This season is confusing. The Bears started by winning 3 of our first 4 games, then we lost 4 straight, and now we just won 3 out of 4 again. And we’re back to right where we started, .500, for the 1st time since Oct. But don’t get ready, or go to any trouble. All we did is beat a backup QB, a rookie QB, and a backup rookie QB (we haven’t beaten a starter since Sept). But we are doing all we can to get back in the mix. And it continues tomorrow (Thurs) when we host Dallas for our 3rd game in 12 days. Which is why this post is so late. Also, we had to wait to see if MIN would lose to SEA on Monday night to know if it’d even be worth posting this week. As it turns out, it was.
Lion defender (#25): “There he goes, right there. That’s
the QB who’s worse than all 3 QBs we’ve started this year.”
The Low Down
All the ballyhoo around Detroit’s 3rd stringer, David “Time’s Up, Over” Blough, faded much more gradually than it ignited. After throwing TD passes on his first 2 drives, announcers were quickly crowning him a hall of famer – just 10 minutes into his NFL debut. It’s what’s known as “premature adulation.” The rest of the way, Blough was just 18 of 32 for 149 yards, and an INT (55.3 QBR), as he settled for 2 FGs in between five 3-and-outs before he threw a pick on their final drive. He threw as many times as Trubisky, but completed 7 fewer passes, finishing with a modest 87.6 QBR. Which left a lot of crow for the guys in the booth to eat.
Listed at just 6’1″, Blough seemed to be having
trouble seeing over all of that early-game hype
The strange thing about the love for Blough was that, at his peak following his 2nd TD, Trubisky himself was 5 of 6 for 35 yards, and a TD (130.6 QBR). But like a middle-child as a bridesmaid, Mitch went unnoticed, as he quietly led the Bears to points in all 4 quarters:
- Q1: 13 of 18 for 99 yards, 1 TD (103.7 QBR)
- Q2: 4 of 6 for 47 yards (90.3 QBR), FG
- Q3: 8 of 9 for 111 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT (115.5 QBR)
- Q4: 4 of 5 for 81 yards, 1 TD (158.3 QBR)
- Final: 29 of 38 for 338 yards, 3 TDs, and 1 INT (118.1 QBR)
Early on, Trubisky kept looking at Detroit’s sideline,
probably hoping to see their 4th stringer warming up
In all, the Troubador had just 3 bad drives. And he had 5 GOOD drives. On his 4th drive, he was 7 of 9 for 62 yards, but we turned it over on downs because we wouldn’t dare try a FG from 49 yards (and I can’t say that I blame us). But that would’ve been his 5th scoring drive, which will almost always get you a W, especially with a D like ours. That is, if they play like our D. But…if any of those 5 good drives had been bad, we probably would’ve lost this game. So even though he’s thrown 6 TDs against the Lions this year, the question remains: is Mitch the answer? Or is he the question?
Mitch: “Come on, I’ve only got 5 good drives in me today!”
Trubisky aside, the Bears matched or bested Detroit in almost every stat. Anthony “Light Beer From” Miller had 9 receptions for 140 yards. Jesper “Is The Horse Alive, Or Is The” Horsted scored his 1st NFL TD on just his 2nd NFL catch. Roquan “Michelle Kwan” Smith had 15 tackles and 2 sacks. Patty “Cake” O’Donnell only had to punt 3 times, so none of them were blocked. And Corduroy Patterson returned a kickoff 57 yards. So despite the Lions being terrible, we did win this one up and down the roster, which we haven’t done in a while.
On this play, Michelle Kwan lined up in the “I Wish A
Muhfucka Would” position…and then a muhfucka did!
Doubtlook
At 6-6 with 4 to play, we pretty much need to win-out to have a shot at the post season. Despite jumping 4 teams into the #4 Wild Card spot, we’re still 3 games back in our division, GB (9-3), and 2 behind the #2 WC, MIN (8-4). We play them both again, but since we beat MIN and lost to GB, MIN would be easier to catch. The Vikes play DET, LAC, and GB before hosting us 12/29. So we need to make up a game on MIN in the next 3 weeks, and then beat them straight up in the finale. That would tie us, which we’d break by having beaten them twice. That COULD actually happen.
Yeah, there won’t be any catching of the
Vikes if our D leaves guys THIS wide open
But we’d also have to leapfrog the #3, Rams (7-5), who beat us (so they’d break a tie). And we’d have to stave off the 3 teams tied for the #5 at 5-7: Philly, CAR, and TB (fucking TB?!). And even if we did sneak into the playoffs, then what? We’d lose a close game in the 1st round, that’s what. Maybe on a missed FG, or a blocked punt, or even a late pick. Having said that, if Akiem “A Saw, A Conquered” Hicks returns, the Bears could win-out (he won’t be back for the Cowboy game, though). And if that happened, we could advance. And if we did, we’d be a handful for anybody crossing our path. Having said all THAT, that’s a lot of ifs, and IF we lose once more, we’re done.
Jesus, is this guy STILL running?!
AND he’s got even MORE separation?!
Quotes of Note
Announcer Troy Aikman, just 1 minute in, on Trubisky,: “I don’t know that he processes what he’s seeing all that well.” ~ And he was just getting started. The way he came at Mitch, it was like Aikman thought Mitch stole his parasol!
I mean, I see a referee, and I see a camera guy, but I still
don’t see any Bears. And he’s already mid-celebration!
Announcer Joe Buck, 4 minutes in, prematurely adulating all over Blough: “What a start for Blough! TD Detroit! There are no flags….75 yards (voice breaks) for the score! And wow! What a beginning for David Blough! Huh.” ~ That ‘huh’ at the end sealed it for me – either we heard him go through the 5 stages of grief, or there are 5 stages to his orgasms.
Passes came off Blough’s hand much like the ejaculate
shot from Buck’s buckaroo: awkwardly, and relentlessly
Buck, 6 minutes later, and during his 2nd Blourgasm: “Blough, 2 drives, 2 TD passes! 131 pass yards! Lions up by 7…(grunt)…It’s been fun watching David Blough” ~ I think that was the point that he started trying to jerk Aikman off under their desk.
I’m betting this is Buck’s new screen saver
Curt Menefee, in Fox’s NFL studio, at the half: “David Blough’s 1st NFL completion, good for a 75-yard TD.” ~ Their studio must’ve also been in Detroit, because you could clearly hear Buck gurgling as he blew Menefee under the table.
Meanwhile, Mitch is over here breaking new thunder-munching
ground, and he can’t even get a mention from Fox’s NFL studio!
Buck, with 20 minutes left, on Horsted’s game-tying TD catch (while giving absolutely no love to Trubisky): “What a grab that was!” And then Aikman (also ensuring that exactly 0 love was given to Mitch): “Yeah, it was! What a great job by Horsted! He’s able to get a step, and he shows off his WR skills by being able to haul that in.” ~ Yeah, like that catch was only possible because of a spectacular play on that flaming pile of horseshit of a pass from the Trubes.
I mean, you do have to admit that it was a pretty amazing catch
Buck, turning his fanboying onto Horsted, and hardly even mentioning Mitch: “Jesper Horsted spent the first 10 weeks of the season on the practice squad…2 catches in the NFL. 1 last week, 1 this week. And a TD today on Thanksgiving to tie the game…(grunt)…Jesper Horsted, undrafted out of Princeton, converted WR to TE, getting a chance…(grunt, followed by a groan)…Good throw Trubisky. Tie game in Detroit, 17 all.” ~ Buck was soon thereafter seen writing #49 on his panties, and then tossing them down to the Bears’ sideline.
After the game, Jesper’s teammates “horsted” him
up on their shoulders and carried him off the field
Coach “If We Don’t Have Club Dub Parties When We Lose, I Get A Little” Nagy: “A lot of players made a lot of plays, but today was Mitch’s day…special throws at special times…” ~ Suck on THAT Aikman! And Buck, get over yourself, and let go of yourself in the booth!
Nagy to coach Patricia: “Here, let me get that
glob of Buck’s semen out of your beard for ya.”
BEAR DOWN!
#TimesUpOverBlough
#MiddleChildBridesmaid
#LinedUpInTheIWishAMuhfuckaWouldPosition
#MyBrotherSaidPoorJoeBuck
#FuckJoeBuck
© 2019
Bear Down Baffa 
Thu, Dec 5, 2019 at 12:30 pm |
Too much porn……otherwise funny.
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