Ow. If this game was on a Sunday, I’d have called in sick on Monday. I needed a few days to regroup and recupe after witnessing that slow, trudging, painful death Thursday night. Like a bullfight, everyone groaned at least once as the Bears slowly bled out, frothing confusedly, and sporadically flailing just to maintain some kind of posture. And then came the matador’s sword, which was acquired just a few months ago for $36M – and from our back yard. Former-Bear Adrian “How You Like Me NOW?!” Amos (the very player I called out last week for lacking “ball skills,” and who’s departure I said would lead to more turnovers – for US) picked off the Troubadour in the end zone to seal it. Oh, the irony. It smarts like getting hit over the head with a lock-in-a-sock. And for some reason, I simply can’t shake the feeling that our season just got “Whitey Bulgered.”
Things are certainly not looking up for Chicago this week
The Low Down
At 57 minutes, Truby’s QBR was an 80. Not great, but not awful. Statistically, I’m saying. He could’ve (perhaps should’ve) had 10 balls picked off, but on paper, it wasn’t bad. And then, on his last 7 pass plays, Lt. Pete Mitchell went 1-6 for 2 yards, with a sack, and an INT. What was he doing during the offseason, playing canasta with Estelle Constanza? If you take away the Rodgers TD pass, and el Truberino’s pick, their QBRs are shockingly similar. But you don’t get to do that. And while our D held them to just 10, the only Bear to score was (wait for it) kicker, Eddy “I Before E Except After C” Pineiro. OMG, is everything going to be ironic this year?!
Calm down, kicker. Like you did something.
Doubtlook
Ho-ly shitt. I don’t even want to think about this game, I want to bury it somewhere in the backyard. But then it would probably just grow into something evil. Like a muslim. But either this game was an anomaly, and we actually ARE good (but then WTF? like, how do you explain how unprepared our offense looked?), or we’re really as BAD as we looked (and then WTFF?! which, btw, stands for “what the fucking fuck,” but I’m trying to avoid using the F word unless I really mean it.) The point is: no matter which of these theories is true, where the fuck do we fucking go from fucking here?!
Even our D was merely the second best D on the field
I mean, do we need to break the whole thing down again and start over? Are we going to wind up dealing Mack for picks to draft Truby Tuesday’s replacement next spring? Are fans going to start rooting for someone on defense to get hurt so we don’t accidentally go 8-8 and get stuck drafting 15th? Are we going to start (gulp) tanking, and playing for the draft (#PFTD)? Again?! And if so, is “Squi” still available?!
Nagy and Pace: Looking pretty stupid right about now
Quotes of Note
Al Michaels with 6:20 left in the 3rd, when the Bears trailed 7-3: “9th Chicago drive. They’ve got 7 punts and a FG.” ~ And it went downhill from there. We finished with 8 punts, a FG and an INT.
Have you ever wondered if guys chat in these situations?
Like…”Hey, did you hear ‘the Situation’ is getting out of jail?”
Coach Matt “Proud Mary” Nagy: “I was proud of our defense, they played their ass off tonight.” ~ Yeah, but only for 3 quarters. Again. The game is played for 4, coach.
But hey, at least we’ll always have ’85!
Nagy, when asked what was at the top of his priority list: “Well, figure out how to score more points.” ~ How about watching some college football to look for our next QB?
We’re also quite skilled at projecting sports logos on buildings
BEAR DOWN!
#DoTheBearsReallySuckThisBad?
© 2019
Bear Down Baffa 
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