Bear Down Baffa

If you sat on a jury in a game-fixing case against Mike “ESPN 8 – The Ocho” Glennon, and the only evidence was video of Sunday’s first half, you’d have no choice but to vote guilty.  And to seek the death penalty.  Now, I’m not saying the Ocho is a traitor sent here to sabotage the Bears – that’d be like sending a rat to sink a sinking ship.  But what I am saying is that if Glennon were a saboteur, he would’ve played exactly how he did yesterday.  That’s how bad he was.  It was like he was literally trying to pass the torch to Trubisky, except Tampa kept intercepting it.

Ocho wears 2 jocks cuz he has so much trouble holding onto his balls

The Low Down
Seriously, the Ocho is not a pro QB.  Our first-half drives went like this:  INT, fumble, fumble, Pick-6, Punt.  Yes, our O wasn’t even good enough to achieve a punt until our fifth possession, or as Trump said, “There were some very fine offenses on both sides.”  And this was against a team that didn’t play last week because of hurricane Irma, and fielded a defense with Chris “I Got Cut From A Trestman Defense” Conte.

Glennon, after looking at a replay on the video board:
“Jesus, even f-ing Conte has his guy covered?!”

Tampa, on the other hand, scored every time they touched the ball in the first half.  Even when they didn’t, they still did.  When Tarik “Hey, Anybody Want This?” Cohen fumbled their only punt right back to them on our 13, Tampa scored a TD on the next play.  We trailed 26-0 at halftime, and the Bucs missed a PAT, so it should’ve been 27.  And that’s to a team that fired Lovie Smith and started their re-build 2 years after we did.

And they made this sign before Irma even hit!

We did score a late TD, but it took 3 straight drives with a 1st down in the redzone before we got it.  Glennon was completely out-classed by “Crab Legs” Winston – the very guy drafted to replace him in TB.  Think about that.  If nothing else, this matchup made it painfully clear that the Bears should go with the guy WE drafted to replace him.  And Ocho shouldn’t just be benched, he should be released.  And if they’re taking suggestions, I propose he also gets the hockey stick treatment that Billy Mahoney gave Kiefer Sutherland in “Flatliners.”

Glennon:  “Man, Chicago sure was nice…”

Doubtlook
We really should’ve just thrown in the towel at halftime.  If the Troubadour had come in, we could’ve at least made some progress as a team, but all the second half did was open us up to more injuries.  You know it’s bad when Zach “Wait, I’m The Healthy One?” Miller is the healthy one.  The good news (wait, there’s good news?!) is that we’re losing and Ocho stinks.  This game won’t break the camel’s back (or in Glennon’s case, the giraffe’s), but it is another big straw.  And that moves us one step closer to Trubisky.

This game was so one-sided that a Craps game broke out
at mid-field, and apparently this TB defender hit a hard-8

Quotes of Note
Announcer after the 1st quarter:  “That’s the third turnover of this first half by the Bears.  They’re digging themselves a big hole.” ~ Yes, they’re digging a hole, but that ain’t news.  It’s the same hole they’ve been digging since they released Urlacher, which was ironically “54” months ago (March, 2013).

FB Michael “Bolton” Burton’s motto:  “Family first, hair second”

Announcer after the 3rd quarter:  “It’s now 29-0.  The Buccaneers lead the Bears in a route.  Turnovers are telling the story.” ~ New Bear players.  Same Bear story.  Sad.

People, our opponents are now smiling for pics during Pick-6’s!

Glennon:  ”Four turnovers in the first half…three of those fall on me.” ~ Wait, did this turnover machine mofo just throw shade at Cohen?!

Glennon, after that comment: “I can’t believe I just said that.”

Coach Fox:  “It was a team defeat, and we all had our hands in it.” ~ You mean everyone except for Trubisky, right Coach?

Fox is now 0-8 (soon to be 0-10) in September with the Bears

BEAR DOWN?

Shit, we STILL have to Bear Down?!

#ShitWeStillHaveToBearDown?!

© 2017

This entry was posted on Mon, Sep 18, 2017 at 6:02 pm and is filed under d) 2017 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.