Bear Down Baffa

The Chicago Bears’ backs were against the wall.  You know, the one Trump is going to make the Mexicans build?  We hadn’t won in 10 months, had lost 4 straight and 6 straight at home – where we’d never lost 7 straight.  And we hadn’t beaten Detroit (sucks!) in 6 tries, since Lovie Smith was calling inappropriate timeouts and challenging the wrong plays in his Bear’s finale in 2012.  But while Cutler may have been out sucking his thumb, Brian “#2” Hoyer made like an illegal alien and dug a tunnel under that wall, and broke all of those streaks at once.  Our only hope is that he doesn’t get deported in the next five months –  that’s right, the Super Bowl is in five months!

Hoyer asks Jay if he wants to come in to see what it’s like to win

The Low Down
We scored first, led at the end of the first quarter, and at the half.  At that point, we’d held Detroit (sucks!) under 100 total yards, and put up 230 ourselves, while doubling them in time of possession (20 minutes to 10).  And since we were able to move the ball running, we didn’t try to do too much, and just kinda waited around for the Lions to hand the game over to us.  Which they did.

When asked how they’re losing to the Bears,
the Lions’ D looked for answers in all directions

Without the Butler to keep giving the ball back like a hot potato, we just held on until Detroit (sucks!) committed their typical 2 turnovers – and 10 penalties.  And without Smegmatron, the Lions made even our rebuilt, inexperienced, half-injured defense look good.  We never relinquished the lead, keeping it for the final 48 minutes – despite giving up a punt return for a TD in the final two minutes, along with the 2-point conversion.  Cutler must’ve called that punt play.

How about that guy there?  He hasn’t picked me off yet!

So much for missing Jay.  Brian “Don’t Look Now, But My Winning Percentage Is 500 Points Higher Than Cutler’s” Hoyer was 28/36 (77.8%) for 302 yards (8.4/attempt), 2 TD’s, no INT’s (or fumbles), and a 120.1 QBR.  That’s 5 more completions on the same number of passes as Stafford, for 90 more yards, 2 more TD’s, 2 fewer INT’s, and more than double the QBR (56.8).  When is the last time Cutler out-threw a QB by that much?  Probably the last time he played Hoyer.

Eddie “He Just A Little Guy” Royal (7 catches, 111 yards and
a TD) was as shocked by the final score as everyone else

Jordan “Replacing Matt Forte Is My New Forte” Howard (23 carries for 111 yards) became the first Bear rookie to run for more than 100 yards since Forte, and he did it in his first career start.  And while his post game Q&A needs some work, he’s averaging over 5 yards per carry over his first 3 NFL games (35 for 178).  Younger, cheaper, and a yard more per rush than Forte.

Even the Lions high-fived Howard’s performance

And defensively, this was the best we’ve looked in probably two years.  I mean, they flew on the field, got on down, and GOT IT ON!  Overall, we held them to just 66 yards rushing, and kept them under 200 passing, allowing 130 fewer total yards than last week.  We also got 2 sacks.  That’s quite a rebound for a squad that’s lost a starter per week.  And happens to stink.

Who the hell do these new guys think
they are, actually making tackles?!

Even our secondary is starting to earn some street cred.  They came up with 2 INT’s, with rookie Deiondre’ “Halas” Hall and 2nd-year player Jacoby “Bryant” Glenn getting their first career pics.  And with Detroit (suck)’s lone TD coming on the punt return, we held them to just 6 offensive points.  That’s pretty dominant no matter how you look at it – yes, even if it’s the Bears, and even if they’re playing the Lions.

Despite really getting our celebrate on, we
suffered no celebration injuries this game

Special Teams?  Well, let’s just focus on what we’re paying them.  Honoring the “Gould Clause” in his contract, which allows him to miss every other FG attempt, Connor “50% Of The Time, I Make It Every Time” Barth missed another FG attempt before making one.  But the one he made turned out to be the game-winner, so I’m not calling ISIS on him just yet.

Barth Bag to Fox: “I made 1 out of 2 – we’re good, right?”

Outlook
Wow, it feels good to win, doesn’t it?!  Take a moment to bask in it.  Go ahead, treat yourselves.  Because we need to enjoy this while it lasts!  At 1-3, the W’s may be few and far between this season.  But with 2 weak opponents coming up (@ Indy, JAX), don’t be surprised if we sneak back to .500 before going to GB to start the new losing streak on Thursday, October 20.  Hey, I didn’t say we’d be in the Super Bowl convo for long, did I?

Zach “There’s No I In Team, But There Is An I In
Celebration” Miller celebrating the “I” in celebration

Quotes of Note
Jim Miller on the win: “Well, it wasn’t a masterpiece, but…I think (they’re) a team that needed a win like this to validate all the hard work that they’ve been putting in at Halas (Deiondre’) Hall.  ~ Don’t forget the fanbase that’s been putting in work too, Jimmy!

Is it just me, or does it look like this guy is
trying to punt it with an imaginary penis?

Jim Miller on #2: “Brian Hoyer is starting to settle in a little bit.  People forget he had a winning record as a starter before he came in here.  I wouldn’t poo-poo him as a QB.” ~ Hey Jimbo, let’s keep whatever you do with Hoyer and your poo between the three of you, n-k?

Hoyer was hesitant to meet Stafford due to the
rumored post-game QB kiss requirement

Kyle Long on simple math: “Since this team has been together, we haven’t experienced a win together.”  ~ You still haven’t yet, really, because you’re #1 wasn’t there.

See the #1 blurring in the background behind the bright #2?

Kyle Long on his struggle with maintaining two different thoughts at once: “We were 100% invested into this game, so I don’t even know who we play next.” ~ Wow, if that’s all it takes, Kyle, why don’t you invest 100% into every game?!  And then I’ll just email you who we’re playing next after each win?

Detroit (sucks!) fans were well-represented – in the loser section

John Fox on executing: “That had been our problem in the first three games…we didn’t execute for 60 minutes….It helps when you do that.”  ~ It also helps when you play a crappy team who’s best player retired unexpectedly last year, Coach.

Coach Caldwell, when Coach Fox told him the Bears
won this one for the Black Lives Matter movement

Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!

BEAR DOWN!

#HoyerAndTrump2016!

© 2016

This entry was posted on Mon, Oct 3, 2016 at 1:13 am and is filed under e) 2016 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.