It’s not rare for the Bears to be eliminated from playoff contention this early in the season. It’s also not rare for us to have a QB controversy, to fall short of expectations, or for fans to call for both our GM and Head Coach’s heads. But it’s GOT to be a first to have that happen all at once, while we’re also paying some dickhead $3.5M to NOT kick for us while our ACTUAL kicker is an even bigger dickhead! What more can God throw at us, Bear Nation?! Just when we all thought “Squi‘s” “double doink” was as bad as it gets, cut to Eddy “70 Percent” Pineiro’s “double wide.” 70% of the time, he misses every time.
Pineiro: “In the name of the father, the son,
and the holy shit, I hope I don’t miss this!”
The Low Down
On our 1st drive, we gained 41 yards before “Funny Money” missed from 48 (wide left). On our 2nd drive, we recovered a fumble on LA’s 1st play, but rather than make Pinhead miss from 49, we went for it on 4th-and-NINE. And (surprise!) we failed. On our 3rd drive, after getting a pick, we gained 54 yards, and then “70%” missed from 47 (wide right). So essentially, he “missed” 3 straight, which is commonly referred to as “double wide and elbow deep.” We then punted, threw a pick, and punted again before taking a 10-0 deficit into the half – despite gaining 150 yards and getting 2 takeaways. I’d say “70%” was about 70% responsible.
What has 2 thumbs, makes $7M/yr, and sucks the BIG ONE?
In the 2nd half, we actually scored a TD on our 1st drive, but then we punted on our next 4. And then, in an apparent benching of Trubisky (65.1 QBR), in came Daniel “Wild Goose” Chase. So with 3:19 left, the ball at our 15, trailing by 10, Nagy goes with a guy who’s WORSE than Mitch? Well, he showed how much worse, getting sacked twice while going 1 for 4 on 6 plays (39.6 QBR). We later learned that Trubisky was “hurt,” and he didn’t tell anyone. Wouldn’t you HAVE to be hurt, though, to play THAT poorly?
What makes $5M/yr, gets his BACK dirty in just 6 plays,
and sucks whatever’s bigger than the BIG ONE?
Doubtlook
With just 6 games remaining, the Bears (4-6) are 4 games out of 1st place (GB, 8-2), and 3½ out of the 2nd Wild Card (MIN, 8-3). We could’ve been in a 4-way tie for the #3 WC spot at 5-5. Instead, not only do we still trail 9 NFC teams, but we lost ground to SEVEN of them. Just like this game, everything was being handed to us this weekend, but like Marlon Brando and that 1972 “Best Actor” Oscar, we refused to show up and accept it. And so, this season, we go home empty-handed. But Dear Lord, can this PLEASE be roc bottom?!
I guess it could be worse…Forest Gump here makes
$25M, and the one HE sucks (69.9 QBR) is pretty BIG!
Quotes of Note
Nagy, on taking Trubisky out: “His hip was hurting him…I had to pull him aside and tell him that he needed to be honest with us.” ~ Well, shouldn’t you be honest with US, Coach?
#22 to Mitch: “I DO NOT submit to forceable thunder-munching!”
Olin Kreutz: “The good thing is, if you’re in charge of this, and you say you don’t want turds on your team, now’s the time you watch.” ~ I think I misheard one of those words, because that makes no sense. But it wasn’t turds. That word I’m 100% certain I heard. I rewound it and watched it 6 times. It was definitely turds. I mean, turds all the way.
Did anyone else notice that the Rams were mostly white?
Kreutz, on Pace’s rebuild being modeled after the Rams: “(He said) we’re gonna build our team just like that. And it hasn’t worked. If you’re Ryan Pace, you’re sitting in your office tonight and you don’t have a lot of answers.” ~ But plenty of questions. Like, how old is Olin Kreutz? Or, does Olin Kreutz still move pretty well? Or, can Olin Kreutz play QB? Yes, lots and lots of questions.
Ah. Nevermind.
Announcer Chris Collinsworth: “It’s opening Pandora’s box on the discussion on Mitch Trubisky with this move at the end of the game, though…you’re taking your QB out in a key situation, game still on the line…this is a definite statement. Unless there’s an injury we don’t know about with Trubisky.” ~ Yeah, way to hedge on a 5-minute soliloquy about how big a statement it was. And btw, I believe the term Pandora’s box is reserved for times when things are going well before the box is opened. And that does not work in this case.
Yeah, you bitches BETTER be crying!
BEAR DOWN!
#Eddy70PercentPineiro
#70%OfTheTimeHeMissesEveryTime
#DoubleWideAndElbowDeep
#RocBottom
#BitchesBetterBeCrying
© 2019
Bear Down Baffa 
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