Leave it to Mitch and the Bears to wait until their season is virtually over to actually start playing. It’s shocking that, despite our 6-game losing streak, this win puts us ahead of 7 NFC teams. So we’re simultaneously playing for the draft (PFTD) while also fighting for a playoff spot (FFAPS). It’s so confusing! But before anyone gets excited about the Bears and the playoffs, nothing has changed. We still suck. It’s just that the Houstons suck way more. They assigned their GM duties to head coach Bill O’Brien back in January. And he made so many bad moves that by October, he got fired from both roles. They’ve still won 4 games this year, but 2 were against the 1-12 Jags, and 1 was so shocking that it got the opposing coach, Detroit’s Matt Patricia, fired. So don’t go thinking the Bears did anything Sunday other than blow a straw house down. And hurt their draft position.
Texas’s O is so bad that our D scored on them (via
safety), so our O only had to score 6 points to win.
The Low Down
The Bears made the most of playing a minor league team by jumping right on them. David “3 Card Monte” Montgomery ran for an 80-yard TD on our first snap. Mitch didn’t throw the ball until our 3rd drive, but he completed his first 9 passes, and had 3 TDs with a 141.6 QBR at the half, as we matched our season-high 30 points in the first 30 minutes. But then we only scored 6 points (2 FGs) in the 2nd half while punting on our other 3 possessions, including punting TWICE on 1 drive (Texas fumbled the punt return). And on that “combined” drive, we gained exactly 0 yards (+3 and -3) on 8 plays. So even though our offense scored a ton of points (34), we still only played well for one half, and there’s little to celebrate this week.
Having said that, this Monte run is one thing to celebrate
We gained roughly 200 yards in each half, but the 1st was aided by that 80-yard run. And our 2nd half includes 40 yards we “gained” during our 1st punt on that 2-punt drive, and it doesn’t include the 40 yards we lost on our SIX 2nd-half penalties, which add up to 80 yards. If you discount that combined 160 yards, Texas actually out-gained us (263 – 250). Mitch finished 24/33 for 267 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs, and a 126.7 QBR, which was better than Deshaun Watson’s 21/30 for 219 yards, 1 TD, 0 INTs, and a 101.9 QBR. But Watson had to face OUR defense, which got 7 sacks, 2 takeaways, and a safety. And TEX still managed to gain over 100 yards rushing, along with 7.3 yards per pass attempt. So as far as our staff is concerned, the Bears still stink, and we’re still PFTD’ing.
Mitch: “You guys, it’s just 1 win. We can still PFTD.”
Doubtlook
All it took was 1 game, but the Bears might’ve just blown our entire draft next year. Last week, we were looking at a chance to draft as high as 4th, but we’re now 6-7, and tied for the 8th seed in the NFC with MIN (uhm, what?). So, not only did we lose ground that we can’t get back, but we’re now only a game away from the last Wild Card spot (7-6, AZ). We all know the Bears aren’t playoff ready, and we stand no chance against a playoff-caliber team. But if we reach the post season, the highest we could draft is 19th. And that’s not high enough to fix all that’s broken in one off-season. So it could mean that we have to break it all down and completely re-build, which this time would lead to fans burning their Bear Nation membership cards – me included.
Looks like we’ve finally found something Robert “$70M Man”
Quinn is good at: celebrating when his teammates do his job
Playoffs aside, we gave up draft ground on 5 teams who lost: we let DET and SF (both 5-8) cut ahead of us, we let MIN and NE (both 6-7) catch us from behind, and we lost the chance to catch TEX (4-9). If the Houstons had beaten us, we’d be tied with them at 5-8, and just a tie-breaker away from picking 9th. We’d also have kept our dream for the 4th pick alive. But now the best we can do is probably 8th – and that’s only if EVERYTHING goes our way. We’d have to lose out (MIN, JAX, and GB), then DEN, DET, NE, NYG, and SF would all have to win at least 1 more, and then we’d have to win tie-breakers over like 6 teams. So even though we technically only fell back 2 slots this week, this win alone could wind up costing us 5+ places in line:
Note: every NFC team has at least 4 wins
Quotes of Note
CBS announcer Kevin Harlan, after our 2nd FG by Cairo “Head Shoulders Knees And Toes, Knee” Santos: “Santos apparently has the best percentage of made FGs in a single season in Bears history.” ~ Hey Kevin, how about telling us what that percentage is? Sheesh. Santos had the Bear record before the game (90.5%), and then went 2 for 2, making him 91.3% (21/23). Incidentally, Robbie Gould holds the next 8 best Bear FG kicking seasons, though he never topped 90% with us, and is under 90% this year.
“Knee” Santos is making just 20% of Gould’s salary this
year ($4.75M-910k), but he has 20% more FGs (21-17)
Comcast’s Olin Kreutz, on how significant this win was: “Look, we know who they played. But…for one day, they quieted the critics.” ~ Yeah, and that one day is already about over.
William “the Refrigerator” Perry could fit through
this hole – with an actual refrigerator on his back
Comcast’s Alex Brown, on how our O was able to play so well: “You can tell me after a win about (our offense finding) all this rhythm, and how everything was great. (But) that team (Texas) was terrible!” ~ And I think Alex was going easy on them.
Nagy, to his players: “Come on, guys! I
know we suck, but Texas REALLY sucks!”
Comcast’s Lance Briggs, on Bear fans checking themselves before they wreck themselves: “Don’t get cocky. This was the last-ranked defense.” ~ For some perspective, our D gave up 5 TDs each of the last 2 weeks, but we only scored 4 TDs this week against the lowly Houstons. That doesn’t sound as impressive as it did when it happened now, does it?
I’d like to nominate longsnapper Patrick “Tip The” Scales for
the “2020 Worst Celebration (Even For A White Guy)” award!
BEAR DOWN!
#Don’tForgetItsJustTheTexasHoustons
#PFTDvsFFAPS
© 2020
Bear Down Baffa 
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