Bear Down Baffa

We finally have our answer: the ’08 Chicago Bears suck.  Despite having an enormity of talent, and the lead in 6 of their 7 losses, they just couldn’t win enough games to be considered good.  And with their season on the line today, after winning 3 in a row to stay alive, they refused to play with the pride of a winner, much like what the Cubs do.  And the Bears found the same losebag result.  Maybe it’s the fans that unconditionally support them even when they lose.  Maybe it’s the coaching, or the front office.  Maybe there are too many players who got guaranteed money.  Maybe our players just aren’t as good as they once were – maybe we’re just getting passed up in the ever accelerating NFL race.  Whatever it is, if football ability were measured in dollars, the Bears would be as broke as a homeless man who just got robbed.  (more…)

If you’re only going to play one half of a game, an argument can be made that either of those halves has its advantages.  But if I were given the choice, I’d take the second half.  The same could be said about playing one quarter; I’d take the fourth.  Same goes for an eighth, you’d have to pick the eighth eighth.  And if you’re the Bears playing the Pack in ‘08, when you only play one sixteenth of a 2-game match-up, you’d have to take the sixteenth sixteenth, or that last 7 ½ minutes, when the season is on the line.  (more…)

Two down, two to go.  Whoa, we’re half way there.  Whoa, living on a prayer.  Take my hand, Bear Nation, we’ll make it I swear.

With both the Bears’ and Saints’ seasons on the line, the Bears failed to make as many bonehead plays as New Orleans – a seeming rarity this season – and squeaked one out at home.  And this time, the 27-24 final in OT against an NFC South opponent went in our favor.  This was our first win in four NFC South match-ups, which isn’t a good sign.  But it marks our third two-game win streak, as we advance to 8-6 (.571), our third highest winning percentage on the year (1-0, 1.00; 5-3, .625).  And for the third year in a row, we ended the Saints’ season.  So technically, and I’m not saying this to brag here, but technically, we own them bitches.  (more…)

It’s simple math:  you put a crappy team in front of the ’08 Chicago Bears, and they’ll kick the shit out of them.  And that’s what happened on Sunday at Soldierz.  The Bears defense put them ahead, intercepting the first pass of the game and returning it to the JAX 5.  And it was pretty much over from there.  But before we start jerking each other off, let’s put this W into perspective.  We beat a 4-8 team, which means they’ve lost twice as much as they’ve won.  So we didn’t really prove much more than we can beat a bad warm-weather team in the cold.  (more…)

The Purple People Eaters got an extra Thanksgiving meal on Sunday night, devouring the Bears like they hadn’t found a purple person to eat in weeks due to the melting polar caps.  And the Bears are now in danger of becoming extinct.  Once again, on a national stage, the Bears froze at the podium like Eminem in the beginning of 8 Mile.  And you can bet mom’s spaghetti that the clock left on their season has run out – time’s up, over, BLAOW!  (more…)

This game was like the practice game before the big game, when the A-team plays the B-team.  This scrimmage always turns out badly for the B-team, and it serves as a good dress rehersal and a confidence boost for the A-team.  But this was the actual big game, and the A-team Bears rebounded from back to back losses to beat the B-team Rams like they’ve been getting worse each week, and it was December, 2012.  (more…)

Houston, we have a problem.  The Farvrhvhrefh-less pack just ripped a whole in the Bear’s heat shield, and the Bears may not have enough oxygen to make it back home.  You’d have thought that with their Fonzie gone, Green Bay would be slacking.  But either Richie Cunningham picked up right where he left off, or the Bears have become Potsie.  And neither one of those scenarios bodes well for Chicago.  (more…)

BHO, our president-elect, is a big fan of the Bears.  He’s also a big fan of opportunity.  And like the new America he’s already created, the Bears had plenty of opportunity on Sunday.  But like most Democratic initiatives, they failed to execute and no one can explain why.  (more…)

I never thought I’d site Justin Timberlake in print, but to steal from the dreamy Back Streeter, the Bears are bringing Sexy back.  Yep, just when you thought it was safe, Sexy Rexy has to get his uniform cleaned for the first time this year after leading the Bears to a come-from-behind victory against the division rival Lions on Sunday.  That gives us 7 wins in our last 10 games, 4 in our last 5, and it puts us alone in first place.  Sure the defense had the Li-downs on lock down in the second half, but we were down by 10 when Rexy punched in, and up by 4 when he toweled off.  So I say the kid deserves a happy ending to his post-game massage – or at least a free steak at Ditka’s!  (more…)

No way that just happened.  Does anyone recall 89 points being scored in a Bears game?  EVER?!  It was like an AFC game in the 80’s, or a college game – lots of scoring, and lots of crazy plays (only no scantily-clad cheerleaders).  There were also lots of costly mistakes.  And on Sunday, most of them came at the expense of the visiting team – the one that eats purple people (and I still don’t know why they condone, carry out and celebrate such racist and cannibalistic behavior).  Minni may have scored 41 and not punted once, but 10% of their passes were caught by Bears – they turned it over with the regularity of a blackjack dealer.  And even a mediocre team (see Chicago Bears) will make you pay for that kind of tomfoolery.  (more…)

Where do you start when the story ends in tragedy?  Do you jump right into the passion and the anger?  Do you wail your cries like the sirens of an army of fire trucks?  Do you look for the light of hope in the smoldering darkness?  There are so many things wrong about losing the way we did, it’s tough to get your head around it.  But the first image that comes to mind is this: if Orton blew his wad last week, he went home with blue balls Sunday night.  (more…)

Ass whooping.  Knock-out.  Beat down.  Jolly stomp.  Fuck that brotha UP!

Ironically, these are all things that happened to me at a lesbian bar this weekend, as well as what the Bears did to the Detroit Lions in Sunday’s 34-7 shellacking.  And though they are a weak team at best at 0-4 (you can take the Lion out of Detroit, but you can’t take Detroit out of the Lion), they did sweep us in last year’s dismal season.  So we can’t help but celebrate this victory with the pride of a Mexican on Cinco de Mayo.  Or the joy of the she-men that took turns pummeling my face on Saturday night.  In my case, it’s more like you can take the skinny bitch to the fight, but you can’t take the fight to the skinny bitch – at least not when that fight involves a beer bottle and four biker chicks, two of whom have beards.  (more…)

Yes, the Bears found a way NOT to lose Sunday night, playing four quarters of NFL football like they’re expected to.  They held on to win 24-20 despite never leading by more than 7.  I got to watch it sitting in the South end zone next to some guy named Mark who was so drunk, I was embarrassed for him – yes ME, embarrassed for HIM!  He could hardly sit, stand or form words – or at least words anyone could comprehend.  I was with Chris and the Zito’s, who flew in from FloRida (BIG Bear fans) as they do every year, and a couple of nappy-headed ho Philly fans.  Well, one wasn’t a ho, but only because she married a Zito.  The front of her t-shirt read “Eagles by Blood,” and the back, “Bears by Submission.”  Pretty solid.  (more…)

It seemed like he was throwing the ball to the wrong team, almost all 67 record-setting times.  The Bears traded him back to Tampa, but Brian “Lube It Up Til It’s Good And” Griese got his revenge Sunday when he stuck it in the Bears collective ass in their home opener.  He kept it close by spotting us 3 INT’s, but for the second week in a row a former Bear had a big game against us, and the Bears again wake up Monday morning as losers.  I’m just sick about it.  I gave our staff the night off and told them to go home and be with their families to ride out the Katrina-sized storm that is raining down on Bear Nation.  Make no mistake about it folks, our season is already on the brink of disaster, and there’s still a week left in baseball’s regular season.  I think it’s time to start calling for some heads.  (more…)

We got just what we wanted – a rematch of our Jan. ’06 post-season debacle when Steve Smith ran amuck at Soldierz, like a politician at a whorehouse, and nobody stopped him.  But the Bears could not exact their sweet revenge, even with Carolina’s 1-man show serving a 2-game suspension for sucker punching a teammate in a pre-season practice.  So the Bears return from their first road trip of the season 1-1, winning the game we should have lost, and losing the game we should have won.  So much for our 3-game win streak.  (more…)

We started a QB (Kyle “Unsheared Neck-Beard Sportin” Orton) with only 18 NFL starts, a rookie RB making his NFL debut (Matt Forte “Cent”), a defensive tackle playing only his second NFL game (his first two seasons, and first game, ended in injury – Dusty Dvoracek), we were on the road, against a QB making his 161st straight regular-season start, a team breaking in a new stadium, that hasn’t started worse than 7-0 since ’04, and that beat us in the Supa Bow just 19 months ago.  (more…)

Now I’m no Donald “I’m too classy to say anything bad about Rosie, but she’s a pig” Trump when it comes to self-promotion, but it’s hard to deny the accuracy of our staff’s predictions at the end of last season.  Let’s take a look at just how right we were…  (more…)

Welcome to the 2008-09 season, and to the new blog @ BearDownBaffa.wordpress.com!

Congratulations on making the brilliant decision to visit the Bear Down Baffa blog, voted the #1 Bears Blog in the United States in 2008!  And much like our posts left you feeling last year – breathless, disoriented and completely satisfied both emotionally and physically – it is our goal to bring you to new heights of Bears pleasure this year.  It’s a simple equation: Bears games are your Sunday foreplay, and this blog is your Monday morning screaming orgasm.  Even Lovie Smith reads: “Coaching the Bears is fun, but man, that blog is some funny ass shit.  I laughed so hard I slapped my wife!”  (more…)