The Lions may be in first place, but everyone knows what their organization is really about: blowing games. Those colors showed on Sunday when Stafford, as if on a dare, handed the Bears the lead late in the 4th quarter. But the Bears, who’ve collectively tucked back their sacks this season in favor of the draft, were having none of it. When our first effort wasn’t good enough to lose, we took it up a notch. Relying on late penalties, and a general incompetence on both sides of the ball, we gave the lead back, ensuring we would lose to them at their own game. And in doing so, we moved up a spot in the draft. It’s our one fallback this year – the worse the Bears play, the better it is for fans. So when they achieve elite level sucking like this, it’s a particularly good week for Bear Nation!
Even Stafford couldn’t believe the Bears out-Lionsed the Lions
The Low Down
We scored first, trailed by 7 at the half, and by 13 late in the 3rd quarter. We were right on track for our loss. But momentarily forgetting the game plan, Matt “El Doce” Barkley put one in the end zone, cutting the lead to 3. In an effort to pick him up, our D committed a 23-yard penalty on Detroit’s next drive to give them a 1st down at our 15. But Stafford wasn’t going to take lying down lying down, so he threw a pick in the end zone.
The Bears had a hand in Stafford’s sub-par day,
but it was mostly just Stafford being his Lion self
El Doce isn’t quite as experienced at bombing as Stafford, but he did manage to get sacked on 3rd down so we could punt it back to them. But Stafford’s an old pro, and he was not going to be out-sucked. So he threw a ball right into the hands of Cre’von “I Think ‘Friends’ Should’ve Had A Better Spinoff For Matt” LeBlanc, who returned his 1st carer INT 24 yards to put the Bears up by 4 with 7 minutes to play. The battle of ineptitude was being transported to another level.
LeBlanc – clearly unaware of our plan to blow this one at all costs
Luckily, we wouldn’t hold the lead for long. Though Stafford has played well against the rest of the league (25 TD’s and 3 INT’s in 11 games), he finished with just 1 TD and 4 picks against the Bears this year. So the Bears D didn’t want to leave it to chance. They decided to help him march his team 76 yards for another score by committing 2 penalties, and letting Stafford himself trot in from the 19 while 5 defenders waved at him. We were really putting up a solid losing effort.
Yes, he actually scored standing up on this play
But we saved our “best” for last. We got the ball back at our 25, down 3, with 3:17. Not to make it too obvious, we moved the ball a little, and got a 1st down at the Detroit 43 with 0:58 left. But then we went for broke. Our 27-yard completion (a 1st down at their 16) was called back on a holding penalty (a 37 yard loss). And on the next play, our 23-yard completion (a 1st down at their 30) was also called back on a holding penalty (a 33 yard loss). It was so Lion-esque.
To slow the drive, Doce pointed out penalties on his own lineman
So despite completing 2 passes for 50 yards (which would’ve reached the end zone), we were back at our own 37, facing 1st-and-30, with only 37 seconds left. So what did we do? We threw a 5 yard pass. And on 2nd-and-25? An incompletion. 3rd-and-25? A 14-yard completion. Oops! And with the game on the line on 4th-and-11? Incomplete. The Lions must’ve really been impressed by our squad. I mean, across the board, we really shat every square inch of the bed in this one.
It’s almost as if Doce knew I wanted a pic of him
looking like he was dropping a deuce on the field
Doubtlook
The Jets (4-9) won, so we (3-10) move into sole possession of the #4 spot in the draft. Woo-hoo! We trail #1 Cleveland (0-13), #2 SF (1-12) and #3 JAX (2-11). L.A. is 4-9, and 4 teams are 5-8 (SD, PHI, NO and CAR), so we really can’t afford to win another one. Which is great news for us because we’ve really seemed to master losing this season!
Pat “Pimp Hands” O’Donnell signaling to Barth Bag
with both hands that it’s “OK” to make this kick
Quotes of Note
Coach Fox: “Our margin for error right now is very minimal.” ~ Minimal is bad, but VERY minimal? That sounds so absolute. Like if we make one mistake, we’ll automatically lose. That’s not a lot of faith, people. And that’s our head coach.
Coach Fox has 2 rules for his security staff: 1. Have less hair
than Fox, and 2. Walk in cadence with Fox wherever he goes.
Coach Fox, kind of admitting he’s playing for the draft: “There’s a certain kind of way you play, and our guys are doing a good job with that. They’re just a little bit short, we don’t play quite well enough to win consistently.” ~ I thought throwing games was like Fight Club, coach, where the first rule is that you don’t talk about it?
Seriously, Bears? Special Teams? And the antlers?! This
should never have happened, let alone been shared publicly.
Coach Fox, when asked a question that I could not make out: “Just short of winning. Kinda like the rest of us.” ~ I’m going to presume they asked him how well the McCaskey’s wished the team would perform today.
Eeew, Ditka would puke on his stogie
BEAR DOWN?
#JustShortOfWinning
© 2016
Bear Down Baffa 
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