Bear Down Baffa

The 2017 Chicago Bears are officially done.  In a must-win, despite being favored over Green Bay for the first time in 9 years, we found yet another way to blow it:  via challenge flag.  What was already the dumbest coaching challenge ever wound up backfiring, taking points off the board, and the ball out of our hands.  It makes you question whether Coach “Captain Bonehead” Fox can be trusted with the remote control, let alone an NFL team.  So I’m calling for him to be “Trumped” immediately, meaning he should be fired, disparaged repeatedly on Twitter, and then investigated for colluding with Russia.

That right there is our season – dying on the goal line

The Low Down
Down 7 in the 2nd quarter, Trubisky threw a screen to Benny “Hana” Cunningham, who scampered 25 yards before diving for the pylon.  Ruled out at the 2, Coach “I’m An Old Man, I’m Confused” Fox challenged the spot.  After a review, they changed the ruling to a fumble.  So not only did we leave points on the board for the 2nd straight game (see: Zach “One Knee” Miller), but when the ball hit the pylon it became a touchback, so we also lost possession.  You’d have to go full-on bullfight to find such irresponsible use of a red fabric.

I mean, his left toe does hit out of bounds before he fumbles –
I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

It reminds me of Lovie “Boneheaded Challenge Master” Smith, who did almost the same thing 7 years ago (see: section entitled, “Losebag Lovie”), because this was an idiotic result to even challenge in the first place.  We just gained 23 yards, and were looking at a 1st-and-goal at the GB 2.  What is there really to gain by challenging?  You can’t gain 2 yards with 4 chances?  It’d be like robbing a bank, then going back the next day asking to review the surveillance video to ensure that you didn’t leave any money behind.

https://twitter.com/_MarcusD2_/status/929819713751875584

The Five Stages of Self-Actualized Stupidity
(along with accompanying body language)

1. Denial (furrowed brow)
2. Confusion (random glances at nothing)
3. Processing (mouth agape)
4. Realization (lip licking followed by swallowing)
5. Acceptance (lengthy blink followed by head drop)

It’s bad enough that we lost to the Pack on the rare occasion that they didn’t suit up a legendary QB, but to do it to ourselves, and in such a monumentally stupid way, it’s simply unforgivable.  And we can’t use “Lt. Pete” Mitchell’s inexperience as an excuse because he lost to A-A-Ron’s backup, who’s thrown exactly 17 more passes than the Troubadour, and also beat him by 14 QBR points despite having to face our defense.

After realizing his blunder, an embarrassed Fox tried to distract
the refs with cries of Obamacare, Benghazi, and Hillary’s emails

Also, Biscuit had weapons this week.  WR Dontrelle “If It’s Out Of Your Pants At Work, Put It Back” Inman led us with 6 catches for 88 yards in his Bear debut.  And returning from injury, Josh “Ask Me How Many Targets I Had, Though” Bellamy had 2 catches for 57 yards and a TD (he was targeted 7 times).  When you add in 7 first-half penalties, and our D giving up 23 points to a backup QB, there’s only one finger to point:  the middle one, at Coach “I Couldn’t Pour Water Out Of A Boot If The Instructions Were On The Heel” Fox.

Nicole Kidman sure loved her some Inman in Cold Mountain

Doubtlook
We lost, and everybody in our division won.  At 3-6, we’re now 4 games behind MIN (7-2), and 2 games behind GB and DET (both 5-4), with only 7 left to play.  So it’s back to PFTD (Playing For The Draft) mode from here on out.  Well, that and getting Truby Tuesday some reps without him getting killed.  Or assaulted by Kevin Spacey.

When it comes to the Bears and Packer QBs, whether it’s an
all-time great, or an as-of-late, it’s always the same story

The good news is that we’re already making PFTD strides.  We let TB (3-6) catch us in the overall NFC rankings (they’ve already beaten us), so we’re only behind 2 NFC teams:  NYG (1-8) and SF (1-9).  And only IND (3-7) and CLE (0-9) are behind us in the AFC, so we’re currently tied for the 5th slot in the draft.  I wonder if we can draft a new coach?

One suggestion: spend a little more time on the draft and less
on these overly-indulgent, masturbatory, pre-game festivities

Quotes of Note
Comcast’s Laurence Holmes:  “It looks like the Bear’s season has become more about development than anything else.” ~ Yes, I think we can get Mitchell some solid playing experience the rest of the way.  As long as we can keep Spacey at bay.

Truby implementing maneuvers from AKSAP –
the new “Anti Kevin Spacey Assault Program”

Comcast’s Alex Brown, when Holmes asked him if it was the worst NFL challenge he’d seen:  “Ever.  It’s the absolute worst way it could ever happen.  You won a challenge and lost the football.” ~ Yes, when you lose by 7, your own coach taking 7 points away from you through sheer stupidity is probably the worst thing ever.

Though most players protest racial injustice, these Bears aimed
their protest directly at the continued employment of Coach Fox

Comcast’s Jim Miller:  “Disappointing.  You have 2 weeks to prepare, and you come out there and put on that offensive performance?” ~ I’m not sure that qualifies as a “performance,” Jimbo.  And I think a lot of fans would agree with me.

5,624 seats went unused at Soldierz on Sunday.  Sad.

Comcast’s Lance Briggs:  “You can’t get your offense going if you commit penalties on your first snap of each drive.” ~ Incidentally, on the drive after Fox’s career-ending challenge, we 3-and-outed after losing yards on all 3 plays (including being sacked twice), for a total of -8 yards on the drive.  Seriously, we may have to give Trestman a call…

Trump Rule #1: When you’re wrong, attack your accuser’s credibility

BEAR DOWN?

#FireFoxNow
#TheFiveStagesOfSelfActualizedStupidity
#CouldNotPourWaterOutOfABootIfTheInstructionsWereOnTheHeel
#FiredDisparagedOnTwitterAndInvestigatedForRussianCollusion
#Where’sTrestman?

© 2017

This entry was posted on Mon, Nov 13, 2017 at 8:19 pm and is filed under d) 2017 Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.