Bear Down Baffa

Leave it to the Bears to lose by winning.  Against the backdrop of Chicago’s first snowfall of the season, they got their 3rd win.  But they got it from the 1-10 49ers, the only NFC team with fewer wins than us.  If we had lost, we’d be tied with them for the 15th worst record in the NFC (2-10).  Instead, we’re now 2 wins up, and all but guaranteed to draft behind them.  Even worse, we could now draft behind the 3-win Jets, or even the 4-win Rams and Panthers.  So enjoy the W, Chicago.  Cause it’s gonna cost us come April.

SF should’ve been the ones celebrating our scores

The Low Down
It started like it was going to be a battle for the worst spot in the conference.  Our first 4 drives went: punt, punt, blocked punt, fumbled kick return.  At that point, we’d gained 45 yards, hadn’t completed a pass, and trailed 6-0.  But then everything changed, and the draft question went out the window.  The 9ers never scored again, even bringing in a backup QB, while we went on to our highest scoring game of the season.  It was almost as if they were letting us win.

Kaepernick spent time on his knee before – and during – this one

Jordan “Rushing For TD’s Is Apparently My New Matt Forte” Howard scored a TD on our next drive, giving us a 7-6 halftime lead.  He then scored TD’s on our first 2 second-half drives, making it 3 straight in under 10 minutes.  He ran for over 100 yards (117) for the 5th time and now has 6 TD’s.  And he’s doing this without a passing threat.  Given the way our season has gone, he’ll probably tear an ACL next week.  Or two.

Win and draft spots aside, this was Howard’s coming out party

We managed to play a complete game overall.  Matt “El Doce” Barkley was 11/18 (61%) for 192 yards, 0 TD’s, 0 INT’s and a 97.5 QBR, managing the game with 0 turnovers.  Barth Bag kicked a FG in the 4th quarter to push the lead to 18 after making all 3 XPT’s (he’s sure to miss one next week).  And after Gabbert (SF’s “Deuce”) came in, Leonard “Nimoy” Floyd threw in a safety to give us a season-high 26 points.  It’s amazing how everyone steps up when the competition sucks.

Their “Deuce” was penalized for dropping a deuce in the end zone

And our defense was solid.  Though both teams ran for 140 yards, the Bears limited SF to just 5 net passing yards.  We wound up with 184 from our 3rd stringer, so the snow couldn’t have been that obstructive.  Overall, we held the 9ers to just 5 receptions, forced 8 punts, and got 6 sacks.  Akiem “A Saw, A Conquered” Hicks led us with 10 tackles and 2 sacks.  Comcast’s Alex Brown thinks Hicks should win NFC Defensive Player of the Week.  I think someone should remind Brown who Hicks was playing against.

NFC DPOTW Hicks (#96) was on Kaepernick like Fox News

Doubtlook
Since the pre-season, every 4 games we’ve played have shown the same pattern:  we lose 3 in a row and then win the 4th.  This has now happened 4 times.  See for yourselves:

L, L, L, W.  Repeat.

Following this trend, we’d finish the season 4-12, probably drafting 5th overall.  From here, I guess it’s now just a matter of rooting that we don’t win that last game.  It’s a battle for the 4th worst record to get that 4th spot in the draft.  So now it’s all about 4th place!

Quotes of Note
Announcer last week: “The Bears are the only team in the league that has failed to score 24 points in any game this season.” ~ Looks like the Bears heard this guy.  Or SF is just that bad.  I’m going with the latter.

I mean, you have to figure he also goes full bush, no?

Willie “Make Any Sense” Young, when asked what the Bears would do going forward: “Man, just continue to do what we’ve been doing since week 1.  Uhm.  Besides the L part, ya know?” ~ Uhm.  Yeah, no.  I don’t know what that means.

Jesus H, I hope this guy isn’t starting for us week 1 next year!

BEAR DOWN?

#4thPlace!4thPlace!

© 2016

This entry was posted on Mon, Dec 5, 2016 at 12:14 am and is filed under e) 2016 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.