There are two days this year that I’ll hate Bret Favre more than a Packer fan. The first was Sunday. In a battle of the first place Twin Cities and the worst place Second City, there was (at least theoretically) potential for a great match-up, with the Vikings out-ranking the Bears in every statistic they record, and the Bears having nothing to lose. But the missing ingredient for the Bears was the ability to win, which is one of the many things on their Christmas list this year. And the result was what has become commonplace: 1) the Bears did not play well, and 2) the Bears did not win.
We’ve now lost 4 in a row, and 6 of 7. That’s a .142 winning percentage since Oct 5, or 44% of our schedule. Even throwing this game aside because Minn is clearly a dominant force in the NFC, the Bears are critically injured, on life support, and currently lying beneath the watchful eye of Obamacare’s Death Squads. And it’s just a matter of time before the plug is yanked like the cord on a lawnmower by his merry band of Socialistic Nazis.
Translated into bible-speak, we’ve entered NFL Purgatory, where the days are long and the nights are longer – and often involve water-boarding. And without first or second round draft picks next year, it could be much longer, as there’s a good chance we’ll be remanded to the Rebuilding section. So not only does it look like we’re not going to be getting to those 72 virgins anytime soon, but it appears as though God has taken up Jihad against the Bears.
We ended the first quarter tied 0-0. We’d been out-gained 144 yards to 18, and 8 first downs to none, but we kept Minn out of the end zone, and Cutler hadn’t thrown an INT. In fact, he hadn’t even thrown an incompletion (he was 3 for 3 at that point). But then Minn scored a TD on their first play of the second quarter. Cutler responded, completing his next 4 passes, then followed his first incompletion with a TD pass. Tied 7-7, the Butler was 8 for 9 with a QBR of 133 – 13 points higher than Favre (9 for 14) after 3 drives each. But then God unleashed the fury with 12 minutes left in the half.
We fumbled a kick return, Cutler threw 2 picks, and by the time the dust settled, we’d given up 17 unanswered points. And as we headed to half-time down 24-7, we had more yardage than we would at game’s end. In the second half, Minn won the time of possession battle 24:00 to 6:00, which means they had the ball four times as much as the Bears. And in four possessions in the second half, the Bears ran only 13 plays and gained a total of -3 yds.
Oscar-nominated actor Bret Favre (Something About Mary) threw for more yards (392) than he has in 5 years, and his QBR (112.5) was just his seventh best this year. The Defense allowed 537 yards, the most since the strike season in ‘82. To put that into perspective, the Spare Bears only allowed 26 points that game – and they won. The only defensive positive was keeping Adrian Peterson relatively quiet. At 25 carries for 85 yds (3.4 a carry), he was well below his season (4.9) and career (5.1) averages. Yippee.
Special Sauce
The only squad that showed up Sunday was Special Teams. Johnny Knox and Danieal Manning combined for 248 yards on 8 kick returns, with Knox averaging over 40 yds on 3 returns. But of course, because we suck, it all went for naught.
The Cutler Identity
The Butler started 12 for 13, and was doing really well until that first pick. The second was a deflection after a missed pass interference call when the defender obviously hit our receiver before the ball arrived – that is, it was obvious to everyone except the refs. That’s two weeks in a row that’s happened to us. And Cutlerberry didn’t get another chance in the first half. Or the second. He was only 2 for 3 for 6 yards the entire second half (which is probably why he stopped throwing picks). He finished 18 for 23 (78.3%) for 147 yds, 1 TD, 2 INT, and a 71.6 QBR – a favre cry from Favre’s 32 for 48 (66.7%) for 392 yds, 3 TD, 0 INT, and 112.5 QBR.
Doubt-look
With 5 games left, winning out is the only way to get over .500. But in order to win out, we’d have to be able to win one. And in order to do that, we’d have to demonstrate some semblance of football skill. And we haven’t done that in a month. So we have about as good a chance at advancing to the post season as the Reverend Wright has of negotiating a treaty between Hamas and the Jews. OK, maybe not that good of a chance.
Bear down, and don’t forget to recycle!
© 2009
Bear Down Baffa 
Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 9:44 am |
I am officially “that guy” who watches the car wreck on the side of the road. In fact, I am in the car wreck on the side of the road. Actually, I’m trapped in that car on the side of the road, hoping for some crazed, hottie blonde to bash in the back window with a 5 iron. Or, bash me in the face with the 5 iron for actually sitting through the entire Bear/Viking game. Here’s my solution, which means absolutely nothing, unless Bears President Ted Phillips reads this blog (it could happen)……hire Bill Cowher (he wants the job), hire Charlie Weis as the Offensive Coordinator, and Romeo, Romeo, whereforartthou, Romeo Crennel as the D Coordinator (but only if these former Patriots film their opponents signals and use it against them in games) and hope for the best. Otherwise, we are about to witness the late ’70s Bears again, when we wasted another potential hall of fame quarterback…………Vince Evans.
LikeLike
Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 4:38 pm |
I’m with Donny G in the fact that I watched what was to be a demoralizing and horrendous display of “football” by what used to be our beloved Bears. I think we’re all masochists by watching that horse pucky and should be whipped by a dominatrix dressed in a Favre jersey. That should: A) once and for all make us realize this season is completely futile and spend those 3 hours on Sunday with family and friends at church or, B) see that we have a dominatrix fetish and spend our 3 hours a week getting smacked around by a hot broad in leather. Either way, it would be better then wasting that time on the Bears or their husk as it may be.
We’re in a dilly of a pickle too as we don’t have the draft choices you mentioned as well as we’re basically stuck with Lovie (and most likely his crew) for another 2 years, or have to pay out $15 mil. There really isn’t any reason to grab Charlie Weis and pay him a ton after firing Ron Turner if Lovie is still head coach but only for another year. If we’re going to rebuild we’ll have to trade away our top guys to get some young guys and draft choices to start over. I’m still on Cutler’s side and I think he’s just trying to do too much with too little and so the 20 INTs (which half are from dropped/bobbled balls anyway). We’d be better off lining up a tackling dummy in place of Orlando Pace; I think Cutler would have maybe .5 more seconds to throw. He’s an embarrassment in the likes of Reggie Jackson and Mickey Mantle in their twilights.
In the words of Troy Aikman commenting on the Bears play a few weeks ago, “I thought they played high school football on Friday nights”. Ouch…
LikeLike
Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 6:39 pm |
guys,
thanks for reading, and thanks for starting your own blogs on my blog.
i don’t want charlie worse, who over-charged ND to submerge its program in fecal matter. and i don’t want crennel, who brashly claimed in a coors light commercial that he’s never been turned down by a woman (yeah, right!).
cowher i can handle, but only if he takes speech lessons first. i also like gruden. but my #1 candidate is shanahan, who has 2 rings and coached cutler when he went to a pro bowl in denver.
btw, vince evans IS a hall of fame QB in my book.
bear down!
bdb editor
LikeLike
Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 9:25 pm |
Dear bdb editor:
I want to apologize for hijacking your blog with my own blog within a blog. I did not mean to hurt your girl feelings. I should know better by now.
PS – I truly only wish I could blog as good as you blog for blog’s sake!
PPS – “Hey dad, where should I put this rake?”
LikeLike
Mon, Nov 30, 2009 at 10:52 pm |
G,
there is no need for aplogies. it wasn’t a complaint. it was an acknowledgement of your (and razy’s) steadfast commitment to the ideals of our blog: freedom of speech, the Bears, and freedom to speak about the Bears. so hijack, or sub-blog, away. unless, maybe, YOUR girl feelings were hurt. did you ever think about that?
bear down!
bdb editor
PS – if you want, you can have my blog. i’m being totally serious right now. you can give it away, or leave it in an alley somewhere, i don’t care. ha-ha, no, i’m only joking. but seriously, it’s yours if you want it.
LikeLike
Tue, Dec 1, 2009 at 1:50 am
Dear Donny G and brb editor-
Sorry for blogging within a blog that was on a blog but blogging seems a little overused as I was not blogging but merely blogging within a blog that was on a blog. In the future, I will refrain from blogging, blogging within a blog, or blogging within a blog within a blog.
Blog on you bloggers’ blogs later,
Razy the non-blogger
LikeLike