Bear Down Baffa

Not to anyone’s surprise, Philly phoned in the Bear’s season Sunday night.  But at least this one was close.  Somehow, we managed to score 20 points.  The defense forced 3 turnovers and got 3 sacks.  And despite trailing most of the game, we actually had the lead with less than 6 minutes to play.  Yes, the Bears finally showed some signs of life, playing their best game in a month, and giving us reason to tune in next Sunday.  But it wasn’t enough.  And unlike last year, when we beat Philly and they went on to win the final Wild Card spot, there will be no reversal of fortune.

Having now lost 3 in a row, and 5 of our last 6, Bears fans will no longer be watching with post season aspirations.  No, we’ll be resigned to watching with scant hopes for an occasional, and most likely surprising, victory.  And that, dear friends, is our 2009 season. 

Top 10 Signs That The Bears Are Done
10.  The Bengals, who destroyed the Bears, lost to the 3-7 Raiders Sunday.
9.  The Steelers, who the Bears beat and thought was a major victory, lost to the 3-7 Chiefs Sunday.
8.  Over Cutler’s last five games, he has 5 TD’s, 11 INT’s and an average QBR of 65.
7.  It’s not an excuse, just an explanation; Urlacher is out for the season.
6.  Teams that have beaten the Bears this year are only 29-25 (.537) against the rest of the league: AZ 7-3, CIN 7-3, GB 6-4, PHI 6-4, ATL 5-5, SF 4-6.
5.  Teams the Bears have beaten this year are a paltry 12-28 (.300): CLE 1-9, DET 2-8, SEA 3-7, PIT 6-4.
4.  The Vikings are 9-1, GB is 6-4, and the Bears are 4-6, in 3^rd place and 5 back with 6 to play.
3.  I don’t believe any team in history that has lost 5 of 6 has made it to the post season.
2.  Of the 6 other teams in the Wild Card race (NYG 6-4, GB 6-4, PHI 6-4, ATL 5-5, SF 4-6, CAR 4-6), 5 are ahead of us, and 4 have beaten us.
1.  Since 1990, only 7% of teams starting 4-6 have made the post season.

One ray of hope for the future came about due to an injury.  With RB Garrett Wolfe out with a lacerated kidney, Kahlil Bell played his first NFL game.  And he ran for all 72 yds of our second FG drive – on his first career carry.  He finished with 81 yards on 4 carries, which brings us to a new section we’re calling:

Where The @$%# Have the Bears Been Hiding Kahlil Bell!?
This week, we only ask questions in this section.  They are:  Who is Kahlil Bell?  Where did this guy come from?  Why hasn’t he played yet?  And why did he only get the ball 4 times Sunday night?!

The Cutler Identity
We all know Jay Pickler can’t play at night, but this game was at home against a team that had lost 2 in a row.  I think some of the backlash from his faulty play is making its way into his helmet.  He looked tentative and uncomfortable, pulling back on the reigns of his typical wet ‘n’ wild demeanor.  He played fairly conservatively (if by conservatively you mean terrible), and missed several wide open receivers on plays that would have led to scores.  He only threw 1 INT, though he did save it for the final minute with the game on the line.  But at least he did it before we got to the red zone.

The Butler was the third best QB on the field Sunday night, finishing 24-43 (55.8%) for 171 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT, 63.2 QBR.  Donovan McNabb was 23-32 (71.9%) for 244 yds, 2 TD, 1 INT 101.6 QBR, and former dog killer Michael Vick was 1 for 1 (100.0%) for 0 yds, but had a better-than-the-Butler QBR of 79.2.  He also ran for more yds (34) than he’s had all year (27) on his only carry, demonstrating yet another way the Bears suck.

Booty Call
On the Bears final drive, with about a minute left in the game, Hester missed a low thrown pass.  On the replay, you could see from another angle that the defender, who fell into Hester from behind, pulled his pants (and any under apparel he may have been wearing) all the way down below his buttocks.  It revealed not part, not most, but all 100% of his tight, little booty.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen that in a football game in my life.

Doubt-look
When we have time to mention Hester’s tight, little booty, you know it doesn’t look good.  Had we won tonight, our 5-5 record would have given us a 28% chance of getting to the post season.  But the Bear’s post season hopes have become a wish that is floating away like Tom Hanks’s buddy Wilson in Castaway.  And like a set of keys you drop in hot molten lava, you have to just walk away, cause man, they’re gone.

4-6, and fast-tracking to 4-12!

The Bears Suck.  Dig it.

© 2009

This entry was posted on Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 8:58 am and is filed under l) 2009 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.