 38 points. In the end, we averaged over 8 yards/play, and scored on 8 of our 10 possessions, including 7 of our first 8. We punted just twice, never turned it over, and we were so stingy with the ball that Ms. Lindsay Graham called it the worst thing she’d ever seen. We were up 14-0 in the 1st quarter, 35-3 at the half, 45-3 in the 3rd, and capped it off at 48-10. It was a more explosive offensive performance than the ’86 Supa Bow – which is where we’re headed, btw.
I nominate Truby for the open Supreme Court seat.
Can I get a second?
When’s the last time a Bears’ head coach had to answer for scoring so much? And I don’t mean on special teams or defense. I’m talking about the O scoring so often that reporters didn’t believe what they just saw, and our coach had to repeatedly break down how it actually happened. Poor Matt “Can Someone Please Ask Me About Mack?” Nagy spent more time at the podium on Sunday than Christine Blasey Ford did all last week. And the only person looking smarter than the Nags today is GM Ryan “Reynolds Isn’t As Hot As Me Right Now” Pace.
Pace at the Bears’ board meeting on Monday morning
And not only was “Lt. Pete” Mitchell our top gun, he also led us in rushing, with 53 yards on 3 carries. He accounted for 397 of our 483 net yards, which is 82% – that’s like taking down 4 out of every 5 bogies, people. And he was efficient AF. In the 1st half, he was 14/18 (77.8%) for 289 yards (16.1/attempt), 5 TDs, and a 158.3 QBR – which is the highest you can score. He finished 19/26 (73.1%) for 354 yards (13.6/att), 6 TDs, 0 turnovers, and a 154.6 QBR – which is double his 77.6 career QBR. For the record, he threw just 7 TDs in 12 games combined last year.
It’s gotta be the new sleeve on his throwing arm, yo!
A lot of the pre-game commentary seemed to focus on TB’s Ryan Fitzpatrick, who had thrown for 400 yards in 3 straight games, and boasted a 124.8 QBR. But he was the 3rd best QB in this game. Along with 3 punts, he threw a pick, was sacked twice, and got yanked at halftime with a 49.8 QBR. His only points came when Tampa settled for a FG after having a 1st down at our 17. It was his worst game in 10 starts, and we were in a prevent for most of his stint.
Unlike racist Kwiatkoski, Mack gets after QBs
both black and white with the same fervor
For the 3rd time this year, the Bears faced 2 QBs. To start the 2nd half, the Bucs brought in a rusty Jameis Winston, who was returning from suspension. He had beaten the Bears the last 2 times he faced us. But it didn’t make a difference. On 4 drives, Winston was sacked twice, punted once, and while he threw their only TD in the 4th, we picked him off twice, earning him a 74.0 QBR. Combined, the ebony and ivory duo was 25/38 (65.7%) for 271 yards (7.1/att), and a 62.5 QBR. It was a bi-racial butt-whoopin.
See?
Although it does look like Mack is letting “the man” block him.
Our D was its usual, dominant self. While we didn’t score, we did allow a season-low 10 points despite playing half the game without Akiem “I Saw, I Got Kicked Out” Hicks, as he got kicked out for shoving a ref late in the 2nd quarter. And in addition to our 4 sacks and 3 picks, the “Captain And” Khalil Mack set an NFL record by getting a sack and a forced fumble in his 4th straight game. It’s scary to think, but this defense is actually getting better.
Hicks, who initially was upset about his ejection, quickly changed
his tune upon learning there were free MAGA hats in the locker room
Cody “Solid Gould” Parkey was perfect again (2/2 on FGs, 6/6 on XPTs), finishing with a season-high 12 points. Think about that – he kicked the ball through the uprights 8 times on 8 tries on Sunday. He also had to kick it off 9 times. Anyway, that gives him 39 points, which is not only 4th most in the NFL, but it puts him on pace for 156 – which is not only a point per game higher than Butthead’s team record, but just 10 points short of the NFL scoring record for kickers. Still, whenever I see Parkey now, I think of Kavanaugh’s buddy “Squi.”
Parkey was also 8 for 8 in the hand-squeezing stare-down contest
he has with holder Pat “I Let Him Win” O’Donnell after every kick
Outlook
It isn’t ironic that this happened in the Biscuit’s 16th game. It takes a full season for the game to slow down for most QBs. And this was his 4th game in this new complex system, and with these receivers, who he didn’t play with at all during the pre-season. They’re still just getting comfortable. And they’re going to be practicing against our D all season. If he can survive that each week, it’s only going to make him better. And if our D is still getting better, and el Truberino is still getting better, who’s gonna stop us?
This guy does more before each snap than you do all day
Quotes of Note
Announcer: “The most impressive offensive first half by a Chicago Bears team arguably in the history of this franchise.” ~ I’m never ever ever one for hyperbole, but that is by far the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard, or that I’m ever going to hear, about the Bears’ offense.
These mofo’s are levitating, holmes!
TB head coach, Dirk Koetter: “That was horrific. We were horrific in all aspects of football today. All aspects.” ~ He’s also not a fan of hyperbole, I’m guessing.
Looks like they took our advice and added some color to the offense.
It’s not racist if it’s true.
Koetter, when asked about making a change at defensive coordinator: “Based on that game today, we couldn’t make enough changes. We should fire every person that was on that field today, starting with me.” ~ Woah, I stand corrected. And that sounds like a job for Trump!
Parkey can’t hide how much he looks forward to his post-kick hugs
BEAR DOWN!
Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!
#That’sOneSmallStepForTheBearsOneGiantLeapForTrubisky
#BrokeDownInTearsOfHatred
#HicksHittinTheSticks
#TrubiskyForSCOTUS
#Mmmm…Truby’sNewSleeve
© 2018
Bear Down Baffa 
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