Bear Down Baffa

The Chicago Bears got problems.  And like the Chicago teachers’ strike, we on the outside have no idea if they even know what’s wrong, let alone if they’re anywhere near fixing it.  The Chargers had lost 3 straight, and 5 of 6.  They were just the team we wanted coming off of our own 2-game slump.  And we ALMOST did enough, but we left it in the hands of our kicker.  And like Robbie “I Lost 3 Games in 2015 Alone” Gould and Cody “Squi” Parkey before him, Eddy “Funny Money” Pineiro missed at the buzzer, costing us the game, and ostensibly, our season.  But Pineiro only makes half a mil, whereas the other 2 made almost 4.  So while we might have lost, we did do it at a savings.

Not only do I miss Gould, but I even miss Parkey right now

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NFL fans aren’t typically very bright, but I’ve got to be the dumbest amongst them for saying the Bears would dominate in 2019.  Instead, they’ve gone hero to zero in just a few weeks.  Sure, we’re still alive at 3-3, just like last year.  But Trubisky was decent back then.  Now he’s fucking AWFUL.  And he’s getting worse before our very eyes!  You can actually see the ability melting off of him, like those Nazis’ faces in Raiders of the Lost Ark.  At least the Nazis got to see the Ark before their contract ended.  We’re stuck with this douche nozzle for another 26 games.  Man, those lucky Nazi bastards!

And you thought Cutler looked aloof?!

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Well this season isn’t going the way a lot of us expected.  Coming off 3 straight wins, the Bears traveled light to London, leaving their mojo back in Chicago.  That’s a long way to go without your mojo, and if you ask me, the Bears got off easy.  We only lost by 3 (24-21), and we actually had the lead for almost the entire 4th quarter.  But the score doesn’t accurately represent how this game went.  This was an ass-whopping from top to bottom by “Captain And” Khalil Mack’s former team, the Raiders.  And while we were playing with backup QB, Daniel “Two First Names” Chase, it was our once dependable D who (like Biden’s son) really deserves the blame here.

Like expired Immodium, the Bears just couldn’t stop the runs

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