Bear Down Baffa

Back in the saddle, baby!  The Bears are on fire after winning their 3rd straight.  And this week we did it with depth.  Missing 6 (yes, SIX!) starters, we came away with 6 sacks and 2 takeaways, holding Minnesota to just 6 points, as our backup QB led the offense to 16.  And to top it all off, everyone else in our division lost, moving us from the cellar to a tie for 1st place with GB at 3-1.  As I’m sure Trump can attest, 4 days – and an appearance by Chase “Stormy” Daniel – can really change your perspective on things!

Chase was greeted more warmly by the
Vikes’ defense than he was by Bear fans

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Now THAT’S who I THOUGHT we were!  5 takeaways, 4 sacks, and a defensive TD – that’s what I expected this year (but every week).  It took the Bears 3 weeks, but once it broke open, the turnovers came in droves.  We scored early, and often, running out to a 28-0 lead before halftime.  The Troubador threw 3 TDs in the 2nd quarter, all caught by Taylor “Swift Is Hotter Than Peter” Gabriel (who also caught 3 non-TDs).  It was a laugher!  The Skins turned it over more than a short-order cook who moonlights as a blackjack dealer – and they didn’t even ask for dirt on their political opponents for it.  Those idiots!  And the Bears blindly accepted it, like the American people and a whistleblower’s testimony.  No, the Impeachment Inquiry wasn’t the only farce in Washington this week.  #Free Trump!

Before you crown Gabriel king, those 3 TDs are more than he had
all last year.  Also, the crown would be way too big for his tiny head.

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Wow!  The Bears pulled off one of the biggest heart-attack wins in team history in Denver on Sunday.  And in doing so, they saved our season!  You can’t start off 0-2 and win a Super Bowl, people.  And not only did this game come down to the last play, it was the Bears coming back after giving up the lead with just 31 seconds left.  And it was Eddy “You Can Spell Your Last Name However The Fuck You Want To Now” Pineiro who won it for us!  And then Pineiro said Jesus is real, and that everybody better believe in Him.  He went from zero-to-hero-and-back-again so quickly that even Jesus said, “Jesus Christ, that bitch needs to shut his mouth!  He’s making Tim Tebow look cool!”

Eddy “Money” Pineiro just got himself 2 tickets to paradise!

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Ow.  If this game was on a Sunday, I’d have called in sick on Monday.  I needed a few days to regroup and recupe after witnessing that slow, trudging, painful death Thursday night.  Like a bullfight, everyone groaned at least once as the Bears slowly bled out, frothing confusedly, and sporadically flailing just to maintain some kind of posture.  And then came the matador’s sword, which was acquired just a few months ago for $36M – and from our back yard.  Former-Bear Adrian “How You Like Me NOW?!” Amos (the very player I called out last week for lacking “ball skills,” and who’s departure I said would lead to more turnovers – for US) picked off the Troubadour in the end zone to seal it.  Oh, the irony.  It smarts like getting hit over the head with a lock-in-a-sock.  And for some reason, I simply can’t shake the feeling that our season just got “Whitey Bulgered.”

Things are certainly not looking up for Chicago this week

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It’s been exactly 8 months since the Bears were about to win a playoff game.  And if it wasn’t for “Squi,” we might still be celebrating a Supa Bow victory.  But instead, our squad is pissed, and ready to take someone’s head off as soon as a whistle blows.  And with the talent (FINALLY), a scheme to which it’s perfectly suited, and a chip the size of Denali on their shoulders, there is nothing to stop the Bears from winning SB54.  Yup, this is the year we’ve been waiting for, folks.  Since Cutler rode that bike on the sidelines as we lost the NFC championship 8 LONG years ago.  And this isn’t just some “homer” talking.  I’ve been writing this blog for 18 years, and I always start the year thinking we’re gonna bring home the Lombardi.  But this year, I actually mean it!

Yeah, I didn’t go either

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