Bear Down Baffa

Wow!  The Bears pulled off one of the biggest heart-attack wins in team history in Denver on Sunday.  And in doing so, they saved our season!  You can’t start off 0-2 and win a Super Bowl, people.  And not only did this game come down to the last play, it was the Bears coming back after giving up the lead with just 31 seconds left.  And it was Eddy “You Can Spell Your Last Name However The Fuck You Want To Now” Pineiro who won it for us!  And then Pineiro said Jesus is real, and that everybody better believe in Him.  He went from zero-to-hero-and-back-again so quickly that even Jesus said, “Jesus Christ, that bitch needs to shut his mouth!  He’s making Tim Tebow look cool!”

Eddy “Money” Pineiro just got himself 2 tickets to paradise!

The Low Down
The Bears’ D had held Denver to 6 points through the first 59 ½ minutes.  But then the Broncos pulled within 1 after scoring their lone TD of the game with 0:31 left.  And instead of going for the tie, they lined up to go for 2, which was a really ballsy move by new head coach Vic Fangio.  But they got called for Delay of Game on the conversion attempt, and wound up settling for the PAT from the 15 to tie it.  And they missed it!  But new Bear Buster “Rhymes Isn’t A Good Enough Actor For The Big” Skrine jumped offsides!  So DEN got another chance, got the yardage back, and went for 2 AGAIN!  And converted!  So they wound up taking the lead (14-13) after all!!

Once again, our D only played 3 quarters…of AMAZING defense!

Of course they had to give us the ball again, but come on, the Bears are (and always have been) a defensive team.  We never drive down in the final minute and kick a FG for the win.  Ever!  But the Troubador completed his first pass to Trey “Parker Is A Better Director Than Tim” Burton for 5 yards, and DEN Roughed the Passer, turning it into a 20-yard gain, moving us to our 45 with 0:24 remaining.  But then Truby Tuesday threw 3 straight incompletions, and before we snapped it on 4th down, we committed an Illegal Substitution penalty.  This moved us back 5 yards, and saddled us with a 4th-and-15 from our 40 with just 0:09 left, which is typically how the Bears roll.  But apparently we weren’t done yet.

The Trubes still hasn’t thrown a TD pass this year.  Sad.

It was then that Lt. Pete Mitchell made arguably his best play as a Bear.  He came up big, stalling in the pocket until someone got open, then moving up and firing to Allen “Swiss Family” Robinson across the middle for 25 yards, giving us a 1st down at the DEN 35.  ARob then gave himself up, and somehow we were able to call a timeout to stop the clock with 1 second left.  1 SECOND LEFT!  And we were in FG range!  Well, for an established kicker, we were.  But “Squi’s” replacement etched his name into Bear lore by kicking a 53-yarder (his 3rd of the day) for the win!

Pineiro is now a name we’ll remember – hopefully for games like this,
and not for missing by so much that he doesn’t even hit the goal posts!

Outlook
It’s nice to get revenge on Denver, especially after Matt Prater kicked 2 FGs from over 50 yards to come back on us and beat us in OT there in 2011, giving Tim Tebow justification that Jesus exists (and that He hates the Bears).  We’ll not soon forget losing to GB on opening day (AGAIN!), but the closest we can get to putting that loss behind is by putting together a string of wins.  And this was the first step towards that.

(This caption from that game is still the one I’m most proud of:)
I forget, is the Bible for or against performing self-fellatio?

This W was about as big as it gets, Bear nation!  And not just because we came from behind, and did it at the buzzer, and with a new kicker that had more question marks than the Jeffrey Epstein autopsy.  This win saved our season!  We went from cellar-dwelling losebags to even-stevens who are only 1 game back!  Don’t get me wrong, El Truberino stinks, and we’re gonna have to start the rebuild all over again real soon when we trade up to draft his replacement.  But at least we’re still alive for another week!

Club Dub in the Hizzouse

Quotes of Note
Pineiro:  “…for everybody listening, if you don’t believe in Jesus Christ, you better start because he’s real.  I promise you that.” ~ Maybe Eddy’s not really that far off.  I mean, we’ve gone from dropping a double deuce in the playoffs to kicking a 53-yard game-winner in the span of 2 games?!  Maybe Jesus is real!  And now he HATES Denver because of Tebow!!

If there is a Jesus, clearly he’s a Bear fan now!

Announcer:  “What a bizarre finish to this game.” ~ And this was before Denver went for 2 the 2nd time!

Garett “Holds Rushers Like Balls When He” Bolles’s 4 Holding penalties didn’t phase Mack, but this post-game kiss attempt sure did.

BEAR DOWN!

Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!

#HoldiesOKButNoKissies
#MaybeJesusIsReal?

© 2019

This entry was posted on Fri, Sep 20, 2019 at 4:24 pm and is filed under b) 2019 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.