The Bears joined a selective group on Sunday. At 1-4, we’re one of few teams that can only make fun of one other team: the 0-5 Cleveland Browns. The Bears were back, breathing new life into their season with some flashes of brilliance from their rebuilt roster, and they had the chance to keep that season alive. But some of the other pieces of that roster showed more of what you’d call flashes of incompetence. And the brightest of those – the thrift shop version of an NFL kicker, a guy who doesn’t even really work here – Connor “I Think I’m Gonna” Barth, officially made everyone want to barf. And that’s what makes this so difficult.
All 3 Bears pictured look like they’re gonna Barth
The Low Down
The good news is that this game was not lost by #2 Brian “Dropping Deuces” Hoyer. He finished 33/43 (77%) for 397, 2 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a 120.0 QBR, just ahead of Andrew Luck’s 28/39 (72%) for 322, 2 TD’s, 0 INT’s and 113.4 QBR. With 522 total yards, Hoyer put us in position to score on 8 of our 10 drives, never turned the ball over, and put up “better than Cutler” numbers. Again. So it wasn’t on him.
The Colts’ gameplan for Cutler, which anticipated
a series of turnovers, didn’t quite work on Hoyer
In 3 starts, “The Deuce” is 91 of 128 (71.0%) for 1,016 yards, 6 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a 110.0 QBR. And he just threw for over 300 yards in 3 straight games, becoming the first Bear to do so since Josh “I Haven’t Done A Thing Since That Run With The Bears” McCown in 2013. That means that not only has Jay NOT done it, but TWO of his backups have, and each in much less action. Hoyer’s already thrown for as many 300-yard games as Cutler did all last year, and he’s one shy of Cutler’s Bear-best 4 times in 2014 – and he’s only started 3 games. He’s not winning, but it’s hard to argue with those numbers.
Who chooses Hoyer over Cutler, raise your hand?
Additionally, our running game is back from the dead. Is that because Cutler is gone? Probably. Jordan “Rushing For Over 100 Yards Is My New Forte” Howard rushed for over 100 yards again (16 for 118, a 7.4 average), keeping his streak of rushing for over 100 yards in every NFL start alive (at 2). He also scored his first career TD. And considering Hoyer wasn’t sacked once all game, it looks like our O-Line is coming around. So it’s not on them either.
Howard may be running away with Rookie of the Year honors
Our defense did their part, too, holding the Colts’ potent offense under 100 yards rushing, and limiting them to only 20 first downs. And we rang up 5 sacks on Luck, with Willie “Get 3 Sacks?” Young getting 3 all by himself. They weren’t perfect, though. They didn’t get any takeaways, gave up almost 400 total yards, and didn’t force a punt it the first half, but Indy punted 3 of their final 6 drives, and had to kick 5 FG’s to win. So this wasn’t on the defense.
Amazingly, despite 5 sacks, no Bears were injured celebrating
Now Let’s Talk About Who’s Fault It Was
Barth Vader had the kind of day that makes fans reminisce about Robbie “Man Did I Really Lose It There At The End Of My Career” Gould. Sure, the box score says Barth-elona was 3 for 4. But the miss, from 54 yards, was actually re-kicked after Indy ran into Barth Bag in what Joe “I Suck” Buck called a “do-over.” And he missed that one from 49, too. He’s now a staggering 5 for 8 (62.5%) on the year. If fingers are being pointed, they’re all pointed at him.
The Colts came up with a new way
to protest during the national anthem
Our leading receiver, Cameron “Don’t Pat Me On The Back Just Yet” Meredith, had 9 catches for 130 yards and scored his first career TD. But he also committed his 2nd career fumble with 3:29 left, when we trailed by 3, giving Indy the ball at our 29. They kicked a quick FG, pushing the lead to 6, and forcing us to reach the end zone with just 2:28 left.
Meredith breaks record for the NFL’s
longest fumble that stayed in bounds
We did get the ball back and had a 3rd-and-5 at the Indy 25 with 1:52 left. But that turned into a 3rd-and-15 at the 35 due to a Bear penalty – our 10th, and probably our most costly. And then we had a 4th-and-8 at the 28 with a minute left. Had we made that re-do FG attempt, or not fumbled, we could’ve kicked a short FG for the tie. But if we didn’t commit so many penalties, maybe we could’ve been kneeling on it for the win. Either way, we had to put it in the end zone, and Hoyer couldn’t do that a 3rd time this week. After all, he’s only our #2.
The only way Indy would’ve lost is if they’d played themselves
Doubtlook
Nope.
Afraid of losing his job, Cutler has been
unsuccesfully practicing throwing left-handed
Quotes of Note
Comcast’s Alex Brown on Meredith’s fumble: “That play right there…that put us in a position where, instead of needing a FG to tie it and take it into overtime, now we need a TD. That’s a lot more pressure on the offense.” ~ What he said.
Luck looking at our sideline to figure out who’s out-throwing him
Coach Fox, when a reporter said, “Tell us a little about Justin Howard:” “I think it’s Jordan Howard. Yeah. He’s a good young player. Big, physical, he’s got good vision. And he’s got a bright future.” ~ Way to stick it to that dumbass by going old school cliché, coach!
Luck does a double-take when he realizes it
wasn’t Cutler that threw for over 300 yards
Coach Fox on Barth: “The kicker missed one kick…it was plus 50. I don’t know if that was his forte coming in.” ~ Uhm, first of all, the re-kick was under 50. And secondly, if kicking isn’t his (Matt) forte, then why did you cut your kicker and sign this tool as his replacement?!
Cutler: “OK, so whatever you do, don’t throw for over 300 yards.”
Comcast’s Moon Mullin: “Unfortunately, they kind of replaced those first half mistakes with…some (second half) ones. And you know they’re not good enough to overcome them.” ~ Unfortunately, Moon, your post game analysis isn’t good enough to overcome your mom.
OK, I’ll put on every random piece of Bears gear I own –
but it’ll look totally planned out!
Mullin continued: “You saw the penalties set them back, then you see the defense, what looked like a real breakdown with Chris Prosinski in the deep middle, kind of remnants of Chris Conte.” ~ Yes, so it’s not just me who sees a connection between those two jackwagons!
Where’s Robbie?
Comcast’s Jim Miller, when asked for his “impressions of what #2 provided:” “He’s been productive, and how can you deny how well he’s played and just how the offense is functioning. They did come up a little short today.” ~ Yes, Jimmy, you can’t deny that he’s gone 1-2 so far.
Even Luck respects “The Deuce”
BEAR DOWN?
#RespectTheDeuce
© 2016
Bear Down Baffa 
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