Bear Down Baffa

The Bears flew down to Nashville to do two things:  drink some beer and kick some ass.  As it turned out, they forgot the beer.  But they did remember to bring Peanut “Brittle” Tillman.  And unlike weeks passed, the Bears came out like the ass of a guy with diarrhea who just ate hot sauce while sitting on a live volcano – on fire.  Hello!

Tennessee faded into obscurity as just another team demolished by the Bears

Sunday’s game was over almost as soon as it started, and it just might have had something to do with many Bears players sporting mustaches.  On Tennessee’s first play, Peanut forced a fumble that Urlacher recovered.  Then Sherrick “Who’s My Favorite Bear?  That’s Easy, Jim” McManis blocked a punt that Corey Wootton “And Hollerin” returned for a TD on their tenth play.  Urlacher got his first pick-6 of the season on their 21st play, and Peanut forced another fumble that Chris “Christie” Conte recovered on their 22nd play, giving us our third turnover in the first 13 minutes.  When the dust settled, we were up 28-2 before the first quarter ended.

Peanut played keep away with the ball all day

It was a wacky first quarter, even for a defense that takes the ball away like an orchiectomist (that’s a word I made up for a doctor who performs orchiectomies, which is testicular removal).  There were 30 points, 3 turnovers, a safety, a blocked punt returned for a TD, a pick-6, and 2 Bears offensive TD’s – and there were still 7 punts!  In all, there were 14 possessions, and then only 3 in the second quarter, and 16 total in the last three quarters.

Tenn QB Hasselbeck was so distraught, he even yelled at his jersey

The Bears scored the most points ever in any opening quarter in their history.  In our first seven games combined, the Bears had only scored 30 total points in the first quarter.  And if you don’t count the Detroit game, it was just 20.  The final of 51 points was the Bears highest total since 1980.  And their team record 7 pick-6’s is the most in the first eight weeks of any team in NFL history.

“Peanuting” is like Tebowing – except with talent and execution

Offense:  Get Your Motor Runnin’
The offense had 358 total yards, were 6 for 14 on third downs, and scored 37 points.  After punting on our first 2 drives, and allowing a safety on our third, our drives went like this:  1. TD, 2. TD, 3. FG, 4. Fumble, 5. Punt, 6. FG, 7. FG, 8. TD, 9. TD, 10. Run out clock.  Granted we started in Titan territory on 4 of those drives, but 3 of our drives went 65 yards or more.  And we even completed a pass to a lineman!  In all, a solid day.

Lance Louis “Vuitton” got his first career catch

Cutler started off slowly again, going 1 for 4 for 2 yards.  But completed 18 of his last 22 passes (81.8%) for an average of 10.3 yards per attempt.  He had another fumble, and is now responsible for all 12 Bear turnovers, throwing 8 picks and fumbling 4 times.  But since throwing 4 picks in the GB game, the Butler has only thrown 3 INT’s on 179 passes in his last six games.  He finished 19 of 26 (73.1%) for 229 yards, 8.8/ attempt, 3 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a 138.1 QBR – arguably his fourth best game as a Bear.

Cutler looked sharp, even completing this pass to a cameraman

Matt “Gettin ‘Er Done Is My” Forte had 103 yards on only 12 carries (8.8 per), the second time he’s gone over 100 yards this season.  He had one run for 46 yards, caught a screen pass for 47 yards, and also found the end zone for the third time this year.

Forte even stiff-armed guys behind him

Brandon “Marshall, Marshall” Marshall had another 9 catches (third time this year) for 122 yardss and a career-best 3 TD’s.  He now has 59 catches, 797 yards and 7 TD’s – each more than any Bear WR had all of last year.  And this puts him on pace for 118 catches, almost 1,600 yards and 14 TD’s – all of which would be Bear single season records.

The state of TN tried enacting “Marshall” Law, but failed miserably

Defense:  Head Out On The Highway
What can be said about a student who gets straight A’s, has perfect attendance AND bangs his teacher?  That’s what the Bears report card looked like on Sunday.  Peanut Tilman (NFC defensive player of the month in October, and soon to be Chicago mayoral candidate) had 9 tackles and forced 4 fumbles, leading us to 5 turnovers and great field position all game.

Peanut took time to thank the troops, the few people whom he didn’t strip

We allowed 333 total yards and 18 points, but 80 and 8 of that came on one play in the fourth quarter when our second string was in.  Tennessee had 8 drives in the first quarter, and none of them went more than 3 plays before they turned it over or punted.  We held them to 3 for 12 on third downs, but only had 2 sacks.  Tennessee never got going until the game was already over.  Urlacher had a forced fumble and a fumble recovery to go with his pick-6.  Our defense has now given up only 9 offensive TD’s while scoring 7 themselves.  They may be the lowest scoring “offense” in the NFL, but not by much.

Knee?!  He don’t need no stinking knee!

Special Teams:  Looking for Adventure
Blocking a punt and returning it for a TD – especially for the first points of the game – is a pretty big contribution.  Devin “Almost Seven” Hester had a 44-yard punt return that gave us the ball on Tennessee’s 8, and set up our first offensive TD one play later.  And “Ricky” Robbie Gould was 3 for 3 on FG’s, 6 for 6 on PAT’s and had 15 points – the third most of his career.  After two rough weeks, he’s back on pace for a career-high in scoring (148).

Unfamiliar with scoring, Wootton asks ref what to do next

Outlook:  And Whatever Comes Our Way
The Bears walked over the first half of their season schedule with ease.  We have yet to beat anyone of note, and only one team that we’ve beaten has a winning record (Indy is 5-3).  But you don’t get to be 7-1 (and break records on a weekly basis) without being a pretty solid squad.

Tenn’s Washington: “Will somebody hold onto the fucking ball already?!”

The second half of our schedule is going to be tough, but it will be a great test for us to show what we’re really capable of.  We host 7-1 Houston (whose only loss also came against GB) on Sunday night, and then we go to 6-2 San Fran the following Monday.  Both could be critical in securing home field advantage during the playoffs.

Peanut tried his hand at photography as well

“Best Ever” Comparison
The ’85 Bears stifled offenses.  The ‘12 Bears stifle offenses – and score points.  Compared to that devastating team, here are some interesting stats through 8 games (with the ‘85 team’s listed first).  Points Allowed: 14.25 – 15.  Takeaways: 29 – 28.  Rushing Yards Allowed: 80 – 88.  And Defensive TD’s: 2 – 7.  This year’s D has taken things to a whole new level, and I’m betting there’s plenty more to come.

The Bears even made Tenn’s Williams cry – quick, somebody check his cup for a vagina!

Quotes to Note
Lovie on the defense:  “It was a frenzy out there, really, taking the ball away.  That’s what we are.  That’s what the guys believe they can do every play.  And that’s the mindset.”

Lovie on Cutler returning to his college stomping grounds:  “You want to come home like that, have that type of game.”

Lovie: “Guys, there’s a fan that hasn’t been stripped yet.  Somebody go get that ball!”

Culter on the defense:  “Those guys have been in the system for a long time, and they’re playing it to perfection.  It’s really a thing of beauty.”

Cutler on the Bears fans contingency at the game:  “You know you have a ton of fans when you’re in an away stadium, in the red zone, and I’m trying to get the crowd to hush up, and they’re responding.  They got quiet in a hurry.”

Lance “Bass” Briggs on Peanut:  “33 right now, man, I’m telling you right now.  He’s defensive player of the year.  Ya know, I think hands down, right now, there’s no one playing better than him….Peanut, man, Peanut all day.  I think, ya know, we’re all seeing history being made.  I’ve never seen anybody who’s able to do what he’s able to do, and do it so consistently.”

Peanut kissed babies and shook hands after the game to kick-off his mayoral run

SUPER BOWL, SUPER BEARS!

© 2012

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