Bear Down Baffa

2020 is like the Quentin Tarantino of years:  it’s too far-fetched to be real, but it’s actually happening in front of your eyes.  So who’s surprised when, in his Bears debut, Nick “You Knew I Wouldn’t Be On The Bench For Long” Foles brings the Bears back from a 16-point deficit by putting up 20 points in the final 7 minutes – off the bench.  If we hadn’t just done that 2 weeks ago, it would’ve felt like a miracle.  But this year, eh, it’s just week 3.  And how quickly impressions of Matt “Hey, Mitch Was Already Here When I Showed Up” Nagy have changed in the past 48, huh?  All this guy did was become the 1st coach in NFL history to come back from 16 in Q4 twice in a season.  And he did it just 2 weeks apart, both on the road, and with 2 different QBs!  The Bears are now 3-0, and with Nicky Football at the helm, we’re in the Supa Bow conversation.  But don’t get ready or go to any trouble, because remember, it’s 2020.  And NO ONE knows what’s going to happen next.  Not even Tarantino, and he’s writing it!

Nick Foles, the new Punky QB?  IDK, but he does wear #9…

The Low Down
The Chicago Bears are on a roll, folks.  Not only did we win for the 3rd straight time this year, but dating back to last season, this is our 4th win in a row, and the 7th in our last 9 games.  In fact, the only 2 teams to have beaten us in the last 10 months are GB (in GB), and the Supa Bow champion KC Chiefs.  But despite our lopsided record during that time, we’ve been out-scored in those games 186 – 185.  And the answer to your next question (how is that even f-ing possible?!) should’ve become painfully obvious to anyone watching on Sunday:  Mitchell “He Gone!” Trubisky.  Because as soon as he left the field, we became an entirely different team.  Like a post-op transsexual, we were finally allowed to be the team we always believed ourselves to be on the inside.

Mitch to Graham:  “You’re gonna tell coach not to bench me,
right?  And don’t say I asked you to because then it’s weird.”

And despite coaching with that albatross around his neck, Nagy has gone 23-12 (.657), which is stellar.  What’s crazy is that gives him the 5th best winning % in Bear’s history, as he quietly passed #6 Mike Ditka (.631) in week 1.  What’s crazier is he’s not far from the other 4.  Tied at #3 are Luke Johnsos and Hunk Anderson (.676), who “co-coached” from 1942-45, as the legendary George Halas (#2, .682) stepped away from football to win WWII.  Even crazier still, if Nagy wins 3 MORE in a row, he’d pass all 3 of them.  And craziest yet, if Nagy wins SIX more in a row, he’d catch #1 Ralph Jones (.706), who coached during Halas’s 1st respite from 1930-32.  And this is the guy that fans wanted fired last week, the week before, and almost all of last year.  And he’s done all this, at least until about 2 pm CST this Sunday, with Mitch (he gone!).

I wonder if Nagy was wearing his mask
when he told Mitch (he gone!) that he gone

3 QBs Enter, Only 1 Wears #9
We all knew Mitch (he gone!) was on a short leash.  As our blog predicted, “even if we’re undefeated, he’ll get yanked by week 4.”  And though he did cut the lead to 6 on his lone TD pass with 1:50 left in Q2, he just prolonged the inevitable for a few minutes.  When we got the ball back 30 seconds later with another shot before the half, Mitch (he gone!) threw incomplete to tightly-covered Darnell “She Works Hard For The” Mooney, completed a short toss to Tarik “HE Gone?” Cohen, and overthrew a wide-open Anthony “I Probably Would’ve Dropped It Anyway” Miller at the ATL 15.  We were forced to punt, but luckily, the Falcons knelt as time ran out.  And on his next drive, after ATL quickly scored a TD to start the 2nd half, Mitch (he gone!) then threw what may be his final INT as a Bear (it won’t), giving them the ball at our 19.

ATL’s defense at the half:  “We gotta put them away now!  Ain’t
no telling how much longer Trubisky will be in there helping us!”

I don’t know if the official yank came right then, or if it was after the Falcons kicked a FG 3 plays later, taking their biggest lead 5 minutes into Q3.  But I’d had enough.  There was no more denying that Mitch (he gone!) isn’t the guy, or that he’s making us worse.  I began texting my Bear’s friends – “Are we bringing Foles out on our next drive?”  And this was before they showed Foles wearing his helmet on the sideline.  So either someone forwarded my texts to Nagy, or that last pick was the straw that broke the camel-toe’s back (not to be confused with the camel-toe’s toe), because Nagy dropped Mitch (he gone!) like a baby in Cubs gear next to a much cuter baby in Sox gear.  It would not only be Mitch’s (he gone!) last pass of the day, but it was the last time ATL would start in Bear territory – and the last time they’d score.

When Mitch (he gone!) heard he was benched, he grabbed the
game ball and sprinted into the locker room, yelling he gone!

On 7 drives, Mitch (he gone!) led the Bears to just 180 yards and 10 points, and his only TD came when he himself ran it 45 yards down to the ATL 5 – the only time HE took us into the redzone.  Meanwhile, the Falcons gained 300 yards as Matt “I Blow The YUGEST Leads” Ryan put up 26 points on a 94.3 QBR.  But once Nicky Foosball came in with 10 minutes left in Q3, everything changed.  First, Foles led us to 260 yards on 6 drives, and even with the refs taking 2 TD passes off the board, he still put up 3.  And second, he somehow impacted the other side of the ball, because ATL gained just 95 yards the rest of the way, as Ryan was just 6/15 (40%) with a 26.8 QBR.  At one point, he threw 8 straight incompletions, failing to complete a pass on 4 straight drives.  And the closest the Falcons ever got to scoring again was missing a FG from our 30 early in Q4.

It was like Foles was controlling the ball as it left Ryan’s hand

Here’s a breakdown of the game’s 3 QBs, ranked by final numbers:

I mean, who would YOU rather?

Outlook
We’re still undefeated, still in 1st place, and 1 of 7 teams sitting at 3-0 (GB, SEA, BUF, PIT, TEN and KC), though unfortunately, 1 of those teams is in our division.  But still, that’s a great place to be – even if we were still stuck with Mitch (he gone!).  And without him, well, let’s just say that the rest of the NFL is officially on notice.  Because our best football is right in front of us.

Foles began with a McMahon visor, but took it off after 1 drive

Yes, the 3 teams we’ve beaten are now a combined 0-9.  Yes, we were down 16 points to 2 of them, and almost blew a 17-point lead to the other one.  Yes, we had 2 different QBs throw INTs in the same game on Sunday, and both should’ve had other passES picked off.  And yes, we not only COULD have lost all 3 of those games, we SHOULD have.  But just imagine if we play like we should WIN for once.  Which we may finally do now that Mitch (he gone!) is gone.  We might be unbeatable.  They brought out Atlanta, now bring on Dallas!

Foles, to anybody who’d listen:  “Hey, have
you seen my visor?!  I can’t find it anywhere!”

Other Notes
We targeted our TEs 13 times, including 9 by Foles.  Jimmy “Likes Elaine” Graham had 6 catches for 60 yards and 2 TDs, while Demetrious “Also Likes Elaine” Harris got his first 3 catches as a Bear for 15 yards.  I’ll be looking for their numbers to spike in the coming weeks.

Along with 6’7″ Jimmy, 6’7″ Demetrious likes his new 6’6″ QB –
almost as much as they like Elaine!

Quotes of Note
FOX’s Kenny Albert, with 4 minutes left:  “So you look at this 4th quarter, the Bears come back, they score 2 TDs.  6 Atlanta penalties, and the Falcons with a missed FG and 3 punts here in the 4th.” ~ And this was before we took the lead.

When Jimmy doesn’t have to jump, Jimmy gets 2 feet in

FOX’s Jonathan Vilma, responding to the above statement:  “And let me add to that allowing the Bears to convert on 4th down.  Missing INTs, easy INTs.  Penalties, penalties, penalties…it’s just a total team effort of imploding in the 4th quarter.” ~ Again, the Falcons were STILL WINNING at this point.

Jimmy only uses 1 arm in the 4th quarter

Mitch, before rambling on and on and on and on about his “team first” attitude:  “You’ve got to make those throws, that’s on me.” ~ You’re absolutely right, Mitch (he gone!), they are.  Also, I heard the Walmart back in Mentor, OH is hiring.

Everyone seemed to fully support the transition to Foles…
well, that is, except for ONE guy…

Nick, on stealing the starting job:  “I’ve been where he’s been, and it’s not easy…It really sucks…Trubisky is an outstanding QB.  He’s got a bright career ahead of him.  This is just one day.” ~ I’m curious, Nick.  Did he also take his uniform pants off one leg at a time, take one for the team, and pray that, the good lord willing, Walmart is hiring back in Mentor, OH?

Before he was even benched, Mitch (he gone!) was
already looking in the stands for a ride home to Mentor, OH

Comcasts’s Alex Brown, on Nicky Foosball:  “We finally have a football team now that we can actually get behind….I’m not saying he’s Joe Montana, but he’s the best QB on this team, and I’m glad to see him in there.” ~ And Joe Montegna never had a defense as good as ours!

RIP Gale Sayers, seen here with Halas, and some guy named
Dick Butkus.  In 1965, the 2 were drafted 3rd and 4th overall.

BEAR DOWN!

Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!

#HeGone!
#CamelToe’sToe
#NickyFoosball
#RIPGaleSayers

© 2020

This entry was posted on Tue, Sep 29, 2020 at 5:38 pm and is filed under a) NEW 2020 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.