Bear Down Baffa

I know the election is still a week away, but Jay Cutler is already making America great again.  And he’s starting in Chicago.  In his 100th game as a Bear, a Monday night Halloweener, Jay showed up in full costume, dressed up as a starting QB, and quickly reminded everyone what an NFL arm looks like.  In a game with 0 turnovers, only 3 penalties, and 2 Culter incompletions that hit Alshon “The Helmet” Jeffery in the helmet (1 in the back, 1 in the front), the Bears rallied around Jay and played a solid 55 minutes.  And that was enough to make the Butler 51-49 as a Bear.  Or as Trump would call him, the greatest in the world.

Cutler: “Don’t you worry, Chicago, daddy’s got this.”

The Low Down
We came out downright scary in the first half, holding Minni to 98 yards and 3 points.  We also got 3 sacks, and we made them punt 5 times, 4 of which were on 3-and-outs.  Other than their lone scoring drive, which took 14 plays (and a Bear penalty on a 3rd down where we got 1 of our 2 sacks on that drive), they averaged less than 2 yards a play.  The Vikes should’ve had -3 points.

Bradford literally looked like he was going to shit
himself, and you could hear him screaming on TV

And while the D was giving them the business, Cutler was busy scoring on 3 of our 5 first-half drives.  He led us to 13 points and 234 total yards at the half, while going 10 of 17 (59%) for 135 yards, 0 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a 84.2 QBR.  At that point, Conner “I Think I’m Gonna” Barth had kicked as many FG’s (2) as Patrick “I Hope He Doesn’t Barth On Me” O’Donnell did punts.

Barth counts his FG attempts on his finger so he
knows which ones to make and which ones to miss

In the second half, Jay came out with an 11-play, 75-yard TD drive, throwing just his 2nd TD pass of the year, and putting us up by 3 scores.  We shut it down after that, throwing just 6 times the rest of the way while Jordan “Does Anyone Still Miss Forte?” Howard continued toward his 153 yards rushing.  He also had 50 receiving yards, scored a TD, and took out Forte’s trash – all of which led to him being named NFC Offensive Player of the Week today.

Seriously, 200+ total yards and a TD –
for millions less than Forte?  I’ll take it!

Cutler finished 20 of 31 (65%) for 252 yards, 1 TD, 0 turnovers, and a 100.5 QBR.  He didn’t throw for 300 yards, but he put 20 points on the board in just 35 minutes – something Hoyer’s only been able to do once in 5 full games.  Anyone that still thinks “The Deuce” is the answer to any question other than “Who’s your #2 QB?” needs to just stop.

O-Line: “Who the hell is back there throwing the ball so hard!?”

And while the offense was gaining over 400 yards and running out the clock, the defense got 2 more punts, and only gave up 1 TD in garbage time with 5 minutes left.  Overall, we limited them to 250 yards and 10 points, while 7 different defenders had at least 4 tackles, and 4 different guys were part of our 5 sack total.  They were so dominant, the Vike’s Offensive Coordinator Norv Turner resigned today.  (*Note:  Previous statement is actual and factual.)

Akiem “A Saw, A Conquered” Hicks was not
injured while high-fiving himself after his 2nd sack

What’s With The Butler’s Uni?
Has anyone else noticed something different about Jay’s uniform this season?  Post a comment here with what you think it is.  The first correct responder will be entered in a live drawing to be included in a raffle to enter a lottery for an all-expenses-paid trip to this year’s Super Bowl.  (* Some restrictions may apply.)
* Only if the Bears reach the Super Bowl.
** And they play Cleveland (currently 0-8).
*** And Trump wins the election.
**** And Trump picks Christie Kreme as his Secretary of Sweets.
***** And Hillary goes to jail.

I don’t know what it is, but it’s like there are signs
everywhere telling me the Bears are on the comeback

Outlook
Sure, we’re 2-6 and the season’s already over.  But is it, really?  Minni is in 1st place, and after beating them, we’re only 3 wins out.  And we’re only 2 behind GB and Detroit (sucks!).  Remember, we’re in a rebuild, and we’ve been playing a backup QB for 5 weeks.  But now we’re on the upswing with some new guys stepping up, and there’s plenty of football left – we still have half a season to catch up.

Cutler:  “I am not a Deuce.”

And our defense is getting really good.  We’ve allowed just 9 first half points in our last 3 games, and we’re rated in the top 10 in yards allowed.  And we are going to continue getting better.  When you add in a healthy Cutler, an O-Line that is ironing itself out, and a solid running game, it may be a little later than hoped, but it’s coming together.

Our D was so good, they even got a few
Vikings to start tackling other Vikings

We get our bye this coming week, and then we play 8 straight Sundays at noon.  And our second half schedule isn’t imposing, with our opponents’ combined records being 29-29-1 (and that includes 5-2 Minni).  We should be able to win at least half of them straight up.  But if our defense gets some turnovers, maybe a score, Jeffery starts catching the ball again, and Barth continues to make more than every other kick, we could win 6 and finish 8-8.  And in our division this year, that could be enough.

This FB post is from Monday night before the game started:

I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’

Quotes of Note
Comcast’s Kip Lewis: “You could see the energy and the effort and the enthusiasm of this team.  I think it showed that they wanted to come out and show that they’re a good team… (pauses, looks down, cranks neck) …Maybe not a good team, but that they weren’t going to lay down.” ~ On live TV he said this.  Ouch.

Coach Fox trying a new technique – distracting them
with the Jazz kick, THEN grabbing them by the pussy

Lewis, showing he wasn’t done with the insults: “Let’s talk about Jay a little bit.  He did look a little bit rusty, kind of made some bad decisions throwing into coverage.” ~ I’ll take “What Game Was He Watching?” for 400, Alex.

Bears players react when told the last one in has
to let Coach Fox practice his Jazz kick on them

Comcast’s Chris Boden, in his best Trump voice, “Enjoy the locker room, guys!” ~ Hey, what does this guy think happens in locker rooms?!

OK, one time.  Heads for Hillary, Tails for Trump!

Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!

#Cutler-MakingAmericaGreatAgain

© 2016

This entry was posted on Wed, Nov 2, 2016 at 6:27 pm and is filed under e) 2016 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.