It’s not often that you get to play the #1 team in the NFL. It’s even less common for you to look forward to that kind of action. But it’s the most rare of occasions when you also happen to be on the up-and-come, and not only do you get the upset, but you dominate those mofo’s like the goalposts did Squi a few weeks ago, letting almost nothing through. I’d be lying if I said the cold weather wasn’t a factor, but I’d also be lying if I said I cared. They say that in order to BE the best, you have to BEAT the best. Well, the Bears just did that. It’s now our conch to lose. And all I have to say about that is that we didn’t come here looking for trouble, but it looks like we’re down to Supa Bow Shuffle!
His doctor better have asked him to Goff in his postgame physical
The Low Down
The Bear defense played its best game in years. We held the Rams to just 6 points, a full 29 fewer than their average, and well below their two lowest scoring games this year of 23 and 29 points. And if you factor in that our D got a Safety, which came one play after stuffing a run for a 5 yard loss, they set the bar for our offense at just 4 points. This is LA’s drive summary: 2 FGs, 3 punts, 4 INTs, turned it over on downs, missed a FG, and gave up a Safety. That’s a rough day for any team, let alone the top-rated offense. It’s about as big a statement as the Bears could have made this year, and they did it with double birds on national TV. Classic.
It appears Leonard “Nimoy” Floyd has traded his club in for some stilts
Jared “Fogel No Longer Eats At Subway” Goff put up the worst game of his 35-game career, going 20/44, for 180 yards (4.1/attempt), 0 TDs, 4 INTs, and a 19.1 QBR. He’d never even thrown 3 picks in a game before. The Bears’ D put it on him. They put it on him early, and they put it on him thoroughly. Three of Goff’s INTs came on the 1st or 2nd plays of a drive. He put up 2 FGs, yes. But the 1st was after a Truby pick gave the Rams the ball at our 15. And on the 2nd, LA had to fake a punt to maintain possession, and still had to kick it from 50. Goff looked cold. Literally. And for the record, that is an appropriate use of the word literally.
Eddie “Sachs” Goldman put it on him literally!
The Troubador sucked in his return to action after 21 days. He moved around well (6 carries for 23 yards), and he only took 1 sack, but that’s where the positives stop. It was statistically his worst game in 23 starts. He finished 16/30 for 110 yards (3.7/att), 1 TD, 3 INTs, and a 33.3 QBR. It was just the 2nd time in his career that he’s thrown 3 picks, and it was only the 6th time he’d thrown more than 1. But it was less than 4, and that seemed to be the limit in this defensive battle. In the NFL, you don’t have to be great – you just can’t suck as bad as the other guy.
Lt. Pete Mitchell to Goff: “Listen, it’s hard. I know. I’ve been there
myself. I mean, not for 4 picks or anything, but I’ve been there.”
Jordan “Mmmm, Bryce Dallas” Howard ran for over 100 yards for the first time in 364 days. But that was about it for the O. Unless you count our lone TD, which came on a short toss to backup lineman Bradley “Little Bit Of” Sowell on a play that Matt “If Fans Hear Another Cutesy Name For One Of His Plays, They’re Gonna Get” Nagy calls “Santa’s Sleigh.” But even on that play, he brought in 4 defensive linemen as decoys. There were more d-lineman than there were o-lineman! It really shows you how little faith he has in our “offense.” But hey, not only did he get ‘er done, but he got ‘er pregnant, too. And that’s really all that matters.
I guess there’s one other thing Mitch did well –
hand the ball off
OK, maybe that’s not all that matters. Cody “Squi” Parkey is back on our shart list, going 3 for 4 (75%) after kissing another goalpost. And that was from just 38 yards. Some schmo I’ve never heard of on the Panthers kicked one from 63 yards earlier this year. 27 other kickers have hit FGs from over 50 yards, including Timmy, and P.J., and Tobin. And yet our little Squi hasn’t broken 50 yet. He’s now ranked 25th in the NFL in both FGs and in XPTs. At least he’s consistent, AMIRIGHT? But the Rams’ kicker also missed a FG, and he was an even worse 2 for 3 (67%). So again, you don’t have to be great – you just can’t suck as bad as the other guy. Except if you have Squi. Then it really helps to have a Khalil Sack.
Charles “In Charge” Leno: “That’s your 5th m$@%*&#ing post, Squi!”
Outlook
At an unbelievable 9-4, the Bears are handily in first place. And we could easily finish 12-4. There’s not a person on the planet, including our own locker room, that would’ve predicted that. And it gets better. Detroit (5-8 and out of it) and GB (5-7-1 and done) both won, but neither can catch us. A-haha! And MIN (6-6-1) lost on Monday night, lol, so they’re sitting 2½ back. We would need to lose out, and the Vikes would have to run out (including beating us) in order to catch us. So I think it’s safe to say that the division is locked down like Paul Manafort’s bank account. Unless, of course, Daniel Chase comes back.
Sack never passes up an opportunity to do the YMCA because
he grew up in one. And if you believed that shit, you’re racist.
We also have a game lead over Dallas (8-5) for the #3 seed, and we’re only 2 games behind both the #1 Saints (11-2) and the now #2 Rams (11-2). If we finish strong, we could hit the post season on a 9-1 run, and host at least 1 playoff game. Who knows, maybe even catch LA and get a bye. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re definitely going to win the Supa Bow, don’t get me wrong. I mean, that’s a slam-dunk. But I don’t want to be misguided or delusional and say that we’ll have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. That would be a reach. Just like when you’re carrying a dead body down the stairs, folks, let’s take it one step at a time.
INT #1: Roquan “The Octagon” Smith
Quotes of Note
Truby Tuesday, when asked about “Santa’s Sleigh:” “Yeah, Santa’s Sleigh. It came. Literally.” ~ And that’s an INappropriate use of the word literally.
INT #2: Eddie “Van Halen Played Guitar On Beat It By Michael” Jackson
The Trubes, when he was very annoyingly asked again about “Santa’s Sleigh:” “When we first installed it, we put it in the incubator. So we practice it each week. And literally, we just put that play in Friday…” ~ And that’s 2 INappropriate uses of the word literally. Almost as many picks as he threw.
INT #3: Kyle “After This Play, My Hands Were” Fuller
Danny “Only Two Tackles, No INTs, And No Sacks” Trevathan, apparently talking about how well everyone ELSE on defense played: “You know, we trying to take out the top dog…and we gotta put it on film. A lot of people wanna come through Chitown…with that stuff. It’s not gonna happen here…we’re trying to get to where we trying to win a Supa Bow.” ~ Hey, at least he trying.
INT #4: Prince “Mama Say, Mama Sah” Amukamara
Jim Miller: “Goff didn’t know what to do with the football.” ~ Literally?
Mack might not have gotten an INT, but he caused one here
“Li’l Bit A” Sowell, on his 2-yard TD catch: “I just told Mitch throw it high man, I’m 6’7”. I got this.” ~ I mean, he did catch that thing like it was the baby Jesus himself.
Sowell has better hands than half our WR corps last year
Nagy, on the fan support: “Number 1, I have to make sure that our fans understand how amazing that was. Absolutely amazing. And we’re so thankful.” ~ It sounds like either he thinks he won an award, or Robert Mueller let him see all of the FBI’s evidence on Trump.
Nagy was going after Ram players on the field all game,
screaming, “You want some of this?! Come get a taste!”
Nagy, really going balls deep on the fans: “We gave the game ball to the city, and to the fans.” ~ Really, Coach? How the hell do you give a ball to an entire city? And does that include the Mexicans and the Muslims?
I hope they’re singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” and not about to
open-mouth kiss? I mean, isn’t that what locker rooms are for?
BEAR DOWN!
Supa Bow, Supa BEARS!
#OurConchToLose
#TheyPutItOnHimEarlyAndTheyPutItOnHimThoroughly
#ListenItsHardIKnowIveBeenThereMyselfIMeanNotFor6YearsOrAnythingButIveBeenThere
#HeCaughtThatThingLikeItWasTheBabyJesusHimself
#DontLetTheMuslimsOrTheGaysHaveTheGameBall
#WhatLockerRoomsAreFor
© 2018
Bear Down Baffa 
Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 3:42 pm |
Dad says “GO SQUI”!! We LITERALLY enjoyed your post! Bears fever reigns!!!
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