The Bears won a real yawner on Sunday in a roller rink up in Minnesota. It was a slow, bland, conservative game. Kind of like the early-bird special at an old folks’ home. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that we won. But It was almost like we weren’t even trying. With nothing on the line, and the Bears heading to the playoffs, it was like a pre-season game. Let’s call it a pre-post-season game. And since we haven’t been to the playoffs in 8 years, it feels weird to win a throw-away game on the road with little effort, and be unmoved as a fan. But that’s what we’ve all been waiting for, right? To win so much that we get tired of it? Well, it’s finally here. And we have one person to thank for it. #TrumpMadeAmericaGreatAgain!
See, most of the Bears are bored, and we just scored!
The Low Down
Minnesota was barely able to move the ball, netting just 2 yards on their 1st 4 drives, 3-and-outing each time. Then they punted again, but after finally getting a 1st down near the end of the half. Then they kicked a FG on their last drive of the 1st half, but only after backup DB Deon “The Pee-on” Bush committed a 15-yard penalty right after the Vikes reached Bear territory for the 1st time. MIN’s only good quarter was the 3rd, when they gained 82 yards on their lone drive. It was the only time they reached the endzone all day, and it was aided by 2 more Bear penalties. They turned it over on downs on their last 3 possessions, which means they were getting an extra play each drive, and we were still stopping them.
You can also pick up toiletries and motor oil at the mall in Minnesota
Offensively, we scored TDs on our 1st and 4th drives, taking a 14-3 lead into the half. We passed what would be MIN’s total net yards for the day on that 4th drive, just halfway through the 2nd quarter. And we wound up doubling them in yardage (332 – 164). Not bad for not even really trying that hard. The Bears ran for more yards (169) than we passed for (163), which has to be a first for us. Jordan “Van Der Sloot” Howard ran for over 109 yards (on 21 carries), topping triple digits for the 2nd time in 4 games. He also had 2 rushing TDs. I guess it wasn’t a boring game for him.
We’re gonna have to be able to run if we want to win the SB
Truby Tuesday had a mediocre day. But considering we weren’t trying, he was fairly effective. He finished a humdrum 18/26 (69.2%) for 163 yards, 0 TDs, 0 INTs, and an 85.9 QBR. But Kirk “Kissin” Cousins was an even worse 20/33 (60.6%) for 132 yards, 1 TD, 0 INTs, and a 79.4 QBR. Cousins had 2 of his 3 worst QBRs of the year against the Bears (76.5 in week 10), both 15 points below his career average, and 20 under his average this season. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: “In the NFL, you don’t have to be great – you just can’t suck as bad as the other guy.”
The Trubes: “Woohoo! I didn’t suck as bad as the other guy!”
We also scored on our 7th and 8th possessions, even letting Cody “Squi” Parkey try a FG on the latter, which he made from 42 yards. He did miss a PAT, but the snap was high, so it wasn’t completely his fault. And we covered for him by converting a 2-pointer in the 4th quarter. Since he hit the 4 goal posts 7 games ago, he’s 10/12 (83%) on FGs and 12/13 (92%) on PATs, for a combined 22/25 (88%). Not great. But most importantly, his misses haven’t been a factor since game #5. Here’s to hoping we only need him for PATs in the playoffs!
Squi: “You know what it’s like, you hit 4 goal posts,
and your mom is the only one that’ll still talk to you…”
Outlook
So we get the #3 seed after winning our division by 3 1/2 games, and finish in a 3-way tie for the 3rd best NFL record at 12-4. We don’t get a bye, which 99 times out of 100 would be a bad thing. But I think it’s actually a good thing this year. Remember, 2 of our 4 losses came after our two 10-day layoffs. Our other 2 losses came week 1, when we hadn’t built any rhythm yet, and in the 2nd game after our bye. So not only have we played our worst when we’ve had time off, but we’ve only been bad during those times. So screw the bye.
Trubisky’s 2018: 24 TDs, 12 INTs, 95.4 QBR.
Cutler’s best QBR? 2015: 92.3.
And Jay never had twice as many TDs as INTs. Ever.
After starting off 3-3, we did just about all we could since, finishing the year on a 9-1 run, with our only loss coming via backup QB Daniel “Wild Goose” Chase. That means the Bears have only lost ONE game in the last SEVENTY days. We predicted the Bears would go 10-6, making our staff 2 games off for the 3rd year in a row. But this year, we were 2 games UNDER. So the Bears are better than even WE predicted! The only other reader who guessed more than 9 Ws this year wasn’t P.J., or Timmy, or even Tobin. It was my mom, who also predicted 10-6. I don’t know if that says more about my mom or our readership. Or the Bears!
Only 2 of these guys played for the Bears in 2015
So, next week we host the #6 Eagles (9-7) on Sun, Jan 6 @ 3:40 CST (and they may be playing a 3rd-string QB!). And if we beat PHI, we’d travel to the #2 Rams (13-3) on Sat, Jan 12 @ 7:15 pm CST because the #1 Saints (13-3) host the lowest remaining seed in round 2, which would be either the #4 Cowboys (10-6) or the #5 Seahawks (10-6). If we beat LAR, we play for the NFC Championship on Sun Jan 20 @ 2:05 CST, either traveling to NO, or hosting whoever beat them in round 2 (DAL or SEA). If we win that, then we’d be forced to take a week off before heading to the Supa Bowl in Atlanta on Sun Feb 3 @ 5:30 pm CST.
The Lombardi Trophy
(though we all know it should be called the Ditka!)
But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s remember that this year is supposed to be our transition from perennial loser to being a winning team who reaches the playoffs, and then loses because we lack post season experience. NEXT year and the year AFTER are the 2 seasons we’re “supposed to” win. Everybody who’s important on our roster is under team control for at least the next 2 years. The ’85 Bears started virtually the same roster in ’84, when they got crushed in the 2nd round of the playoffs. Then they came back pissed off the next year, and cut a rap record on their way to being the greatest sports team in history. So keep that in mind if PHI blows our doors next week.
1 year prior, these guys were crying in their beer in January
Quotes of Note
el Truberino, standing firm on his position that the word “especially” has an X: “When you get into 3rd down, that’s the money down. You gotta convert, eXpecially against a defense who’s really good on 3rd down.” ~ I heard 2 expeciallys from him this week, and I think he also tried put an X in tremendoux.
Truby: “She doesn’t move her arms when she walks. Like this.”
Nagy, apparently getting the same intel as Mitchell on MIN’s 3rd down capabilities: “For us (to be 8 of 13) on 3rd down, against a team that’s amazing on 3rd down. To have the percentage we did (61.5%), that’s what we wanted to do going into this thing.” ~ Really, THAT’S what you wanted to do? You didn’t want to score more points than them, Coach?!
Nagy: “Nope, screw scoring points. Let’s just convert 3rd downs.”
Jim Miller, on The Troubador: “You are seeing a QB grow up before your very eyes. Not trying to do it with his legs, he’s now beating people from within the pocket. And that’s a good defense that he did it to today.” ~ I’m shocked he failed to mention that the Vikings are really good on 3rd downs.
The Biscuit: “OK, it’s 3rd down. Gotta convert this one.”
Fox’s Shea Peppler, asking a question of Kyle “We Play My Brother Next Week” Long: “When you get out there and you give Jordan Howard a big hole, he takes off, it turns into a TD. How did that feel?” ~ Not to be sexist, but could she sound any more like a woman asking a question about a sport she’s never played?
I mean, that’s ONE way to hide your bald spot!
BEAR DOWN!
Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!
#ScrewTheBye
#SomeonePleaseTellTrubiskyTheresNoXInEspecially
© 2018
Bear Down Baffa 
Tue, Jan 1, 2019 at 3:16 pm |
Thx for the back-door compliment? Or was it? GO BEARS!!
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Tue, Jan 1, 2019 at 7:56 pm |
Dear staff,
I read your your post weekly and although I agree the game seemed bland and I hope Parkey doesn’t have to attempt ANY field goals in the playoffs, don’t think this was a throw away game for the Bears. They did not want to let a division team in the playoff mix when they had a chance to knock them out (see 2010). This was a HUGE win and was designed to seem bland.
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