Bear Down Baffa

2020 is like the Quentin Tarantino of years:  it’s too far-fetched to be real, but it’s actually happening in front of your eyes.  So who’s surprised when, in his Bears debut, Nick “You Knew I Wouldn’t Be On The Bench For Long” Foles brings the Bears back from a 16-point deficit by putting up 20 points in the final 7 minutes – off the bench.  If we hadn’t just done that 2 weeks ago, it would’ve felt like a miracle.  But this year, eh, it’s just week 3.  And how quickly impressions of Matt “Hey, Mitch Was Already Here When I Showed Up” Nagy have changed in the past 48, huh?  All this guy did was become the 1st coach in NFL history to come back from 16 in Q4 twice in a season.  And he did it just 2 weeks apart, both on the road, and with 2 different QBs!  The Bears are now 3-0, and with Nicky Football at the helm, we’re in the Supa Bow conversation.  But don’t get ready or go to any trouble, because remember, it’s 2020.  And NO ONE knows what’s going to happen next.  Not even Tarantino, and he’s writing it!

Nick Foles, the new Punky QB?  IDK, but he does wear #9…

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The 2020 Bears are winning ugly, and they’ve already found 2 different ways to do it.  Last week, we trailed by 17 in the 3rd quarter before Trubisky brought us back.  But this week, we LED by 17 in the 3rd before we let the Giants come back on US.  Three unanswered NY scores (including 2 FGs off of Mitch’s 2 INTs) shrunk the lead to 4 with 7:43 left.  But with NY star Saquon “QAnon” Barkley going down after just 4 carries, and the Giants having little else, our impressive 1st half was enough to stave off our abysmal 2nd.  And we advance to 2-0, shocking everyone.  Well, everyone except the Bears themselves, our blog staff, and the courageous and legendary Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG, RIP).  As we all remember, the 2 last things she said on her death bed were:  1. Don’t let Trump replace me, and 2. Bears all the way in 2020, case closed!  

The 2020 Bears:  Winning Ugly and Winning Empty

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You have to give it to the Bears – they really know how to keep things interesting.  Even when they win, they’ll make you cringe, squirm, and even consider changing the channel before they somehow reach around and pull a W from out of their butts.  And not only did they win in week 1 for the first time in 7 years (they started 3-0 under Trestman in 2013?!), but they did it on the back of the now-redeemed Mitch “Did Someone Say The Bitch Is Back?” Trubisky.  Sure, he didn’t show up until the 4th quarter, and we were down 17 points to the only franchise that could challenge the Cubs for their “Worst Ever” crown, but those are irrelevant details compared to one undeniable fact:  every single person in the city of Chicago is smiling under their masks today.  At least, that is, until next week.

This game-winning TD pass to Anthony “Lite Beer From”
Miller was only made possible by Mitch’s earlier ineptitude

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For over a decade now, millions of fans have flocked to our blog for our pre-season predictions.  And we’ve gladly provided them, interspersed with cherry-picked stats and our brand of toilet humor.  But if 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that nobody knows what the hell’s going on, let alone what’s going to happen.  The Bears could go 16-0, or 0-16, and neither would surprise me anymore.  We’re mid-pandemic.  There are protests, riots, cities being taken over by citizens.  The canceling of pro sports games, due to both health concerns as well as player boycotts.  And worst of all, the Mask Wars.  Added to which, I’ve got one foot out the door on my beloved team.  So it’s really hard to be optimistic about anything, let alone the Bears.  But I did have high hopes last year, and we’re objectively better.  So, I’m gonna give the Bears one last chance.  But if they blow it AGAIN, I’m gonna pull a Conor McGregor and retire from them for good.  For the 3rd time.  That’s if we even make it to 2021.

Nagy:  “The 1st rule of training camp is don’t cough on me.
The 2nd rule of training camp is DON’T COUGH ON ME!”

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